Homer Simpson Page

-"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

-"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how
 drunk you get."

-"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick
 to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

-"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!

-"When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen"

-"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.  The lesson is, never try. "

-Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.

Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!

 
-"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)

-"What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. "

-"I'll bash you..good."

-"You are gay.  Hehehehe."

-"Me lose brain?  Huh ho."

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