Beatrice Thelma McGuire Harless
Delivered by Her son at Her Memorial Service on Friday, October 26, 2001 at the Yorba Linda Church of Christ
On behalf of my family I would like to thank each of you for coming tonight. Your support for my family and I at this difficult time is most appreciated. May God bless each of you.
Most, if not all, of you have known Mom only since she had her stroke and was confined to the nursing facility here in California. I would like to share with you the life of my mother, a remarkable woman by any standard and in my opinion the World's Greatest Mom.
If you were to read an obituary for Mom you might note these statistics:
Born: September, 1910 In West Virginia
Died: October, 2001 In California
She was married in February, 1944 to Leonard I Harless who proceeded her in death in 1956
Mom was 10th in a line of 13 and she is survived by only 1 sibling, a younger sister, Fannie Jordan of Clearwater, FL
She had two children:
One son died in childbirth in 1947
I was born in June, 1949
She also is survived by two Grandchildren:
Jennifer Donaldson
Zachary Harless
And two Great Grandchildren:
Aurora Donaldson
Cyra Donaldson
Statistics though do not begin to tell her story.
Mom's life spanned from reading by oil lamp to wireless internet mail, photographs & instant messaging; from walking muddy winter miles in shoes lined with cardboard because the soles were worn through to men walking on the moon; from rock strewn hill farming to supermarkets; from outhouses to Winnebago's; from hay burners to hybrid electric vehicles; from washboards to perma-press ready to wear. She witnessed two world wars, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq and the start of the war on Terrorism. She endured the Great Depression and the Great Society. She witnessed self-sacrificing love and murderous hate. But she was more than a witness, she changed the world around her for the better by touching the lives of all those she came in contact with. I'd like to share with you some examples of this: I received an email this week from an old junior high school friend and would like to read some excerpts from it to you "I loved Mrs Harless like a Mom; indeed she communicated with me during my teen years and I felt I have taken a part of her within me. I miss her but I also feel her presence with me. I know she had been ill for a long time, and she is at peace now. Though I mourn for her, I also feel joy in the belief that she has taken up residence in that 'house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens" I also received a call from a cousin of mine who told me that Mom had paid for her entrance to college. These kind thoughts would have pleased her greatly but they are only the tip of the iceberg of the impact Mom had on this world. This was her life.
� Mom was born before World War I in a little mountain hollow in WV on a family farm tilled by hand and horses. Her father had emigrated from Ireland and met her mother here after his first wife died during childbirth on their voyage to America. The only flat piece of land was where the house stood. Water was from a nearby creek. There were neither refrigerators nor even iceboxes, food was stored in a deep cellar and ice from winter was stored in a deep icehouse. She studied by kerosene lamps and candles. She walked miles to school. They were very poor and in order to make ends meet her Dad worked in the coal mines as a mule driver hauling coal from the depths of the hills. A mule once kicked him in the face leaving him with some coal imbedded in skin which she said reminded him of the foolishness of trying to reason with a mule. The only mechanized transportation was train or rail bus that was reached by walking miles over the mountains often through mud or snow.
� After graduating from high school with few career choices available - marry a farmer, lumberjack or a miner or teach - she and a couple of her sisters decided to teach. They took the teachers examination and received a "standard normal" certificate allowing them to get jobs as teachers. They alternated teaching and going to school; two taught while the other attended college. The next year they rotated slowly working their way to college degrees. In this fashion, she completed her associates degree from Marshall University from which both Linda and I later graduated. She taught 1st through 12th grades in a one room country school - well two if you count the out-house. She had to handle all school duties from building and maintaining the fire in the winter on up.
� When 25 she bought a new 1935 Chevrolet coupe complete with rumble seat and taught herself to drive it, stick shift on all. In this fashion, she provided her family with their first automotive transportation and became the family chauffeur a major improvement that allowed them to get off the farm occasionally.
� She spent most of her time working, going to school and taking care of her family. In 1939 she bought a new Chevrolet sedan for $625 in order to give the family more room which was especially welcome in winter as the rumble seat was not too friendly then. This car would last through the war and in it she taught my father how to drive.
� When WWII began she left the mountains for the first time spending her summers near Washington DC assembling and inspecting artillery shells while continuing to teach in the Fayette County WV schools during the school term.
� She was introduced to Dad by her younger sister Fannie who dated and later married his friend Clifford Jordan. After dating off and on for several years on Mom married this soldier, Leonard I Harless, right in the tempest of World War II. Dad was the youngest of 7 children and felt a special responsibility for his mother who was abandoned by her husband shortly after birth. Since Dad was in the Army at the time of their marriage, the responsibility of caring for Grandma passed immediately and completely to Mom. This was challenging, as Grandma was often a difficult woman used to having her way and she was advanced in years and in declining health.
� Just months after they were married Dad's division shipped out for Europe. Almost immediately Dad's regiment found itself squarely in the path of the German army in the attack known as the Battle of the Bulge. Following this devastating battle his regiment became the spearhead for the 99th division throughout the remainder of the war. I understand Dad's anti-tank company had 3 original survivors at war's end.
� Following the ravages of that conflict my Dad came back, like some others, with a drinking problem. As a result Mom threw him out and gave him an ultimatum telling him he was welcome back only if and when he got control of himself - in other words, choose booze or her. To his credit and her determination he eliminated booze from his life and returned to her. Unfortunately I remember another relative that was unable to control his addiction to alcohol. I remember him when drunk as he often was as mean and out of control drunk which left me with a vivid impression of the evils of alcohol - that no doubt helped me skirt problems with both alcohol and drugs as I grew up.
� Following the war Dad found a job with Dupont and they settled with Grandma in Kanawha County, WV where Mom took a job teaching 1st grade at Fairview School.
� In 1947, Mom suffered the loss of her first child, a son in childbirth. In June 1949 when she was nearly 39, older than most mothers of that era, I entered their lives. Earlier that year they bought, through the GI bill, the home Mom lived in until she came to CA in 97. Family was an integral part of our lives as we spent many holidays, vacations and weekends visiting the numerous relatives we had in the Tri-State area.
� Early in the 50's Grandma, whose care was a difficult addition to Mom's other responsibilities, passed away and for the first time Mom was "lady of the house" and could set up housekeeping as she pleased.
� While being a full time teacher, homemaker, mother and caregiver, Mom completed her Bachelors degree in 1954 graduating from what is now West Virginia University. I remember Dad losing his hat in the wind at that graduation and watching it sail like a kite into the Kanawha River as we all chased after it.
� In 1955 Dad earned 3 weeks vacation for the first time and they decided to travel across the country seeing as much of the US as they could. Car problems caused havoc with their plans and a 6 year old sitting in the car for mile after mile wondering if we were there yet must have been quite a challenge for them. We just missed the opening of Disneyland by a couple of weeks but it is a trip I remember still and my only visit to CA before coming to work here in 1985.
� Dad died suddenly and most unexpectedly the next year and Mom's world was turned upside down. His last words to me were "Be good and take care of your mother" and then he walked away disappearing into a foggy gray morning that I still can picture. It was a very difficult period for Mom as she struggled alone with all the responsibility of raising me. At that time being a single working mother was unusual not to mention that Mom was older than most Moms. Gradually many former friends drifted slowly away as she struggled with her life and raising a fatherless son. Making ends meet was a constant struggle and I remember many business people taking unfair advantage of her just because they could. I find I still hold such people in great contempt. I remember many nights of Mom just sobbing & crying, her head held in her hands in despair at the burdens she faced alone. Yet Mom always found time for me and looked out for me - when I wanted to play ball with my friends and didn't know how, she taught me to play baseball.
� Shortly after Dad passed away a seemingly endless succession of other relatives and friends passed away. Death seemed to visit constantly with us for many years. Many were very ill and had debilitating lingering illnesses. Mom took several into our home when they were unable to care for themselves and ministered tirelessly to them as best she could. I still remember an Uncle dying deliriously in my bed of liver cancer as he tried to eat my alarm clock.
� Mom had strong faith which no doubt pulled her through this very rough period and we attended church regularly building a solid spiritual foundation for me that remains at my core even though I have often wandered astray. By junior high though I was a rebellious hand full and caused her much worry and concern but her love for me never faltered.
� With Mom's support I elected to go to military school and left home in 1964 at age 15 leaving Mom entirely alone and lonely to face the challenges of life. This is something I wanted to do and financing it was a struggle for her but she never wavered in sacrificing herself for my benefit. Only for a few short years when I was in college and gone nearly all the time would we live together again as a family. I know this was most difficult for her as I remember many tearful partings as life separated us.
� I saw a bumper sticker this week which stated "Teachers Touch the Lives of Others" Mom had very large classes to deal with - sometimes as many as 45 or more first graders. Yet she took a very strong interest in her students and dealt with them individually bringing tons of work home because she had no aides to assist her. Some of her students were from abysmal families; I remember one family she visited that had chickens running lose through out the house leaving the mess you would expect all over. For their many kids this was home including Mom's young student. I remember their infant child that maggots were crawling all over. Though she abhorred this abysmal situation and did all she could possibly do at the time to correct it, she dealt with this family just as she would anyone. She struggled to teach and motivate children, many with little ambition to learn and no examples of character to draw on. With each of her students she did the best she could working to help them be all they could be. She often went beyond just teaching to provide for their needs including meals and clothing. Mom cared deeply for her students and this placed a lot of stress on her that impacted her health. She elected to retire early at age 62 shortly after Linda and I got married. For years afterward I remember being with her in stores or others public places and her former students or parents would tell her how much they appreciated her - this was most gratifying for Mom and I sure made her certain her efforts had not been in vain.
� We moved in next door to her briefly after her retirement and thankfully we were there when she had a heart attack in the middle of the night. She phoned us and we rushed her to the hospital. While in the hospital she had another heart attack causing us great concern.
� Fortunately Mom recuperated from those attacks and witnessed the birth of two grandchildren and two great grandchildren. She spent her retirement working tirelessly with the church in their educational program and organizing and building their library.
� In addition, she looked after many of her brothers and sisters assisting them in any way she could and often acting again as the family chauffeur until the time of her stroke. During her later years several of her brothers and sisters got ill and again she became a caregiver ministering to each of them in turn as best she could. One by one she watched them slip away. She and her sisters were all caregivers often sacrificing of themselves to do so until they were so old they could no longer handle these great responsibilities due to their own declining health. Her life was centered, as it should be for all of us, on church and family. Now only her younger sister Fannie remains in Clearwater, FL also a stroke victim with problems similar to those that Mom endured. I know if it had been possible her remaining sister, Aunt Fannie, would have cared for Mom just as she and Mom had others. I hope you will keep her in your prayers.
� Mom's stroke in August 1997, which she had following on the way home from attending a church lectureship, robbed her of her treasured independence but she fought back from being paralyzed and unable to talk to witness the birth and growth of her two great grandchildren whom she adored. She loved her grandchildren and was the definition of a grand mother. Her great grandchildren delighted her with their presence to the very end and I know she wished they could have been closer to her, as I do, because they would have learned so much about the proper values of life from her.
� In the Spring of 2000 she lost the sight in her right eye due to a hemorrhage caused by the blood thinners used to protect her from further strokes. This marked the end of her recovery and, as we feared, was the turning point in her health. From that time on her zest for life appeared to slowly drift away. In January of this year she fell ill and did not recover until late Spring. Her health was rapidly declining - she was incontinent, she could not walk, she was blind in one eye and could not see well from the other, she was losing her hearing, and, perhaps worst for her, she was losing the ability to express herself. She was growing weaker it seemed day by day, her kidneys were failing and she made it clear she was ready to go home to God; she looked forward to it, the quality of her life here was nil, and her treasures were laid up in heaven.
� Mom chose the words for her marker nearly 10 years ago well before her stroke and the trials she endured these last several years. It was "Peace at Last" At the time, it seemed most odd to me though I now reflect back on the difficulties of life that she encountered and overcame and the problems she saw others endure as she cared for them and I understand perhaps just a little. Following Dad's death I am sure she was very lonely and felt the weight of the world on her shoulders and I am amazed at her humble yet very positive outlook on life. She loved everyone, even those that deserved little respect. She had nothing but kind words for people and she saw the best even in the worst. Sometimes I thought she was na�ve, she often appeared too forgiving, too understanding, too accepting, too trusting to me but now I know that is as God would have it. He looked after her and she relied on that. She laughed and took pleasure in people and the simplest of things. Material goods were never a concern to her, they were simply unimportant. She would give you the shirt off of her back if she thought it would help you. She focused on others at the expense of herself throughout her life. Even when confined in the nursing facility where she had little control of things we would save her cookies and tell me to take them and give them to her great grandchildren. She would hold our kitten and stroke it lovingly and she enjoyed the visits of our often over enthusiastic dogs. Mom's life reflected the bright light of God in a dark, self-centered, sinful world. In my life she was the steadfast rock on which, even in the worst of times, I knew I could rely. When I compare my own life to hers I feel very very small. I thought back and realized in all the 52 years I shared with her I do not know of a single sin she committed; hers was a remarkable life, a quality life, a Christian life. She has finished her course; she kept the faith. She leaves a void in my life that will never be filled but seeing her decline these last few years has been agonizing for her and for me and I know that God has finally granted her last request for "Peace at Last" and has welcomed her home to join all of His Saints. I pray that God's grace is sufficient to allow all of us to join her there at the end of our days.
