Disclaimer~ ok, this is the best part I think sometimes, cuz you try to come up with a new one every time, until you get bored with it... anyways... I don't own Phantom, because I was dished out an unlucky hand in time and am tempted to try and fix that. That's right, I have been dabbling in time travel, maybe then I can fix things, and have ownership!!! mwa ha ha.
Finally yet importantly this is the last time I explain my stupidity... I think I have drilled into everyone's head that the characters are. Christine is somewhat NOW after her pregnancy my creation in the musical Christine's body... and Erik is the musical Erik with the Susan Kay's Book past... Nadir like, never re entered the story though cuz they had the musical outcome mostly... you know, since he didn't die.
Am I confusing? you can tell me to shut up if you want, lots of people do, or they start singing "this is the song that doesn't end..." When I go off on my tangents...
Chapter Fifteen: Decisions
Good heavens!
Will you show a little courtesy?
"So this is your cabin." Christine said not quite sure of what to say. It was not the majestic house underneath the opera, although Erik would never allow himself to live in squalor.
The truth was it was small and quaint. exactly what she had always pictured herself living in instead of a large mansion. She quietly walked over, sat herself down on his couch, and looked around.
It wasn't as horrible as she had initially thought upon entering. In fact, with a few feminine touches, this would be exactly like her dream house. A house that she would never live in due to her status as Vicomtess. Tears threatened to fall at the thought that this felt more like home then the one she lived in for more then a year now.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" Erik asked her shattering her thoughts of perfection.
"Uh, yes. That would be wonderful." She said smiling up at him meekly.
Slowly he walked over to the kitchen and began to prepare, leaving Christine to her thoughts again. When she was a child she lived in a cabin not so different from this for a period of time. There were no rooms, no solitude, everything she did she did with her father. They had lived close to a lake and she would bathe there alone everyday until they had to leave behind their little peace of heaven. She began to wonder if the cabin here had a lake or pond.
"Here you are Christine." Erik said placing the cup in front of her.
Quietly she took a sip from the cup. It tasted different she thought and then remembered that he drank Russian tea.
Taking another sip of the liquid she looked at him as he sat across from her trying not to stare.
"I suppose I should fix your hand, after all it is why you are here." He said shifting in his seat.
"I suppose that would be best. You should change your shirt, you will catch a cold." She said smiling carefully when he got up and returned to the kitchen area.
When he was out of site Christine bit her lip. Why couldn't things just be so much easier? I thought things were supposed to be happy and delightful. All I feel is torn between the father of my child and an angel descended from Heaven. She thought.
She still loved Raoul, but there relationship had begun to diminish in its stability. He didn't trust her to be herself and she did not trust him period. Things just changed, and she didn't know if they could change back.
"Here, show me your hand," Erik said sitting in front of her. She obediently gave her hand to him, and noticed he had changed his shirt when she was not looking. Maybe it had been best for him to do that she thought blushing as he carefully unwrapped the throbbing mass.
"This is dreadful Christine, your hand will surely scar." He said unhappy looking at the tears and gashes created by the shattered glass.
"It doesn't matter, it's only a hand. I know now that looks are not important." She said in thought, He looked up at her sharply stunned.
___
_/___\_
(*)_*
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea...
She had said looks did not matter, what kind of game of the head or heart was she playing? Erik thought. When he looked her in the eye, he saw she had not said it for him, she had said it subconsciously, for she seemed lost in thoughts.
When she realized he was looking at her, she broke her trancelike look and blushed furiously, it was if, her subconscious and heart had been speaking for her and now she comprehended what her heart had said on her behalf.
"Do you really think that?" He said gently massaging the broken skin into place, so that the skin would heal flat instead of lumpy, trying his best to make the damage as minute as possible.
"Well, of course, how vain would someone have to be?" She stammered pretending that the topic of conversation was not one of so much importance in their relationship.
He smiled warmly, and kept massaging the hand. Christine searched his eyes looking for something and he quickly dropped his head to study the hand carefully.
___
_/___\_
(*)_*
Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.
What was she doing? Why was she playing with a fire that would surely burn her! Erik was a killer, he was a madman, and he surely would of killed Raoul that night if she had not prevented it.
However, something in the back of her mind was fighting that impression that was so ugly. Something kept reminding her that in the last year she had not heard a peep of him and he lived so close, reminded her that if he had wanted to he could of killed in the last year. He could of killed Raoul and made it look like a mere accident, and he had not. In fact he had watched over her, taken care of her and made sure she was safe without making himself present.
Slowly she placed her hand on top of his that was massaging now that he finished bandaging it. She stop him because she had to stop pretending and so did he.
Ever so slightly Erik raised his head and met her eyes, she knew it was hard for him, he was trying to make things as formal and friendly as possible, but she was getting tired of it, they couldn't hide from their past much longer.
"Erik..." She said as he half laughed and shook his head, letting his hair fall over his eyes.
"Erik, why did you stay? why didn't you just leave me? after all I did, all the hurt I caused?..." She said taking her broken and cut up hand to his face.
He closed his eyes as her little hand met his cheek on the side that was unmasked. subconsciously he pressed his face deeper into the cup of her palm and Christine had to bite her tongue from screaming out in pain.
"I stayed because you are my life, and though you didn't you hold mine in your hands, I will not leave or rest until you are finished here in this world and return to the arms of heaven were you belong. Even if you cannot give me yours, you own my heart and soul. You cannot give them back until you are ready." He said shakily.
She didn't know what to say, or if she should say anything at this point. How could it really help if she told him the truth that she honestly did love him and he did own her heart and soul. However, she could not give up her duties as a mother and wife.
Or could she? she did not know, she did not know what she wanted or what she should do. What was there to do? and what did he want her to do? Would he accept her if she did leave Raoul?
For the first time in a long while, Christine wished someone would just make the decision for her. To just be young and naive like she was so many years ago, for then maybe everything would be all right. She cursed the day she met Erik and he made her realize life could be more then just someone's wife and mother, and yet how important those two jobs could be to one man.
He let her go, proving his love, which made it harder for her not to love him. SO many things told her in her head that she was wrong, that he was a murderer that he was insane, that he was a monster not of the flesh, but of the soul, and at the same time an itch, a yearning had been in her ever since she left the tormented man. Something she didn't understand but she knew was love. she DID begin to resent Raoul for him coming and getting himself into the position where Erik would kill him. She wondered what her choice would have been then, would she of choose Erik anyways? Maybe she would of, and maybe she might have even stayed if he would of allowed her too. Maybe, but there was one thing she knew for sure, she loved that tormented soul and man. Now all she had to figure out is if she loved him more then Raoul and the lifestyle he could offer her.
Christine loved her daughter with all her heart and still loved Raoul for her own reasons. He was the father of Danielle, her love, and her life. Without Raoul, Danielle might have never been. Therefore Raoul still held an important part of her, not to mention how much he loved their daughter himself. In fact if he didn't, it would be so much of an easier decision.
If he didn't love Danielle with every fibre of his being like she, then she would have no problem telling Erik right now that she loved him completely, and they could run away together hand in hand heart and soul, with Danielle between them. But she couldn't take away the only thing left for Raoul to love, and have loved him back unconditionally. He spoiled and fawned over the child as though she were a goddess and she knew that once Danielle was old enough she would love him with the same devotion, something Christine could no longer do. So how could she take that away from him? And how could she leave the one thing in her life that was stable? her daughter?
"It's dark," She ended up saying, hoping that he would not take her changing of the subject as her not feeling something.
"It is," he said finally dropping the hand he had ended up holding between his to his face. He then took out his pocket watch and checked the time.
"It is 12:00 am it seems, late indeed. You should go to bed, you must be up early tomorrow so that you are home on time." He said clearing his through and gesturing her to follow him over to the bed.
Quickly he pulled back the covers and motioned for her to slip underneath them.
"Where are you to sleep?" She asked him softly and gazed up into his amber eyes.
"Me? I am to, well the divan will suit me just fine." He replied hastily.
"Why don't you sleep with me." She said without shame.
He looked at her with confusion, anger and shame at her request, she could see him blush and about to object when she explained.
"I'm not suggesting anything other then for you to sleep with me, please Erik, just sleep with me. For tonight, I'm still a bit afraid and don't want to be left alone." She said, laying a little bit near the end.
"Alright," He managed to choke out and slipped off his shoes before sliding under the covers as well. He lay there rigid for a moment not knowing what to do.
Christine waited for him to wrap his arms around her like she had wanted for so long. For this night that she dreamt of since she fled them, but the gesture never came.
Sighing she rolled over, grabbed them and placed them around her waist, if they were to do this they might as well do it properly, though she still felt that she was doing nothing wrong.
As long as they were not doing anything immoral under God's standards she felt no regret. This would most likely be there last night together and she wanted to go have him hold her as much as possible, for she realized she couldn't leave Raoul. As long as her daughter was apart of her and Raoul she would not tear the little family apart.
She had grown up she realized, and unfortunately that meant she knew not to be selfish. She had to be strong and suffer for the sake of Danielle. That was one of her duties as a mother. To make sure that the needs of her daughter are met.
She would leave her angel again, however this time not willingly.
Chapter Fifteen: Decisions
Good heavens!
Will you show a little courtesy?
"So this is your cabin." Christine said not quite sure of what to say. It was not the majestic house underneath the opera, although Erik would never allow himself to live in squalor.
The truth was it was small and quaint. exactly what she had always pictured herself living in instead of a large mansion. She quietly walked over, sat herself down on his couch, and looked around.
It wasn't as horrible as she had initially thought upon entering. In fact, with a few feminine touches, this would be exactly like her dream house. A house that she would never live in due to her status as Vicomtess. Tears threatened to fall at the thought that this felt more like home then the one she lived in for more then a year now.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" Erik asked her shattering her thoughts of perfection.
"Uh, yes. That would be wonderful." She said smiling up at him meekly.
Slowly he walked over to the kitchen and began to prepare, leaving Christine to her thoughts again. When she was a child she lived in a cabin not so different from this for a period of time. There were no rooms, no solitude, everything she did she did with her father. They had lived close to a lake and she would bathe there alone everyday until they had to leave behind their little peace of heaven. She began to wonder if the cabin here had a lake or pond.
"Here you are Christine." Erik said placing the cup in front of her.
Quietly she took a sip from the cup. It tasted different she thought and then remembered that he drank Russian tea.
Taking another sip of the liquid she looked at him as he sat across from her trying not to stare.
"I suppose I should fix your hand, after all it is why you are here." He said shifting in his seat.
"I suppose that would be best. You should change your shirt, you will catch a cold." She said smiling carefully when he got up and returned to the kitchen area.
When he was out of site Christine bit her lip. Why couldn't things just be so much easier? I thought things were supposed to be happy and delightful. All I feel is torn between the father of my child and an angel descended from Heaven. She thought.
She still loved Raoul, but there relationship had begun to diminish in its stability. He didn't trust her to be herself and she did not trust him period. Things just changed, and she didn't know if they could change back.
"Here, show me your hand," Erik said sitting in front of her. She obediently gave her hand to him, and noticed he had changed his shirt when she was not looking. Maybe it had been best for him to do that she thought blushing as he carefully unwrapped the throbbing mass.
"This is dreadful Christine, your hand will surely scar." He said unhappy looking at the tears and gashes created by the shattered glass.
"It doesn't matter, it's only a hand. I know now that looks are not important." She said in thought, He looked up at her sharply stunned.
___
_/___\_
(*)_*
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea...
She had said looks did not matter, what kind of game of the head or heart was she playing? Erik thought. When he looked her in the eye, he saw she had not said it for him, she had said it subconsciously, for she seemed lost in thoughts.
When she realized he was looking at her, she broke her trancelike look and blushed furiously, it was if, her subconscious and heart had been speaking for her and now she comprehended what her heart had said on her behalf.
"Do you really think that?" He said gently massaging the broken skin into place, so that the skin would heal flat instead of lumpy, trying his best to make the damage as minute as possible.
"Well, of course, how vain would someone have to be?" She stammered pretending that the topic of conversation was not one of so much importance in their relationship.
He smiled warmly, and kept massaging the hand. Christine searched his eyes looking for something and he quickly dropped his head to study the hand carefully.
___
_/___\_
(*)_*
Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.
What was she doing? Why was she playing with a fire that would surely burn her! Erik was a killer, he was a madman, and he surely would of killed Raoul that night if she had not prevented it.
However, something in the back of her mind was fighting that impression that was so ugly. Something kept reminding her that in the last year she had not heard a peep of him and he lived so close, reminded her that if he had wanted to he could of killed in the last year. He could of killed Raoul and made it look like a mere accident, and he had not. In fact he had watched over her, taken care of her and made sure she was safe without making himself present.
Slowly she placed her hand on top of his that was massaging now that he finished bandaging it. She stop him because she had to stop pretending and so did he.
Ever so slightly Erik raised his head and met her eyes, she knew it was hard for him, he was trying to make things as formal and friendly as possible, but she was getting tired of it, they couldn't hide from their past much longer.
"Erik..." She said as he half laughed and shook his head, letting his hair fall over his eyes.
"Erik, why did you stay? why didn't you just leave me? after all I did, all the hurt I caused?..." She said taking her broken and cut up hand to his face.
He closed his eyes as her little hand met his cheek on the side that was unmasked. subconsciously he pressed his face deeper into the cup of her palm and Christine had to bite her tongue from screaming out in pain.
"I stayed because you are my life, and though you didn't you hold mine in your hands, I will not leave or rest until you are finished here in this world and return to the arms of heaven were you belong. Even if you cannot give me yours, you own my heart and soul. You cannot give them back until you are ready." He said shakily.
She didn't know what to say, or if she should say anything at this point. How could it really help if she told him the truth that she honestly did love him and he did own her heart and soul. However, she could not give up her duties as a mother and wife.
Or could she? she did not know, she did not know what she wanted or what she should do. What was there to do? and what did he want her to do? Would he accept her if she did leave Raoul?
For the first time in a long while, Christine wished someone would just make the decision for her. To just be young and naive like she was so many years ago, for then maybe everything would be all right. She cursed the day she met Erik and he made her realize life could be more then just someone's wife and mother, and yet how important those two jobs could be to one man.
He let her go, proving his love, which made it harder for her not to love him. SO many things told her in her head that she was wrong, that he was a murderer that he was insane, that he was a monster not of the flesh, but of the soul, and at the same time an itch, a yearning had been in her ever since she left the tormented man. Something she didn't understand but she knew was love. she DID begin to resent Raoul for him coming and getting himself into the position where Erik would kill him. She wondered what her choice would have been then, would she of choose Erik anyways? Maybe she would of, and maybe she might have even stayed if he would of allowed her too. Maybe, but there was one thing she knew for sure, she loved that tormented soul and man. Now all she had to figure out is if she loved him more then Raoul and the lifestyle he could offer her.
Christine loved her daughter with all her heart and still loved Raoul for her own reasons. He was the father of Danielle, her love, and her life. Without Raoul, Danielle might have never been. Therefore Raoul still held an important part of her, not to mention how much he loved their daughter himself. In fact if he didn't, it would be so much of an easier decision.
If he didn't love Danielle with every fibre of his being like she, then she would have no problem telling Erik right now that she loved him completely, and they could run away together hand in hand heart and soul, with Danielle between them. But she couldn't take away the only thing left for Raoul to love, and have loved him back unconditionally. He spoiled and fawned over the child as though she were a goddess and she knew that once Danielle was old enough she would love him with the same devotion, something Christine could no longer do. So how could she take that away from him? And how could she leave the one thing in her life that was stable? her daughter?
"It's dark," She ended up saying, hoping that he would not take her changing of the subject as her not feeling something.
"It is," he said finally dropping the hand he had ended up holding between his to his face. He then took out his pocket watch and checked the time.
"It is 12:00 am it seems, late indeed. You should go to bed, you must be up early tomorrow so that you are home on time." He said clearing his through and gesturing her to follow him over to the bed.
Quickly he pulled back the covers and motioned for her to slip underneath them.
"Where are you to sleep?" She asked him softly and gazed up into his amber eyes.
"Me? I am to, well the divan will suit me just fine." He replied hastily.
"Why don't you sleep with me." She said without shame.
He looked at her with confusion, anger and shame at her request, she could see him blush and about to object when she explained.
"I'm not suggesting anything other then for you to sleep with me, please Erik, just sleep with me. For tonight, I'm still a bit afraid and don't want to be left alone." She said, laying a little bit near the end.
"Alright," He managed to choke out and slipped off his shoes before sliding under the covers as well. He lay there rigid for a moment not knowing what to do.
Christine waited for him to wrap his arms around her like she had wanted for so long. For this night that she dreamt of since she fled them, but the gesture never came.
Sighing she rolled over, grabbed them and placed them around her waist, if they were to do this they might as well do it properly, though she still felt that she was doing nothing wrong.
As long as they were not doing anything immoral under God's standards she felt no regret. This would most likely be there last night together and she wanted to go have him hold her as much as possible, for she realized she couldn't leave Raoul. As long as her daughter was apart of her and Raoul she would not tear the little family apart.
She had grown up she realized, and unfortunately that meant she knew not to be selfish. She had to be strong and suffer for the sake of Danielle. That was one of her duties as a mother. To make sure that the needs of her daughter are met.
She would leave her angel again, however this time not willingly.
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.