The Script Doctor

(Excerpts from the testimony of Harold A. Rothberg in the case of The State of California vs. Edward Baile, heard in Los Angeles Superior Court, the Honorable William R. Boggs presiding.)

(Assistant district attorney Lyle ) Henderson:  “Please describe, if you will, your first meeting with the defendant.”
Rothberg:  “It was at my home, I was...”
Boggs:  “For the record,  your address, please.”
Rothberg:  “I live at 1304 Hyperian Vista Drive, Beverly Hills.  Suddenly the door of my study burst open, and...”
Boggs:  “And your occupation, please.”
Rothberg:  “I’m the chief script consultant for Joe Levine, the producer.
Boggs:  “Proceed.”
Rothberg:  “I’m at home, working on a rush rewrite of  'The Limerick Affair,' when I hear this crash-bang outside my door...”
Henderson”  “Perhaps for the clarification of the jury, would you explain your duties as a consultant.”
Rothberg:  Uh, sure.  I’m usually referred to as a script doctor.  Mr. Levine may have a property with potential, but it’s neither fish nor fowl.  It’s not DeNiro and it’s not DiCaprio.  Maybe there’s no male camaraderie or too much.  You remember 'The Android Factor?'  You won’t belief it but originally the black biochemist had not sense of humor.  I’m the one who made him a kidder.  You took one look and said, 'Chris Rock.'  'The Factotum Principle' was another example...”
Boggs.  “Thank you, Mr. Rothberg.”
Henderson:  “You were telling us about the circumstances...”
Rothberg.  “Yes. Okay.  I was working on ‘Limerick.’  The Brad Pitt character is just saying to the girl, “Drifting with the Tide?” -- it’s set in a laundromat, see -- and I’m thinking, what the hell is she gonna say, when the door bangs open and there’s, ah, Mr. Baile”
Henderson:  "Do you see Mr. Baile in the courtroom?”
Rothberg.  “Over there.”
Henderson:  Had you seen the defendant previously to his arrival that night in your study?”
Rothberg:  Never.  All I know is the guy’s got a Winchester 12-gauge pump shotgun, with an 18-inch barrel, and it’s pointed at my chest.”
Henderson”  You were familiar with the weapon?
Rothberg:  “Sure.  I wrote it into 'The Whirlybird Sanction.'   The original version had a gas-operated semiautomatic Browning with a 28-inch barrel, but it didn’t look right on Pacino because he’s so short.”
Henderson:  “Describe Mr. Baile’s appearance on the night in question.”
Rothberg:  “I’d describe his appearance as being that of  a blithering maniac....”
(Defense attorney Charles) Mead:  Objection, your honor, the witness is...”
Boggs.  Sustained.  The jury will disregard.  The witness will limit himself to a specific physical description of the defendant’s appearance.”
Rothberg:  “Well.  I’m not a reporter.  It would be easier to tell you what he should have been wearing.  Let’s see.  He had on a brown suit, as I recall."
Henderson”  “Would you say the defendant displayed an excited manner?”
Mead:  “Objection.”
Henderson:  “I withdraw the question.  What did the defendant say to you?”
Roth berg:  “Something like, ‘Either you’re gonna read “Docker Man” or I’m gonna Balkanize you...’”
Henderson”  “He threatened you with the shotgun?”
Mead:  “Objection.”
Boggs:  “Overruled.  Witness will answer.”
Rothberg:  “The gun was pointed at my chest.”
Henderson”  “What was your reaction?”
Rothberg:  “I didn’t like ‘Balkanize.’  It’s a little too studied.  I wouldn’t use ‘Balkanize’ except with Woody Allen..  ‘Cut in half,’ is better, but trite.  I’d...”
Henderson”  “But you were frightened?”
Rothberg:  “Yeah.  But after fifteen years in the picture business with Joe Levine I’ve seen just about...”
Henderson:  “Then what happened?”
Rothberg:  “Under the circumstances, I agreed to glance at his script.  “Sort of a cute title.  You know, the average office mope.   I got a little Ethan Hawke flutter.  But the characterization was vague.”
Henderson:  “And?’
Rothberg:  “I told him so.”
Henderson:  “You told a gun-wielding, overexcited author that his ....?”
Mead:  Objection.
Boggs:  “Sustained.  Rephrase the question, Mr. Henderson.”
Henderson:  “You told Mr. Baile that the script lacked characterization?”
Rothberg:  “That was one problem.  But mainly the story simply didn’t work.  A bank robbery, because it’s so common, requires huge ingenuity.  But in 'Docker' what happens is that the protagonist sets fire to  something next door and then runs into the bank dressed like a fireman, but instead of an ax he’s carrying an Uzi...”
Henderson”  A fireman with an Uzi?”
Rothberg:  “Lame-oh.  Big time.”
Baile (inaudible).  “....charlatan....Hollywood faker...”
B Boggs:  “The defendant will seat himself immediately.  Mr. Mead!  Bailiff...”
Baile (inaudible)  “...travesty...”
Mead:  “I apologize, your honor.  Overwrought emotions are responsible, not any disrespect to the court.”
Henderson:  Did you advise the defendant?”
Rothberg. “I suggested a young Gene Hackman approach.  ‘Bonny and Clyde’ meets ‘The Bank Shot’.  More of a caper.  Might be funny to have the crooks dressed up like doctors.  Legionnaire’s disease, or something.  And they rob the bank without even using guns.”
Baile (inaudible):  “...every artistic scruple...”
Boggs:  “Mr. Mead, this is my final warning.”
Henderson:  “How did the defendant react to these suggestions?”
Rothberg:  “Not well.  He insisted the story worked as it was, with guns.”
Henderson”  “Ironic.”
Rothberg:  “He should have listened to me.”