Disclaimer: Been here, done this. A/N: Okay - I promised quicker updates? If I didn't, I should have, so here's chapter 6. Um - this chapter is a bit abstract - I wanted to clarify Christine's thoughts a bit. There is a little action, but it's primarily a stream of thought. Anyway - Enjoy. Feedback: Please Review. They are actually quite helpful, and I am looking to improve my writing. Chapter 6: Softly Spoken "The words you speak today should be soft and tender ... for tomorrow you may have to eat them." - Unknown I remember very few days that I hoped would never end - moments so perfect that I felt I could live in them forever, comfortable and safe. I would just curl up and sleep, content and peaceful, forever smiling, forever fulfilled. I remember that as I turned my head to face him, he sighed peacefully, as we kissed his body seemed to relax and it was as if he was melting in my arms as I pulled him close. Our lips brushed - they met - his forehead came to rest lightly against mine. His right hand came to rest upon my cheek. I leaned into the soothing coldness of his touch, and as I did so, it began to retreat into memory - warmth spread over him rapidly as we embraced, and within me; a fire was kindled that consumed my every consideration. I was whole - complete. I was no longer a dying ing�nue, but a free and soaring spirit, neither cognizant of nor concerned with the seeming trifles of the world so distant and intangible. I was whole - complete. The only world that mattered was the one I had so quickly recreated with my love - my angel - my Erik. I could feel the music in his kiss, the potent melody and the resonant harmony that echoed exponentially within my soul. I felt empowered, and justified - my love for Erik seemed so strong that it could stop the rest of the world, and recreate it to meet our cares. . . I was whole - complete. . . If only. I was still dying - love could not conquer my afflictions, only make them seem insignificant for a few precious moments. . . I wish I could live inside those times, but memories will have to do - I had already learned that what is best in life is always fleeting, and that these moments are what must carry us through the darker, more sanguine times that always come and always win. I was not complete, only a shadow. Dying and cold, the warmth was a hostile illusion, a cruel trick of my weary mind. No - perhaps it was real, but fading - and it would surely die when Erik learned the truth. . . The truth. . . It's so easy to forget for something that defines the world in every way. Uneasy and cold, I pushed the truth away - but it always returns; mocking me, grinning triumphantly as I bowed in defeat to its cruel will. I faced reality - I was dying. Even as his lips fell upon mine, and I eagerly returned his devotion, I was dying. As his hands cupped my face and the rest of the seemed to fall away, I was dying. It seemed a dream, this death that pursued me in my desperate flight - I longed to wake. Our kiss grew deeper and I longed to fall into that happy oblivion - the unheard music, the warmth, the unspoken words that were softly spoken in our souls - I longed to close my eyes to the rest of my existence and focus only on the fleeting peace I had so tenuously found in an angel's arms. An angel - Erik - this was not fair to him. In my heart, I felt he could read me, like a book, and know me in that moment. Yet, he clung to me as if I were life itself, forever sweet, forever vital. Perhaps he did see the truth, but refused to accept it and looked past it even as it defiantly stared him in the face. I understood that inclination all too well, after all, it was my own. No, he did not know. He believed in me blindly, in the heat of the kiss and the soft presence of my hands upon his. I was deceiving him, I came to him as a beggar wrapped in the clothes of a savior. I was wretched, maligning his love to placate my own, and in the process, I was demeaning him in every way. The truth would come, it always comes. I feared that moment, I pushed it away, but it still played in my mind. Cold tears falling from my languid eyes as empty words come my lips. . .Erik only sits, broken - destroyed by me, by my greed, by my abuse of his faith, by me. . . I broke the kiss, pulling away slowly from him. I could feel the tears in my eyes, and I buried my head in his shoulder and let them come. He wouldn't understand, of course, and I knew that his gentle, comforting words would only engender fresh tears. "Shh," he whispered, holding me close, "don't shed any tears tonight - you must be exhausted, my love, and sleep will make things easier. . ." 'Sleep?' I wondered silently, 'Sleep? Yes, my conflicts would all end in a sleep, a long sleep. And Erik, his would begin anew - I must not sleep - I must not. . .' "I. . ." My voice caught in my throat. In my mind I feel to my knees before the world, I screamed the truth . . . I'm dying, my God, can't you see that I am fading away? "We can talk in the morning, my love, there is time. . ." We haven't the time. . . ". . .I am sure you have much to tell, as do I. . ." Yes, too much - not enough. . . ". . .But there is nothing that cannot be said in the morning. . ." Unless the morning never comes. . . I swallowed my conscious once more, I silenced it, and smiled, "Of course, you are right, and I am so very tired." He smiled back at me, "You're room was nearly untouched by the mob, Christine. You'll find everything as it was. . ." My longing overcame me, I reached out for him. Somewhere, inside, I found courage - and I said, "You will stay with me, won't you?" Erik froze for a moment, and his reply came quietly, "If that is what you wish, then I cannot deny you. . ." I smiled genuinely. Perhaps I would find peace in his arms once more, if only for a few more seconds until the truth caught up to me once more. |
| Where there is Love |