Q: How do you make a [musician-type] stop
playing?
A: Put sheet music in front of them.
Q: What do you call a musician without a
girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around
with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: How can you tell that there's a drummer at
your front door?
A: The knocking keeps speeding up.
Q: How can you tell that there's a vocalist at
your front door?
A: She doesn't know when to come in.
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Q: How do you get two flute players to play the
same note?
A: You shoot one of them.
Q: What is the definition of a minor second?
A: Two oboes playing in unison.
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone
and a lawn mower?
A: Vibrato.
Q: What do you call 10,000 soprano saxophonists
at the bottom of a lake?
A: A good start.
Q: How do you make a trombone really sound like
a French horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and miss at least half of the notes.
Q: How do you make a French horn really sound
like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and play out of tune.
Q: How do you make a trombone player's car more
aerodynamic?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza delivery sign off the roof.
Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk
in the road and a dead conductor in the road?
A: There are usually skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: You are driving down the road and come
across a conductor and a violist. You cannot avoid hitting one of them. Which should it
be?
A: Hit the violist first, then go back for the conductor. After all, business before
pleasure.
Q: What is the difference between a bull and an
orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Q: What is the difference between a dead snake
in the road and a dead trumpet player in the road?
A: The snake was on its way to a gig.
