Before I went to Walt Disney World
Monday, May 19th, 2003
Through various means this morning I found out that I had a "Background Check" for Disney World that was due sometime ago.
So, on top of everything else I get to worry about for school, I get to be stressed on being screwed over about Disney World. Fortunately, I talked to someone and they said I should just get it turned in as soon as possible. Since my parents took my printer away, I had to pay to print out the forms at school, and then have them faxed at Kinko's. In addition to everything else, I had to mess with that, and stress out.
Sunday, May 25th, 2003
I need to call Disney World on Tuesday and make sure they still are expecting me. I keep having horrible fantasies based on bad experiences of my first year of college; on a waiting list for housing, dropped from all my classes, etc.
My mom has been planning the trip down to Florida
Thursday, May 29th, 2003
For the acquired job, I will be doing pretty much what I will be doing when I go to Disney World, serving up food quickly in an entertainment area. I anticipate that Disney World will be quieter however; in Disney World I won't be working in the middle of a noisy arcade. (Yaaaay!) At least I'll be getting money, and practice, for Disney World. Here they'll probably let me wear my cartilage piercings and my bracelet.
Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003
I finally asked someone how much I was going to be making at this job thing I do now. I was told "minimum wage." A lot of people would say that's crappy. However, upon investigation, min. wage is $6.75 in this beautiful state, with the impossibly high cost of living. It's 75 cents more than I am going to be making Florida, (before they take out my rent, and taxes, which means my net pay probably won't be enough to afford the cost of a soda and a hot dog. My dad said, "So, you're going to travel 3000 miles to take a pay cut?" I told him, "No, I am going 3000 miles to take a pay cut and work out in the humidity."
I try to be nice to the kids. I say try because there isn't much of an opportunity to be nice to them. They would rather be going to get their drinks than talking to me, which is understandable. I think of it as kind of practice for Florida. I will be expected to be nice and do a job at the same time. The kids (most of them in late elementary school and Jr. High) don't dig me joking with them. By which I mean they pretty much ignore my attempts at being funny (or friendly). (You feel that breeze running through the hair on the top of your head? That was the joke I just made). Few of them say "thank you" (including the adults) for me pretty much allowing them to pass thru to eat.
Monday, June 9th, 2003
It's a common misconception that because you work some place that is fun, such as a waterpark, therefore, your job must be fun. I'm here to quell all those ideas. You may be having fun sliding down those slides, or getting knocked around in the wave pool. But it's not fun for the people running back and forth to the kitchen looking for more plates and paper cups, wondering where our hot dogs are, explaining to the guests piling up in the line that "more ice is coming, just wait a minute," or getting yelled at by our high-strung boss on how our condiment table is arranged.
I've given a lot of thought to Disney World in this respect, how much fun is it really going to be to push a cart around for 8 hours a day and pull out ice creams from it, or whatever. I would like to believe that Disney World is a little more organized than Sunsplash. They aren't into the whole training scene at Golfland. That is, someone said they used to have an orientation, or something. When I went, I filled out some paperwork, was given a shirt, and thrust into a job and was immediately asked to start doing stuff that I didn't know what it was/meant/located and found someone who sorta knew, and had her show me stuff. Everyday we have a different combination of people, and at least one of them "it's their first day." I've been thinking that just because I'm working in Disney World, the #1 vacation destination, that families all over the world spend lifetimes saving up for to visit once, blah blah blah, that doesn't mean it's going be the ideal job. I know by the end of the 2nd week I'm going to be thinking, "Do I have to go to Epcot to be part of the happiness brought to people again!
I've even wondered if I'm going to be spending all my spare time going to Disney parks. In my mind, it's like, "I have to go to a Disney/water Park everyday. Why would I want to go there on my day off?" (I actually have only not worked one day since I started last Friday; but I "need" the money, and by need it, i mean to spend in Disney World). Every person I have ever heard mention this Disney World program, not just Disney sanctioned people have said they had such a great time doing it. There must be one person who was miserable when they were there, and decided they needed to go back into counciling.
At least when I get to Disney World, I won't be taking orders from 17-year-olds, there won't be new people every day, everyone will be mature (by which I mean can take going away to Florida for 5 months; that doesn't mean they're won't be plenty of jerks; jerks are one of the few constants in my life), and over 18.
I like being able to talk to the people; maybe not have an in depth conversation and get their life story out of them, but just a quick exchange, see how things are going, see that they are enjoying themselves, especially with little kids. When things slowed down, all the stragglers came in, and all the quick plates were gone, so I had to make them as they came, I go to talk to the people and it was enjoyable. I hope I get to do something like that in Disney World; not a mad rush between long dead periods. More like a slow, but consistent flow of people throughout the day for whom I have to make/serve/pick their food, and maybe talk to them a bit versus shoving food upon them.
Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
I've been thinking some about Disney World. Theoretically, Disney World is a "good" job. It's a good job because it's prestigious, it's Disney World a very name that holds a lot of weight on a lot of levels, and I will be working with adults. Sooooo... if I come back from Disney World, and I want to get a job, does that mean I have to go back to work for Scooter, the obnoxious jailbait football player, who thinks he's incredibly funny by touching my ear and laughing at me because I chose to ignore him? ("It's not that I don't see you, I'm just ignoring you"), maybe not Golfland Scooter, but Blockbuster scooter, or Toys R Us Scooter.
Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
And I am looking forward to going to Disney World because I get to have cool buttons that only Cast Members (Disney lingo for employees) get, and be there on all the non-wussy, girly holidays Disney World's 32rd birthday, (another button), and the opening of 2 attractions, including 1 high-speed space attraction, and a 3-D movie co-starring Mickey and Donald (finally, something with Donald!), according to some sources, the openings of some attractions include "Cast previews;" it will be like going to the movie testing at SJSU, but better because there are only a few Cast Members. I'm the only one I know of out of 26,000 students at SJSU, and the only one I know of from Granite Bay.
It's going to be worse in Disney World. 1. The name tag will be more prominent and everyone else will have one too, so there will probably be more people who will be calling me by my first name (on the other hand, it's not likely I will be trying to place people because they might have lived in my neighborhood at some point in the not so distant past, however...) 2. My new nametag will have where I'm from on it. When you accept the offer, they ask you what name you want on your tag (so I could have said MANDY instead of AMANDA. But only my family and neighbors call me that; I've come to like Amanda much better; and if someone starts calling me Mandy, since they hear it's not my first name choice, I am going to start putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable of their name, An-DRE-a, sorry, you're the only one I know for sure who is reading this). I debated whether I wanted it to say San Jose or Granite Bay, I chose Granite Bay since it would probably get more commentary than San Jose; people have either heard of Granite Bay or they haven't. Most of those people who have, are from, or know someone from the greater (or not-so-greater) Sacramento area.
Friday, July 4th, 2003
I love thinking about Disney World. It gives me so much optimism: hope that I will finally be sorta happy; hope that I will have a steady, if not well-paying job; actually living in Disney World; that I will get a boyfriend who is in my age bracket, and neither religious, nor ashamed to admit my existence to his family; the fact that afterwards I will have something that makes me stand out from the rest of the crowd of other eager job seekers; the experience of being completely away from my family; making new friends; living on more my own than I ever have so far. If I were going back to San Jose, I know almost exactly what I have to look forward to, the same relationships (many of which will be sorely missed), crappy neighborhood, buildings, boring art classes and know-nothing art teachers. I like the idea of not knowing what is going to happen, but the anticipation of the idea is not yet corrupted by the truth. (I won't make any friends or romantic/lust relationships because the social fairy didn't tap me with her wand lately, and the manager of the next job is not going to care if I worked at Disney World, or they won't believe me--must not let own negative thoughts cloud mind!!!
So, I'm really looking forward to it; I always had a suspicion that at some point in my life I would have checks signed by my good friends at the Walt Disney Corp; and not just those 45 cent stock holder checks they send at the end of the fiscal year; that and 6.00 will get me a hamburger meal at one of the parks, before I got the 20% discount.
Sunday, July 6th, 2003
I decided I wasn't worried enough about Disney World; I'm already paranoid that I won't make any friends, that it really won't help my career path and i should have stayed at SJSU and planned on graduating on time, no romantic connections, have a good time, go broke, miss people, places, and sourdough bread too much, be bored out of my mind, and that no one will come to see me (thus far, the only one who has talked with any seriousness about the prospect is Kelly; she says she wants to come, but Kelly says a lot of things). But I didn't think I was really scared enough. So I started reading this book.
This is a book about all the stuff that goes on Disneyland that Disney doesn't really want you knowing about because it would ruin the fabricated magic if they found out that human beings work and come to Disneyland. It tells tales about the lewd, rude, mean, obnoxious, tragic, and downright idiotic things guests and employees do on rides, to each other, and to operators. Ranging from humorous to grotesque. There is a sections on the stupid questions people have asked, ("What time is the 9:00 parade?" "Is that real rain drenching us?") guests having sex on Disney rides, where the employees go to make-out, what outraged guests do to employees (this is the one that really scared me; story is of a man burning a cast member's employee with his cigarette when told he can't smoke on the ride), employees do to play pranks on each other (this one also scared me somewhat), how the Disneyland employees have little or no life (that doesn't scare me; I�m not planning on having much of a life in Florida. I never had a life anywhere else I went. It's not like I�ll have family to go to for holidays, or friends, or 4 classes to supposedly study for and 2 portfolios to turn in). I'm almost glad I am not a ride operator after reading this; they have to put up with the most crap it seems. I know this is all in Disneyland, however, I trust assholes and idiots can be found in any corner of the globe, especially when they can congregate in major vacation spots. One of my favorite quotes is by Albert Einstein,
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
There's some other interesting stuff i read in there. They like to hire people who are relatively good looking and medium-sized. They say the best looking people generally get to be ride operators, and the ugly ones get to be behind the scenes in food. Well, that explains why I get to be in Quick Service Food and Beverage, doesn't it? I guess it's better than sweeping up napkins and cigarette butts, cleaning toilets, and covering vomit outside Space Mountain. (I hope I get a popcorn cart; something where I don't have to work with someone and I am not washing dishes or in some stupid restaurant. What will probably happen is, it will be like Golfland, I'll keep to myself, stay out of people's way, and be dead pan, and some punk Jungle Cruise driver will think he is either annoying me or flirting with me by being irritating and seemingly making fun of me while i internally call him an asshole). However, they said looks aren't as critical as they used to be. But they were going to let me be a ride operator before I lost 35 lbs, so I don't know...
In addition, everyone who comes to work at Disneyland (and Disney World) has a few things in common. They are relatively good looking, they are outgoing (boy, do i sure have those Disney suckers fooled!) and they all feel that they can tolerate Disney/Disneyland, if they do not totally love it to begin with. (Plus in my case, a lot of people i run into will be in my age bracket). So, according to this book, everyone seems to be dating everyone else in Disneyland, if they aren't dating guests. Golfland had a no flirting rule, and someone even got fired as a result of it, supposedly. I don't know if I would ever date a guest, it's almost like picking up a hitchhiker (how silly of me! I assume someone would be making the first move on me, which is "unrealistic" to say the least, aside from nearly impossible, so let me say, it would be like hitchhiking). There is supposedly a line that says, "If you can't get a date in Disneyland, you can't get a date." I think it could be silly to date someone in Disney World, especially since it goes beyond the areas of the Magic Kingdom, and each of those theme parks have little sub areas too. "Oh well, he's a ride operator on the Dinosaur ride at the Animal Kingdom, I'm just a lowly cotton candy girl who stands in front of the teacups in the Magic Kingdom's Fantasyland. It could never work out between us, we're from 2 different worlds..."
Another thing this book said is that they like to place people according to how they look. Ever since I read that I've been trying to figure out where I look like I belong. I don't think I am cutesy enough for Fantasyland, that much I�ve figured out.
Monday, July 7th, 2003
Paranoid thoughts about Disney World are starting to cloud my mind; (just for example) that it really won't help my future any, "So, what did you do when you worked at Disney World?" "Oh, I ran a popcorn cart at the MGM Studios near where the Tower of Terror is." "So then, you don't have any retail experience...?" "Uh, guess not..." I'm not saying it's a bad choice. I'm not regretting accepting it, at all. I need this to look forward to. I needed something really good to happen to me. If nothing else comes from this, I will at least be able to brag, "I lived in Disney World for a few months."
I just want to start over again. I don't know why. In some ways there is something really refreshing about knowing that you are going (somewhere good) where no one knows you. No one knows your past; no one can judge you based on how they have known you for the last 10 or 20 years. All they know is what you tell them. Unfortunately, I have nothing to tell them to start some dramatic new life. I thought college was going to be that great new thing. It wasn't. I made a few more friends than I ever did in high school, all 2 of them. I was still just as anti-social as anything; it's not easy to be social in place as cold as SJSU. What am I doing in Disney World? I am not a stupid people person. I guess I just seem "approachable" otherwise all those old guys wouldn't want to talk to me. I can't keep thinking like this, I'm too tired, it's clouding everything.
Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
I keep telling myself, "Everything will be better when i go to Disney World." This is all right before I think, "I'm not social, the social fairy did not come visit me in the night, and tap me with her magic wand" and all the other social paranoias fall into place.
Saturday, July 12th, 2003
I am such a negative person. I hate the preconditioning to think certain things. Not making friends is actually one of my biggest fears. I was very friendly with a grand total of maybe 3 people, one of whom turned out to be a total bitch, the second left without giving me a formal good-bye. Then there were a bunch of marginal friends. I made 2 friends last semester, they both had to go back to their home countries, and two other friends this year. I don't exactly have a great track record for making friends, why should Florida be any different? So it's 90 degrees and 60% humidity instead of a dry 98 degrees at a slightly higher elevation. So it's closer to one ocean versus the other. Has anything really changed?
Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
So, what did i learn from all this? The same thing I figured when I was desperate for male companionship (as opposed to now, being despondent, but not really doing much about it because, same old story with me, What's the point? I'm leaving soon, plus no one picks up on my nonverbal flirtation, that�s probably the biggest problem. I wish I had the cajones to say, "I think you're hot" only wanting to receive a "Thank you;" "You're cute" doesn't mean, "Let's date."
It becomes a paradox when one considers the only reason people do anything is because they want things. Why do we go to college when it is not technically required of us, and it's a pain in the butt and takes 4+ years out of our lives? (because otherwise we couldn't do the Disney World College Program). Because we believe ultimately it will give us better jobs, more training, and we want better jobs so that we can get more money to live comfortably. Because being able to sustain financially, or better, with all the essentials and then some for fun, birthday presents, and shopping, not all mutually exclusive, is better than worrying about money and not having the good stuff too. But we don't truly know that we will get a better job (supposing that were the ultimate goal) from going to college, we merely hope it will. (Depends on the economy, what's available, your living situation, etc). I will admit there are certain things I hope to get long term out of Disney World. I don't know that it will happen. But it's not going to stop me from going because I hope it will be fun, but there is no guarantee of that either. So we put everything in hope because nothing is guaranteed. Therefore, is that truly a possible emotion to abolish?
Thursday, July 17th, 2003
Here's what I am trying to figure out, why does Disney World want me? Seriously. Any dingbat can sit there and reminisce about the good old days before they wrecked the Journey Into Imagination ride, twice, or name 4 hotels in the Disney complex, (there's all of 16 of them, not counting the ones where it's like renting an apartment or whatever, they want you to name a quarter of them, I've stayed at 1/8th of them, 3/16ths after my mom comes). I don't know. They want friendly people there. I'm not friendly. This is me:
I don't talk to anyone, ever, the only times I have ever made friends in the past is when I have had to live with someone or if I they have talked to me first. I feel completely uncomfortable around people. I don't make good conversation. I talk when I am spoken to, then have nothing to say, and even when people ask me questions, I answer them in terse answers, or all I do is ask questions because I want to keep the person talking, even if I don't care, but I don't want them to lose interest in me (because they aren't talking to me either, and I wouldn't say anything if they were, because I am afraid of talking too much). It seems so cheesy to me to force yourself on someone and say, "Hi, I'm Amanda! What's your name?" and expect that you all are going to be great pals. I don't know. Everyone says, "Why don't you just go up to someone and introduce yourself to him or her?" I've tried that. It doesn't work. It's really awkward. It takes a lot for me to talk to people, especially guys. It takes planning for me to do stuff. It's hard for me to approach people, and ask them to do stuff with me.
I just can figure out why, if I am such an introvert, not a people-person, not attractive in any way, why do they want me (because when you are working in "the back" you don't need people skills).
Monday, July 21st, 2003
When I think back to all those stupid people who over time I have put job applications out to and not called back or whatever, didn't have the time for me, didn't want me there, didn't think I was their type, my sorta-"dream job" (considering my skill level), the thing I've been sorta weaned on forever, (one of) my areas of nerd-pertise (but you don't see me going off on half hour tangents about plotlines to movies, or over-descriptive details about movies...I couldn't resist; I am evil) is coming true. And I get college credit at the same time I maneuver through the adventure.
I am trying to locate the facilities in the general Lake Buena Vista area that are neither theme park-oriented, nor affiliated with Disney, such as the head shops, (where am I going to go to get my rock and roll posters, and possibly shirts?!), malls, Targets, post offices, Hallmarks (my mom is into the whole cards trip), and of course, art supply stores, because I will have total creative control next semester; no commissioned crap, no homework.
Sunday, July 27th, 2003
I'm starting to get really scared about Disney World. All this doubt keeps surfacing. What if I don't make any friends at all? What if I screw up so horribly they deport me? What if I get there, and I am just absolutely miserable in my task? They won't let you change specific jobs. What if my roommates are just miserable people that I cannot get along with? They won't let you move. (The good news is they can't be too much worse than Cricket...I say that now; I've learned that things can always get worse. Once things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle repeats). I'm just starting to wonder if this just going to be the worst experience of my life. Every person I have ever talked to/heard of has said, "I had such a great time" but I've also heard, "Nothing is so great that someone somewhere won't hate it."
My mom's cousin works at a Chili's in Orlando as a bar tender. Chili's is great; I will probably see him often.
Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
My mom got angry with me for claiming to "Wait until the last minute" to get clothes for Disney World, because you even have to look professional when you go to classes, you have to wear your uniform and look good at work, but you have to dress like you are going to a business meeting. (My mother offered me this piece of advice when I took the risk of confiding my fears in her, "Just keep telling yourself, 'It's only for 4 months, it's only for 4 months...' " Anyway, she doesn't think I have enough clothes to achieve that look, and of all the times we have gone shopping this summer, all I have gotten was "Immature little tight shirts and tank tops that show off every little thing" with a few exceptions. I'm sorry, it seems you were encouraging the buying of said items, even picking out some I might not have thought of initially.
Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
I called Disney World sometime ago. They informed me that all my paperwork had been received, and I was good to go. I received a paper a few days later confirming this. (I wish I could find it). I called Disney World today to make sure I didn't need that paper, and if I did, can i get another one? They told me, that they had the name of the teacher who was going to sponsor me down, but no "approval." So I naturally started freaking, as it is now about 4 weeks till I have to show up, and 2 weeks left to do anything about it. Upon further investigation, they had the wrong teacher down under my name. So, somewhere along the line, some bonehead in some typo has made things bad for me, and would have had I not called them? Fortunately, because I am negative, and remember all the stuff I went through my first 2 weeks of college (most of which in recollection still seems like a horrible dream) I knew that something was going to happen, and somehow they would screw me up. (Some people call it pessimistic I call it realism). So I was forethoughtful (no, that's not a real word) enough to make 2 color photocopies, and about 4 black & white copies of the original paper signed by the teacher from SJSU. So I guess I will be mailing, and faxing, one of those.
I think I am somehow prone to problems with the college process. Starting with all the crap that happened even before I ever moved in to SJSU, every semester or so, they tell me they've "Put a hold on my records" because I haven't paid something, done something, or talked to someone that no one ever told me about. (I've gone from stressing about it, to laughing about it, it's really that funny; those crazy knuckleheads at the Bursar's office, I think sometimes that whole school bureaucracy could be better handled by Barbie dolls, and not the astronaut one, or the presidential candidate one, naval officer one, or ambassador one)
Thursday, August 14th, 2003
I get paranoid about Disney World. As you know. I go through different ways of thinking. The first way is the one suggested by Kelly, who does often prove wise, when she's not flinging trash and cheese balls at me, thereby forcing me to retaliate with jellybeans and a snapped dish towel, thinks i should just let it happen, just relax and let the people come. At the same time, I realize how very little has ever just happened. And I know that if i want stuff, I've got to work to make it happen. I don't know...
I can't wait for Kelly to come out to Disney World so that we can ride the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, which is pretty much a roller coaster, that not only features Aerosmith music, but "parodies" of their own songs (including "Ride This Way" and "Love in a Roller Coaster") as you ride on the dark coaster, and features them, in person at the beginning of the ride. It's awesome. I was thinking about it today. It's great to do something with someone where you know they really appreciate the thing. She's been jealous of me ever since I went on it last year.
Friday, August 15th, 2003
When I worry about how my life is going with the bouncing all around and how it's probably not possible to be in a serious relationship, which is not really what I want; I'm not even I�m convinced I want love right now. I think I mostly want companionship. I tell people of my fears. 4/6 people have said, "It's possible that you could meet the one/man of your dreams while you are there." Whist this seems laughable, it has also been said, "Not only may you meet the man of your dreams, you will either carry on a long term relationship, or he will follow you to the Bay Area/Sacramento/LA/etc." Wow, who would have thought two-thirds of the population was that delusional!
Well, now seems as good a time as any to write my final message for a little while. I am told we are going to be in bed by 10:00. That's great, but will I fall asleep then?
I still have yet to clean my room. It's not that bad. I'll do it after I pack my car (which we are going to do anytime now).
I can't believe this day is here, and the next day is almost here.
I just want to say a special, personal good-bye to my fans! I don't know when I will get to update again. (It may actually be sooner than I think) I don't know how often I will update when I start working either.
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