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"It's a banana!" -Bobby, realizing what that long yellow thing in his lunchbag was.
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"It's an experimental class" -Mrs. Cohen in our first drama class. That statement pretty much set the tone for the rest of the year.
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"E un idea!(It's an idea!)" -Joey, in Italian class. One of his frequent and bloodcurdling outbursts
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"Don't blow an A." -Mrs. Russo, stressing the importance of not losing out on an easy A for a lack of work.
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"Is there a castle in Milan?"
"C'e uno zoo!(There is a zoo!)" -Mrs. Russo asks, Damon answers, we all get a good laugh.
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"Will Eminem be on the oldies station in 20 years?" -Mr. Gannon, during a discussion about censorship and community standards, pontificating on Marshall Mathers future in his chosen career field.
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"Come to McDonald's. Eat our hamburgers. Get superpowers." -Mr. Gannon, giving the class an example of flagrant false advertising.
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"It was hard to get that wrong but I knew you could do it." -Mrs. Russo, complementing Joey on the fine work he did in getting an unusually simple grammar question wrong.
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"Hey, look, there's a connection here! The two...." -Mr. Sukalski, attempting to show us the connection between f(x)=x2+2x and f(x)=2x+2.
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"Hroachgar's time has passed." -Mr. Roache, when we asked him about the probability of doing another Beowulfian boast session.
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"I have wrists on both hands!" -Me, trying to explain to Mike why I could beat him at arm wrestling
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"How do you say 'railroad' in Spanish?"
"Railroado." -Mrs. Russo, asking Jared, another senior, a question as it related to our discussion in Italian.
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"What does gelato alla panna mean?(Ice cream in the cream)"
"Ice cream on the rocks." -Mrs. Russo and Bryheem, another senior. We have a lot of fun in Italian.
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"Now we're going to talk about the Leaning Tower of Pisa."
"Yay, pizza!" -Mrs. Russo and Bobby. He's not too bright.
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"Where are you coming from and why aren't you going back to wherever it is you came from?" -Me, talking to Paolo, possibly the world's biggest crackhead.
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"What is calculus?" -Mr. Sukalski, my Calculus teacher.
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"I don't think about time. You can't stop me. I'm outta control." -Mr. Gannon, upon hearing his lesson on the 9th Amendment would be cut short by the impending bell.
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"Nobody was talking to you, Kellan....Everybody have a nice day, except Kellan." -Mr. Gannon, after hearing a sarcastic remark from Kellan, a fellow senior, when he was asking another student a question.
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"Hot dogs are knocking off kids left and right." -A local playwright who visited my drama class for a seminar.
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"They were going at it like rabbits. Gay rabbits." -Kevin, fellow senior, in a drama seminar, from a line in a short scene about lesbians.
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"You act like a bitch, you get slapped." -Matt, fellow senior, when I asked him why he and another person were fighting.
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"There's gonna be a full-out slobberknocker in here!" -Kellen, fellow senior, hyping out a slight skirmish in class.
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"I think we should make Bush president and appoint Gore Ambassador to Chad." -Mr. Gannon, joking how he thinks we should solve the 2000 Election debacle. No one laughs.
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"Does this term mean anything to you: Civil Rights Movement?"
"Who's that?" -Mike and Bobby, when we discovered he didn't know who Rosa Parks is.
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"Define 'dumb'."
"You." -Me, after Bobby asks a dumb question.
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"Do I have to show you how to flirt?" -Mr. Meketon, coaching an actress on her role during rehearsal for the school play.
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"That was a big dude going in there." -Mrs. Russo, telling us about her experience with the Italian method of clearing earwax, a big needle.
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"Hey, Mrs. Russo, can I go to the bathroom?"
"You just got here."
"I drank a Fruitopia." -Jared and Mrs. Russo, again.
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"Che giorno e?"(What day is it?)
"Una famiglia numerosa."(A large family.) -Damon and Mrs. Russo, again.
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"Can I get a gangbang?" -Mike, misquoting "Can I get an amen?" during an improv drama game.
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"You're not like Black Thunder. You're like...White Sissy." -Brandon "Black Thunder" Pankey, a fellow senior, making fun of Bobby during a drama class.
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"What time do we return?"
"We don't." -Jared and Mrs. Russo, discussing the return time for a trip.
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"The worships became orgiastic. You know those Greeks." -Mr. Roache, discussing Dionysian orgies in Ancient Greece.
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"Mr. Gannon, do you think I could get into Harvard?"
"Sure...on a tour." -Bobby and Mr. Gannon. He loves to break down on Bobby.
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"Is it a bootleg?"
"Yeah, but it was a good one." -Claire, a fellow senior and Mrs. Cohen, shortly before viewing a bootleg of Toy Story 2.
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"It's gonna be people like that running this country in a few years. I'm moving to Canada." -Mr. Gannon, again, after hearing Bobby compare our federal court system to an episode of The Simpsons featuring Bart vs. Austrailia.
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"That's like smoking cigarettes up your nose. It makes no sense."
"Well, actually it does." -Bobby and Mike, in another one of their senseless debates.
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"I didn't know they made blue crack." -Me, after seeing an unusual blue stain in the book I write these very quotes down in.
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"Who's this guy you were talking to? Megatron?" -Mike's Dad, mistaking the name "Meketon" for the head of the evil Decepticons. And if you met Mr. Meketon, you'd think so too.
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"That's why I'm not letting him go to his locker. You can't go to your locker because you're Jewish." -Mrs. Russo, responding to Dave Pap after asking whether or not his being Jewish was the reason he couldn't go to his locker.
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"What can't you do?"
"Nothing."
"You can't do nothing?"
"Well, you gotta do something." -Me and Bobby, when he told me he was capable of doing anything.
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"I always miss the good stuff." -Mrs. Cohen, who always feels left out of the joke.
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"Pen...is. Pen is?(Pause) Wait a minute!" -Bobby, after Brendan writes "Pen is" in his Italian book.
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"I'll have salt tonight" -Bobby, after I ask him what was on the menu for dinner one day.
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"If we're gonna have a battle of wits, we both have to have wits to start with." -Mr. Gannon again, breaking down on Nick during a test review game in class.
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"Penal institutions are prisons, Nick." -Mr. Gannon once more, once again correcting poor Nick.
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"We conform to make fun of Bobby."
"No, no. I make fun of Robert out of personal moral conviction." -Me and Mike, when we were responding to the question "How do you conform?"
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"We don't go to school on Zapato."
"That's 'shoe'."
"We don't go to school on Shoe Day?"
"You dumb piece of shit." -Bobby and Brendan, another Italian dialogue.
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"What're you making?"
"Witch's Brew."
"You're making iced tea?" -My Grandmother and my brother, after he asks her what she was making in the kitchen. It turned out to be coffee.
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"Hey Chico!" -Bobby, describing his attitude while wearing his short-shirt nighttime attire.
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"I can piss and talk at the same time!" -Anthony, a fellow senior, professing his abilities in the locker room.
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"The guy was Frankenstein...Victor Frankensteiiiiiiiin!!!! That's game." -Bobby, discussing characters in our latest novel in English class.
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"Mi sento la musica!"(I feel the music) -Me, in Italian when we were listening to the famous Fred Bongusto.
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"Apple gravy or apple sauce - is that what you put on your macaroni?" -Gannon, in another pointless exchange in Economics class.
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"How many people in here drink turtle milk?" -Gannon. He later went to ask how many people drink soy milk as opposed to regular milk. Regular won by a whopping majority.
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"Oh, the bell's gonna ring in two minutes? Dammit." -Suky, who usually doesn't give a damn when the bell is going to ring.
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"Oh, Baron Munchausen! My favorite human being!" -Mr. Meketon, one of the most interesting people at Masterman School.
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"Trained bears could do this." -Mrs. Russo, one of her all-time famous belittlings.
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"That's game." -Bobby's new expression, signifying victory or dominance over a particular subject or person. He's got a lot of problems as you can plainly see.
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"I'm a fallopian tube." -Bobby. I have no explanation for this one. He just said it one day and I wrote it down.
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"Where the hell is my zipper?" -The fabled Pinoto Lambrusco(aka Mike Kopena) in another bind.
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"I must ask you a question: Why is everyone feeling your leg?" -Rob, another senior, asked this to a cast member of the school play. The answer: She was showing people how smooth her legs were from sugar-waxing them. And they were remarkably smooth. Like a buttered turkey.
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"Why are you pointing at me and laughing?" -Dr. Ranjini, the school's chemistry teacher.
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"Gimme some Fresh Samantha....and jive!" -Mike, during one of our free-form beatnik sessions.
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"OK, I'm giving you an option: Winnie the Pooh or reflexive verbs?" -Russo in Italian class. Pooh won in an overwhelming majority.
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"No job? No food? Die." -Mr. Gannon's Theory of Economics.
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"Cars have the oldest technology...wheels." -Mike, trying to sound intellegent.
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"What's for breakfast fucko? Bullets!" -Brendan, being perfectly violent.
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"Take the 'M' off." -Paolo, when asked "How can we depreciate the value of M&Ms?"
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"What's up with that miniature thing that guy in R.E.M has?"
"A mandolin?" -Mike being schooled by Nick.
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"Stop cutting options"(study hall)
"I didn't cut. I just forgot to go." -Bobby and Matt, on Matt being called to the office once again for cutting.
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"You may not be hanging all around the building."
"No hanging around, 'eh? Looks like I'll have to break out the excrement catapult." -Mrs. Bravo's announcement and Brendan's response. I'm still waiting to see this catapult of his.
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"You can't use turbo engines on the moon."
"Why not?"
"Because they use air compressors. There's no air on the moon."
"Can't we just make air?" -Me, Mike and Bobby, arguing over why a rally race on the moon with the Subaru WRX Impreza would be impossible.
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"He doesn't take this class seriously at all!"
(Brendan laughs)
"You're going to hell for that." -Brendan and I, in Italian. He's been making those comments as the year draws to a close.
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"Do they have any turkeys in Turkey?"
"I don't think so."
"Well that's dumb." -Bobby and I, in another pointless exchange.
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"Well if you're gonna talk about your cycle, why can't I talk about gas?" -My grandmother asking Mom a question.
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"I can't do this. This character doesn't intrigue me." -Willa, another former classmate, giving up on an improv.
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"It could be any negligible word."
"Like 'the'" -Ed and Nick, having some verbose debate until Nick said 'the'
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"I'd like to join your Stage Crew."
"You're fired." -Kellan and Bobby, who loves to be mean to Kellan
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"You can't hit me!" -Jared, staving off an attack from Mrs. Russo
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"There's too many verbs!" -Jared, again, expressing frustration at the Italian language
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"But I am a boy. I changed myself." -Cali, another former classmate, when told by Mrs. Russo she was not a boy
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"You can stick a red hot poker up his ass with the hot end out so he burns his hand when he tries to take it out" -Brendan's Dad, being unusual
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"So, which do you want tonight?"
"All of them." -Bobby, the Pimp and Mike on our Senior Pimps and Hos Day
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"Come on, white people!" -Nirvana at the Masterman Health Fair when the white students were unable to come up with stereotypes about themselves
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"That's where they make cocaine!" -Me, after hearing Colombia in the roll call at the Model U.N. Meeting
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"Here...to bomb your ass." -Bobby considering a response to being called as Lebanon in the Model U.N. Meeting
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"He should say 'The problems will end with BOOM.'" -Bobby, mocking Teutsch's awkward sentence "The problems are unthinkable" at the Model U.N. Meeting
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"Oregano? Isn't that bat crap?" -Bobby
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"Now I can vote while smoking cigars and viewing porn." -Mike, about his upcoming 18th birthday
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"What can you do?"
"I can do a mean pickpocket." -J and Mr. Gross, our computer teacher, when asked about his abilities outside of a classroom setting.
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"Bryheem, you have slept your way straight through Masterman!" -Senorita Taylor, addressing the eternally slumbering Bryheem.
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THANK YOU MASTERMAN CLASS OF 2001 FOR ALL THE MEMORIES AND THE GREAT QUOTES!
