a field full of snow
so innocent so pure
it laughs in my face
how id love to see what's under the surface
flowers
that were once thought to be beautiful
now
they take away peoples souls
like vampires
feeding on the blood of feelings
in the night of eternal sleep
i am so beautiful
or so you say
you dont know whats under the surface
ugly distorted emotions
the sadness of the souls ive eaten
you stupid fool
get the fuck away before i hurt you too
slashes across the snow
the red roses start to peek through
hurting you hurts me
so i hurt myself
i dont lik the way i see things
its all fucked up
the world is full of so many colors
i just cant take it
so now its a big white canvas
and ill take my sharpie
and ill draw things the way they should be
its just so much easier that way
i cant see the colors
therefore they arent there
the people dont like it
youre all wrong
youre all full of shit
so now the worlds a big white canvas
and ill take my sharpie
and ill draw things the way they should be
all black
the worlds all black
cant i play god just this once?
the worlds all black
im so pissed at it
the worlds all black
cause i can't see the colors
and its just so much easier that way
i sit here isolated in my mind
my dad says i did this to myself
fuck what he thinks
what idiot thinks i want to be this way?
my own best friend
wont even look me in the eyes
im dead inside
a fucking ghost
my mom covers her actions
with liberal slathers
of psychological crap
i refuse to do the same
theyre just fancy labels
for the fucked up shit i am
she says we need therapy
to help us heal ourselves
its a waste of money
if i can do the job myself
she cries
i get pissed
here is my corner of shadows
for my heart
dark flames of hatred
anger is the true pure emotion
the only pure thing about me
besides my skin which i hate
nobodys perfect
but thats no excuse
for the monster i am
a freak
here i am in this landfill
sprawled out dirty broken
finally somewhere i belong
then you come
and you look at us
dusting the dirt off me
taking me home
take me back
i want to scream
but my mouth wont open
my legs wont move
you show me to your friends
curled lips turned upward in disgust
plastic smiles painted on your faces
do you think im stupid?
dont you know i can tell when you fuck with my head?
a while later
you find out who i really am
you cry
i want to cry but i wont
cant?
and i lie sprawled out again
waiting?
waiting
dont pick me up
or your heart will die too
i am here
waiting for you
i have been waiting forever
what took you so long?
so perfect
you can get me out of here
you can fix me
cuz im so fucked up
what the hell do you mean you cant help me?
pure evil
thats what you are
you tried to trick me
behind your eyes a snake lurks
ready to strike
im sorry
im so wrong
so stupid
you are my angel
so get away from me
conferences tonight
i doze off half thinking
half dead
until the music comes on
its time for session
and i wake up immediately
ready to start
the music makes me angry
the music makes me sad
but i repress it with anger
the music makes me feel pained emotionally
so i replace it with tangible physical pain
my dad lectures me on
notes missing assignments and my social manners
all i can hear is the music
he says i dont have to be perfect
but how can i not work toward perfection
if thats all my subconscious wants
shadow attacks me again
with memories i dont wanna see
im in my own world to forget
how fucked up my real world is
im getting high off
chemicals produced naturally in my brain
so why does it feel like im sinking deeper?
tomorrow im gonna try
to stay off the adrenaline
knowing with dread
that im gonna go through withdrawal
and get right back on the shit
you cant save me
i cant even save myself
so dont bother
ill stay here
forever