Chapter Thirty: Apparitions and dreams.


In my mind, I've already imagined our bodies entwining
defenceless and silent -
and now I am here with you:
no second thoughts,

"Erik she's simply beautiful." she told him as they sat watching Danielle play.

"Everyday she looks more like you m'dear, with the exception of her eyes." He murmured, as Danielle swung higher on the swings a distance away. Her back was to them however he could still hear her melodious laughter as she kicked her legs harder to gain altitude. It was a beautiful day outside; the sun shone brightly overhead and there was barely anyone else in the park to enjoy the weather.

"Why must you always do that?" She asked him a hint of anger in her voice. He looked over into her blue eyes and then back at the child they both loved dearly.

"I do not know, old habit I presume." He sighed taking off his fedora to scratch his balding head. What hair he did have had been fading into a weathered grey over time. However she still looked as though not a day had passed.

"You really need to stop that. It's been eight years and you still act as though you're not her father." She huffed and folded her arms across her chest. Chuckling at this act of disapproval, Erik pulled her into his arms and rested his head against hers.

"But she's not mine, that is the point." He said sadly as they both watched Dani laugh as she swung higher and higher.

"I gave her to you. If I didn't know you were going to be a good father then I wouldn't of done such a thing." She told him as they both continued to observe the time pass. The wind gently whistled through the trees near by and he felt the cool air against his face. He always came here unmasked, it was the only time he felt comfortable enough too.

Sighing Erik pulled away from her, "I should go." He finally said and replaced the fedora.

"Alright, shall I see you tomorrow?" She asked hopefully. He looked into her eyes and saw the need there, the need to see Danielle as well as him again. She missed them both as much as he missed her however he had to tell her the truth.

"No Angel, I do not think so. I can't keep coming here." He replied and waited for her response. The shock he was expecting never did reveal itself on her beautiful face, nevertheless she still asked why.

"I use to love coming here, but now, now coming here just leaves me realizing it's a fantasy." He said touching her lovely cheek. Sighing she leaned into his hand and covered it with her own.

"Oh Erik, when will you ever learn? Fantasies are not such terrible things. You were in my fantasies every night..." She said and pulled him close to here so their foreheads touched.

"I don't know what I'm doing." He whispered lost in her eyes, "I would have died if she wasn't apart of my life and if not, I would of left the Opera house. Now she's so old and I'm restless. I use to travel, I use to play, I use to create."

"You use to be alone." She told him smiling. "Come now Erik, you must of known that being a father would be mostly like this. You still create my Angel, you write your opera's and you do your best with what you have. You are doing such a wonderful job too, all I have to do is look at her and I can tell."

"I'm so terribly lost most of the time. I think, what if she catches a cold? And when she does I blame it on the terrible condition of our home."

"She's fine my love, children get sick, it's a passing. You cannot merely buy a home for you out in the country. If you able to I am sure you would darling. I know you always have her best intentions in mind." She finished and allowed him to pull away.

"I feel I cannot offer her what she deserves. She deserves daylight and many other things. She deserves the company of other children. All I have to give is my music and knowledge."

"And love Erik. You mustn't forget love." She told him placing her hand over his heart.

"When will you learn that's always enough? It was enough for me, and it's enough for her. Such an extraordinary gift love is darling, especially coming from you. She is safe and protected with you with all the advantages you give her. I'm sure she knows it in her heart." She said and then leaned in to be held.

She was so soft and warm in his arms as he held her close. The faint smell of vanilla still surrounded her making him sad knowing that this day would end.

"What if she asks me about that night? What if she wants to know why her father never came for her or who she is? What if she finally sees me for the monster I am and leaves forever?" Erik asked still needing to know answers.

"Then tell her the truth, it's never stopped you before. And Erik, do stop referring to yourself as a monster please? If she finds out the truth it's not going to turn her away, it hasn't yet."

"How can I trust you? You're just a figment of my imagination and memory," Erik said pulling her away from him so he could look at her. Slowly a smile crept across her face and before he realized it, he felt her soft lips against his. Euphoria swept over him, as he felt dizzy in her embrace. There mouths moved in a passionate dance with each other until finally, after what seemed to be ages, they both parted.

"Here's a small thought. One, I cannot be a memory for if I were then what just happened would be quite impossible yes? That certainly was different then any other kiss we have shared. Also, I cannot be a figment of your imagination because you constantly refer to yourself as horrible and I tell you otherwise." She said smiling seductively.

"Well what if I just imagine you feeling that way?" Erik said challenging her.

"Hmm, point taken, however I think if I were a figment I wouldn't be so angry when I tell you, do you?" She asked him pushing her brown curls over her shoulder.

"I suppose." Erik said smiling.

"Good, then it's settled, I am real, therefore what I say goes. Now first thing your going to remember is to stop wearing that mask around her. How many times do I have to tell you or she for that matter?"

"But...." he started,

"No butt's Erik, stop wearing the mask. It's a simple request and you shouldn't deny our daughter that."

"She is not ou..."

"Second thing you will stop doing is saying she isn't your daughter. She is more your daughter then anyone else's in this world... You have been raising her for eight years now. I think you have earned the status as father, don't you?" She asked him.

"Fine," Erik sighed.

"Good, and the third thing you must stop doing is feeling so useless. Anyone can see in her eyes the love she feels for you. If you lived in a run down shack in the village of Montmarte she would not care. Therefore stop acting as though she would." She said taking his arms and wrapping them around herself. Lazily she reclined back into his arms and he felt her curls brush across his face.

"Is that all oh powerful and wise one?" He asked mockingly.

"For today the lessons are over yes." She giggled.

For a moment they sat in silence and listened to the child sing to herself in the distance. Erik once more looked up at the sky to see signs that it was time to return soon.

"I have to go now." He said and reluctantly moved so she would leave his arms.

"I know, it has been a lovely day hasn't it?" She asked with a sad smile.

"Yes it has my love, you know..." He started then looked over at Danielle.

"I wish she could have met you, you both have so much in common I'm sure she would have loved you dearly." He said smiling.

"I wish too, but it's alright. I still watch, I'm always watching. Good-bye Erik, I love you."

"Good-bye Christine, I love you."



___
_/___\_
(*)_*

This haunted face
holds no horror
for me now . . .

Erik woke up clinging to the clammy body of the girl beside her. She was cold now although perspiring, however upon feeling her forehead he found her fever had broke. Sighing, he pulled her closer and wrapped the covers around her more as he listened to her calm breaths fill the silence of the room. She was his daughter, and forever would be. Slowly and hestitating he lifted his arms to behind his head and slowly undid the mask that covered half his face. Quietly he placed it on the table beside them and went back to sleep.

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