I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

There are two rules for ultimate success in life.
1. Never divulge everything you know.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
they go flying by.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

I don't suffer from stress. I'm merely a carrier.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain might explode.

Tell me what you need, and I'll explain how you can get along without
it.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.