Be on the lookout for these new computer viruses:
Lorena Bobbit Virus
turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy
Woody Allen Virus
bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
Tonya Harding Virus
turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
Paul Revere Virus
warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\
Ronald Reagan Virus
saves your data, but forgets where it's stored
Oprah Winfrey virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
expands to 300MB
AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.
MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for
the AT&T virus
Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic microorganism."
Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole
darn thing quits
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back
Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine
Federal Bureaucrat Virus
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of
which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the
most important part of your computer
Congressional Virus #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
Congressional Virus #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't
allow the user to accomplish anything
Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or
becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive
PBS Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
Jimmy Hoffa Virus
Your programs can never be found again
LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self-defense."
O.J. Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of
your files and vows to find the virus that did it
