Here are some signs that you, yourself, may be a redneck Pagan
If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top
If you think a "family tradition" is a dating club
If your ceremonial chalice says Budweiser on it
If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb
If your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess are Cooter and Sweet Cheeks
If your circle dance includes the words dosey-do
If your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame
If your coven choses it's High Priest at a belching contest
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night
If your annointing oil smells like Old Spice
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg
If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife, a can of Foster's and Little Debbie's,
If your pantheon includes Yukon Jack, Jim Beam, and the St. Pauli Girl,
If your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing Ring of Fire
If you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture
If you believe a pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people
If your altar cloth says Holiday Inn or Howard Johnson's
If your Goddess picture says Miss September at the bottom
Or your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu
If you have ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV
Or if you have cast a love spell on livestock. you are definitely a Redneck Pagan.
If your broom has 4 wheel drive and South Carolina plates.
If you have ever used your athame to clean and gut a fish.
If you pray nightly to the God of Big Tires.
If you have a combined Maypole dance/Tractor pull/Turkey shoot for Beltane.
If your Covenstead is propped up on cinder blocks.
If you pray to the Gods of cheap beer and NASCAR.
If your robes are made of denim with Harley-Davidson patches.
If you Invoke the spirits to make your beer last longer.
If you sacrifice barbecue and pork rinds on an altar made of old car hoods.
If your altar cloth is a confederate flag.
If part of your Rite includes throwing shotgun shells into the fire.
If you shoot guns into the air when the Priestess says "The circle is open but unbroken"
If when your Priestess says "Blessed Be"; you respond by screaming "Yeeeehaa!".
You might be a Redneck Pagan.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid? --Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician? --Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veterinarian? --Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.
Q: What do you' call 13 Witches in a hot tub? A: Self-Cleaning Coven
What do you call a dating club for unattached Wiccans? Craft singles!
Did you hear that Kraft was so offended by that last joke that they moved their macaroni plants to Israel? Yeah, now they're called Cheeses of Nazareth!
A skeptic goes in to see a fortune teller. "You are the father of 2 children," the fortune teller says. "That's what you think! I'm the father of 3 children!,"says the man. "That's what you think," says the fortune teller.
Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles.
How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb? Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin.
How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.
The Mighty God Thor was riding across the skies on his fiery steed Pegasus. He raised his hammer and bellowed, "I'M THOR! I'M THOR!". Pegasus looked up at him and muttered, "You thoulda wore your thaddle, thilly."
What do you say to an angry witch? Ribbit.