By Enigma and Daniel Darling

Justice last served to : Jerry Springer

Win=0 Loss=0 Draw=0

Pig Destroyer - Synthetic Utopia

Short wave dictator launches the blitzkrieg upon your frontal lobe
The unexpected siege of the fortress thought impenetrable "world peace"
Just a few elusive frequencies away for there is no enslavement more absolute
Than unconscious enslavement.

*Captain Enigma, the name of one half of the original IWA tag team champions now goes under, is in his locker room with the lights switched off. Enigma is sat on a folded up chair with Don Enigma Jr. sat right beside him. Don is sat with a can of beer on his lap, but Enigma is blancing on the edge of his chair watching old Iwa re-runs. Despite being re-runs, and despite them actually being off him , he's still cheering them on like there were happening right now.*

Enigma: Come on man! Dont let that Pariah fool get one over on you!

* The match on tv is off Enigma's second match, his first ever win on a Iwa card. The clip is near the end of the match as Enigma delivers the Enigma Machine (corkscrew moonsalt) to a fallen Pariah. Enigma gets the 3 count. *

Enigma: Awww man, not that, dont be a sap!

* Enigma is shown giving Pariah a hand and helping him up. He extends the hand Pariah grabs and they shake, but Enigma cuts it short with a superkick to the face of Pariah *

Enigma: Hahahahaha! Aww man, that always cracks me up. I mean he's like " he dude, lets shake" and Pariahs like "sure man, lets be buddies" and Enigmas like "No-way dude im gonna kick you in the face" and Pariahs like "Waaaaa he kicked me in the face" and and-

* Don pops open his beer, takes a swig then passes it to Enigma along with a couple of pills. Enigma pops the pills in his mouth and takes a long swig of the beer. He proceeds to go into a momentary spasm then his eyes shut and he slumps forward. A few seconds later he looks up eyes wide open again *

Enigma: Tomorrow night that awesome battle between my hero, Enigma, and the ultimate loser-villain, Pariah will be enacted. But this time that positively insane ATM is going to be thrown in the mix. At the risk of braking a finger nail, there asses will be handed to them!  Don, I'm expecting you to do as well as .

* Don notices a car pull up outside the window, but carries on aslougth nothing happened*

Don: Uhh, you have the match not me.

Enigma: W-what?!? I have a match? JESUS! How come know one told me!

Don: I did. And Vinny did. And Dino told you three times.

Enigma: Oh god, I gotta get training! You saw the Energy Enigma used against Pariah! He would be hard enough to fight on his own despite his lack of talent and intelligence. And what about ATM! I tried to feed my cash to him once but he just spat it back at me and scowled! How am I gonna win?!? I know, ill get out "Yea Olde Book Of Tactics" that my great granddad Henry the 7th king of England wrote! Ill win for sure!

* As Captain Enigma jumps to his feet and roots through his bag he doesn't notice Don climbing out the side window. Suddenly, the locker room door swings open and Jerry Springer marches in with three people in what appears to be boxing robes, with the hoods covering there faces.*

Jerry Springer: Captain Enigma! Ive been looking for you.

Enigma: Oh great! Did you bring my pizza?

Jerry: What?

Enigma: Your the pizza dude, wheres my pizza?

Jerry: Im not the freaking pizza guy! Im JERRY SPRINGER! You wrecked my show two days ago. Dont you remember?

Enigma: Nope.

Jerry: Arrrgggh. Well, take my word for it, you did. I decided that I would have my sweet, sweet chocolate coated revenge by having the crap kicked out of you. So let me introduce, my gang.

* Jerry pulls one of the guys forwards and flips of his hood to reveal a skinny, balding, sunburnt guy. *

Jerry: This, my forgetful little friend, is Carl Salt. He was the runner up in the great Redneck run of '02. He lost because he stopped to beat up the people in 3rd and 4th place.

*Jerry pulls forwards another accomplice forwards and pulls back the mask. Its a fat women with mucky brown skin.*

Enigma: Oh my god not the gravy women!

Jerry: Ah.... I see your memory is returning. You were never introduced yesterday. This is Charlotte Salt. Carls wife/sister. And finally. Over the years ive met lots of celebrities, and lots of rednecks. I was stuck choosing weather to get a redneck or a celebrities to lead the Salt's to victory over you. So I choose both.

* Jerry pulls forward the final man, a little rounder than the others. He pulls back the hood and it turns out to be none other than the ultimate celebrites redneck himself......... Good Ole' JR! *

JR: OH MAH GAWD! OH MY GAWD! OH MAH GAWD! B-B-Q SAUCE! AUSTIN! AUSTIN! AUSTIN!

Enigma: Oh sweet Jesus! Jerry do you have no morals at all? How in good conscience could you unleash a pack of raging rednecks on a man? You could of at least done this to ATM, I heard he likes this kind a shit.

* Enigma's attempt at "sweet" talking Jerry, if you could call it that, had failed. He seems to have just infuriated the rednecks and Jerry even more by trying to appeal to their human side. Enigma, recalling what he learned in college, new he had but one chance at victory. He had to douse the crotch  of the man who controlled the rednecks in good ole' JR's B-B-Q sauce! Being the athletic S.O.B that he is, Enigma jumps at JR snatching the sauce from his slimy grip and chucks it directly at Jerry hitting him directly in the crouch. Nothing happened*

Jerry: Oh hell, im supposed to be going to a funeral in these. I may be trying to kill you, but you can at least show some god damn respect.

Enigma: Im sorry.

Jerry: And so you should be. Mob him.

* Enigma turns round and throws a wild punch hitting Carl in the shoulder, then he turns a toe kicks at JR causing him to lurch back. He felt a blubbery hand rest on his shoulder, so he spun round and punched both fists directly into the gut of the gravy women. Big mistake. His hands become lodged in-between then 15 million (or so he Enigma guessed) rolls of flab on the fat gravy women. Out of desperation, he decided to jump and push both feet agasint the women to push away and free his hands. He missed. Enigma went down with a thud and gravy women let go of his hands. He had began to realise a pattern involving his plans and there success rate, but it was too late. He could here quite chants of "Oh mah gawd B-B-Q sauce" as the Rednecks pounced on him. Suddenly a big crash was heard out side.*

Jerry: What the hell was that?!?

*Jerry runs over to the window. From beneath the inbred fists raining down on him, Enigma heard a ear piercing scream.*

Jerry: Someone dropped a skip load of garbage on my damn JAG!!!!

* Jerry runs out of the locker room screaming, and as soon as he's about 15 foot away the rednecks get up and look puzzled. A few seconds later the begin wandering around aimlessly.*

REDNECKS: Master? Master? We. Need. Redneck.

Enigma: Pariahs locker room. third door on the left.

REDNECKS: We go see.

* The read necks shuffle out of the door and down the hallway, just as Don Enigma wanders in*

Don: So Pariahs a red neck?

Enigma: Not as far as I know, but with looks like his he must be inbred, so they'll all have something in common.

*Both men chuckle at Enigmas cheap shop at Pariah. Enigma gets up and walks to the window. He looks out to see Jerry Springer running around a pile of garbage jumping up and down screeching at the top of his voice and tug at his hair. Enigma silently chuckles to himself and heads back towards Don.*

Enigma: Right, we got to head to the gym. I have to face The Bank and Pariah tomorrow, so I wanna get some training in.

*Enigma grabs his bag and heads out the door with Don following. The pair walk down the hallway, as the exit the building they hear a shriek of terror from the direction of Pariahs locker room.*