Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable. Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !! S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger. S: Why do women hate it when they get raped . F: It is like when you are walking on the street,someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ?? S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menstruation? F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ?? S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love. F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger. S: Why are making love carried out in private? F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid! S: What is an orgasm ? F:The same as sneezing. but the the other way round S: Is it true that women love big dicks ? F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb ? S: What's anal sex? F: Picking your mouth ARE YOU DIGGING ENOUGH ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________ A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter. She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won �40. She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. When he got home that night, his wife had the hump with him again. asking her what the matter was now, she replied "Your horse phoned." ___________________________________________________________________________________________ A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It f**king hurts doesn't it!" ___________________________________________________________________________________________ There was this guy who really took care of his body and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror and admired his body and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis, which he readily decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed, buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out. About that time two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane. On seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it round with he cane, remarking to the other little old lady saying, "There is no justice in the world." The other little old lady said, "What do you mean by that?" The first little old lady said, "look at that." When I was 20..... I was curious about it When I was 30..... I enjoyed it When I was 40..... I asked for it When I was 50..... I paid for it When I was 60..... I prayed for it When I was 70..... I forgot about it And now that I am 80, the damned thing is growing wild, and I'm too old to squat." ___________________________________________________________________________________________ A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarassed about staring at the smaller man's penis. "Sorry," says the taller man. "I'm not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I've ever seen, especially on a man so small!" "Well," says the Leprechan, "That's because I'm a Leprechan! ALL Leprechans have penises this size!" The taller man says, "Incredible! I'd give anything if mine were that long." "Well, what with me being a Leprechan and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I'll give you your wish!" "Gee," says the man, "I don't know about that----aw hell with it, OK!" Soon, the Leprechan is behind the taller man, just humping away. "Say," says the Leprechan, "How old are you, son?" Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechan humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..." "Imagine that, " says the little man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechans!" ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this... o O ...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) O o I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..." |
| JOKES |