Once there was a girl who wanted larger breasts. So one day she went to see her doctor, Dr Smith.
Dr Smith told her to rub her breasts and repeat the following:
" SCOOBIE, DOOBIE, LOOBIE - I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES"
One day she was running late and decided to do her exercises on the bus, when a guy came up to her and asked if she was a patient of Dr Smith's. To which she replied "yes how did you know"
He replied "HICKORY, DICKORY, DOC !"
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SUPER HERO QUICKIE
Superman was doing a tour of the city one night when he sees Wonder Woman laying on the beach stark naked. He thinks to himself " Finally, after all these years here's my chance with the woman of my dreams."
So Superman zooms down quickly does his thing and leaves.
Then Wonder Woman shocked and stunned says " What the heck was that ?"
The Invisible Man goes, " I dont know but my a** sure is sore !"
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UNTIL DEATH DO US PART
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband decides to give his wife a gift ... a tombstone, with the inscription: ..... " Here lies my wife ... As cold as ever "
Later the furious wife bought a return present ..
a tombstone with the inscription: " Here lies my husband ... stiff at last "
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THINGS NOT TO SAY DURING SEX
But everyone looks funny naked
You woke me up for that
Did I mention the video camera
Try breathing through your nose
Sweetheart did you lock the back door
Do you accept Visa
On second thoughts let's turn off the lights
I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs
I want a baby
A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time
Does this count as a date
Were you by any chance repressed as a child
Can you please pass the remote control
But I just brushed my teeth
So much for mouth to mouth
Smile you're on candid camera
A little rug burn never hurt anybody
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PICNIC
A guy goes up to a stunning blonde woman and says " Excuse me can you tell me what's the difference between a chicken leg and a man's penis ?"
She replied " No I can't "
He said " Would you like to go on a picnic "
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Husband; " Will you love me when I grow old & overweight"
Wife; "Yes I do"
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Confuscius say " He who makes love in the grass gets piece on earth"
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May god give me the courage to change what I can, the serenity to accept what I can't, & the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they really pissed me off !!
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As a CIA employee, whenever I hear that the Agency is programming peoples minds I have to laugh, I dont want to laugh when I hear this, but I have to because that's the way the CIA programmed my mind.
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