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CLINTON ENDORSES
HUMAN CLONING!! [AP/UPI] Washington, D.C. -- President Clinton, citing "new and important developments," has reversed his long-standing position against research into human cloning. In a prepared statement delivered yesterday in the Rose Garden, Clinton said he had remained steadfastly opposed to the idea of cloning humans until December, when it was brought to his attention that the most likely initial candidate for cloning would be, as Mr. Clinton himself phrased it, "some seriously hot piece like Lynda Carter." "Well, hell," said Clinton, slapping himself on the forehead, "that changed everything! I never even thought of clonin' babes! I always figured they'd want to clone somebody like that Einstein fella or maybe Elvis, which would, of course, be terribly, terribly wrong." Immediately following the press conference, Clinton issued a flurry of Executive Orders instructing his Cabinet Secretaries to "clone me up some of that Amazon poon." Sources report that the Defense Department's Special Operations Command has already acquired samples of Ms. Carter's DNA from a hair salon in Sheboygen, New Jersey. Despite an enormous outlay of funds (Clinton is reportedly ready to spend the entire Federal Surplus on the project and -- Good God -- who can blame him?), experts predict additional money will be required before any Lynda Carter clones start popping off the assembly line. If you'd like to help and perhaps
receive* your very own Lynda Carter
clone... SEND YOUR TAX-DEDUCTIBLE CONTRIBUTION TO
Contribute $50,000 or more and your name will be added to the list of those who will receive* Lynda clones when they become available!!
(***NOTE: Some funds may be reallocated for
use by Gore 2000 and/or by
"Since Human cloning seems inevitable, we
might just as well start ourselves off with
a real hottie!"
-- Wm. J. Clinton,
Chairman, CCLC
WEB-SPYNNER'S NOTE : What's all this fuss about cloning Lynda Carter? Anyone who's ever taken a good look at Terry Farrell (from Star Trek: DS9 and, more recently, CBS's Becker) knows that Lynda Carter was very successfully cloned about 25 years ago! |
