Robin Williams on Late Night with Conan O'Brian

Robin on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, NBC, 4 Mar 10 00:55 2005

[ cheers and applause]

>> Conan: Get the lead out! My first guest is an academy award winning actor and hilarious comedian. Beginning friday you can see him in the animated film "robots." Please welcome Robin Williams!

[ Screams and applause ]

>> Conan: A mime here tonight. How are ya?

Robin >> Very good great to be here, mr. O'brien.

>> Conan: Thank you.

>> Starts off right away, just to set it up and be right with ya.

>> Conan: Have you noticed that irish people don't really talk that way?

>> No, you do and they go, "what's wrong with you?"

>> Conan: The e met you can't understand a single word. It's like --

>> both: Argh!

>> We're all pirates, argh!

>> Conan: What are you going to do for st. Patrick's day? Does it mean anything else to you.

>> I'll be with everybody else claiming they're irish. I'm a black irishman. Tell me what i can do with that now. Yeah, my name's o'haquan. You know what I mean.

>> Con new york goes crazy on st. Patrick's day. Mostly i see a lot of italians >> Everybody comes out. For that day you're granted a brief pass. To go out and go --

>> conan: You get to throw up on everybody.

>> Come on down here. We're driving the snakes out. We're driving them towards -- heading them towards L.A.. And see what happens.

>> Conan: Excuor a holiday.

>> "What was the holiday?"� Eatingof e snakes." "Wow. Ours is about leaving egypt. Hello." "We don't need to flee. The irish are fleeing. What are you taking?" "We'll take the flat bed. What are you taking?" "We'll take all the guinness. Keep going. It is irish passover."

>> Conan: We'll have guilater on in the show. We'll find about that later on. I'll get you some.

>> At least this is a happy time.

>> Conan: Thishappy time with this show tonight.

>> Got milk? No.

>> Conan: What was that all about?

>> I don't know.

>> Conan: I want to grab it now.

>> Don't be afraid. We all have them.

[ Laughter ]

>> conan: Almost all of us.

>> Let it go.

>> Conan: I'll be all right. I want a man booby.

>> Yes. "Nipples on men -- this week on Geraldo."

>> Conan: I you about the oscars, because you're first person i think I've talked to who was there.

>> Oh, yes.

>> Conan: And I want to know what you thought. They had a lot of changes this year at the oscars to try to speed it up. What did you think?

>> I liked the a deal part." I expected them to do the technical awards. You've come dressed as a cucumber. "You've won!"

>> Conan: Ke a game sh

>> a bit like "american idol" where they had everybody come up and go, "i'm sorry, the rest

you, se live."

>> Conan: Did you think that that was awkward, that they'd get people up there? And then they'd say "the oscar goes to --" and the everyone else just has to slowly walk away.

>> "Thanks, I guess I'm nothing."

[ Laughter ] but the great thing is, you see them all backstage going, "we'll get them." It's a bizarre set-up. Anenonceinging eve song ever written.

[ Laughter ]"we have people who could sing. Why did you have to put the parking attendant. All these boys are just like parking lot attendants. Why are they here?"

>> Conan: It's refreshing that you were there. That's the feeling that all of us who were watching it on tv had, when beyonce sang her 11th song. I love beyonce. But it is nice to know that that's what people there were thinking.

>> The spanish p thinking "at least we got away with something. Good thing she didn't sing our song because stuff would have happened."

[ Laughter ] "we had antonio banderas after a shower singing his song."

>> Conan: He ran out on stage.

[ Singing in spanish ]

>> wld y ever think>> can: I'd love to do that some day. Some day i will do it.

>> It's a great gig. It's a lot of fun. There's a lot of love in the room.

>> Conan: I can imagine. A crowd that's ready to laugh.

>> You see nichoon in the front going "give it your best shot."

[ Laugh

>> conan: You've done it, right?

>> One year I was one of three hosts. It was alan Alda and jane Fonda, which, there's some funny people.

[ Laughter ] if you want to riff, those are the people you'd pick. You know what I mean? It's a gig for the moment you're out there. You look out and see gregory peck looking at you like, "you're not going to grab yourself, are you?"

[ Laughter ]>> conan: Diyoha a temptation to go --

>> yo, gregory! What about these, baby!

[ Laughter ]

>> conan: You got me looking there again. Once again, goes to the man boobs. You did a great thing. You entertained -- I re an teive article. You entertained the troops in iraq. Which is a great thing to do.

[ Cheers ] and you say it's a swell thing to do. And you -- seriously, you were one of these guys to laugh so you actually do a lot of --

>> you hope they laugh because if they don't, you say, "that's a long way to go." You go and you kind of look around and ask them what's been happening. The weird thing you land in iraq, and you see most people are in the standard desert camouflage. Except some are deployed with woodland green. It's a little rough because you're going, ss"pt, there are not that many trees." Ufmolage.

>> One guy hiding behind a bush going "be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm wooking for insurgents."

>> Conan: E onlyh in0 miles.

>> There are some countries -- well the air force has a camouflage that's kind of bizarre. They have a kind of blue with a lighter blue. The kind of don't ask, don't tell camo. The only time you can hide is you have to be up against the horizon on a cloudy day. "I can't see him. Oh, look, look. No one can see."

>> Conan: And yoth the troops, too is that right?

>> Occasionally you get to ride in a hummer, which is a car, a great thing.

[ Light laughter ] u see that sometimes after that Rumsfeld has spoken. "You fight with what you get." Thank you, coach. And you see some of the road warrior hummers, you wanted to strap Rumsfeld on the front like lord humongous. Like "I'll bring them now!" The guys in tennessee --

>> conan: E mamax thing.Re, I'll pimp your truck for you. Come on! Take my explorer. I can run over things. It ain't a big deal." You know, you also see people driving around on hummers in the freeways. You want to say, take the chance get a bradley, my man. Get a small tank, you're on the freeway. Mom, get in the turret. We're going to get groceries run down a vegetable stand! Tommy, two by two down the aisles! Get the meat! Follow me!

[ Applause ]

>> conan: That's dangerous work. Can you hang on one second? We've got to -- I'll not be afidra. Robin Williams when we come back.

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Conan: Thanks for coming right back.

>> Here, take this.

>> Conan: I want to ask you about this. I've never done it. But you swam with dolphins recently. That's something that you recommend? That people swim with dolphins?

>> I would recommend it with certain caveats. One, swimming with them in the open water is kind of fun because they don't have to be with you. But if you do it in like a confined space, it is a bit like lap dancing.

>> Conan: Right,>> "oh, me swim with you. Me swim with you." And then --

>> conan: They're horny dolphins, yes.

>> Oh, oh, oh!

>> Conan: This nipple keeps coming at me. I don't know what it ...

>> "I'll be over here. Ma really loves pa. I want tuna. Tuna is my friend." But if you at a certain point in a confined space, they get a little -- "okay, that's it. I gotta go. I got things to do."

>> Conan: They get tired of you.

>> And the one bit me. Hey, hey, hey, i thought you were supposed to be friendly.

>> Conan: Where did it bite you?

>> My hand.

[Laughter] and the trainer said, "you put your finger in his blow hole." And I said, I think not. "Hi, how are you, nice to meet you."

Conan >>� Who would put the finger in the blow hole? No one would do that.

>> I think no one.

>> Conan: Well, there's a couple of people.

>> "Are you nuts? I'd do that right off the bat."
Conan >> La bamba over there is like, "get me some blow holes!"

>> Go to blowhole.Com. You get the right dolphin, they're not against it. You give them a couple of sardines, they're willing to go all night in the blow hole. And you hear this noise.� [sexy breathing]

>> Conan: All right. That was too much. I'll edit that. I'll see that that's edited out.

>> So when you see them get curious, that's when it's fun. In the open water they come and check you out. They bring the kids. But even the smaller dolphins, like: don't touch them. They will swim by.

>> Conan: A real intelligence
there.

>> And they're doing anthropomorphic studies like, "they can be trained."

[ Laughter ] "watch, I'll jump out of the water and they'll come to the side."

>> Conan: Very fascinating. I want to speak to you about this. You've been on several times but we never talked about it. You were a very serious wrestler when you were a young man.

Robin >> In high school
i wrestled. When you're a little guy. And you're a tall man, so don't be afraid when i was like in high school, first of all, when i was in junior high, I was kind of fat. So i thought, "i'll go for sports." When you finally get down and you realize that you're 98 pounds and i wrestled 103, in wrestling it's the only time you can go against another 103-pound person.

>> Conan: They match you that way.

>> It is not you against the big fat kid. You're up against another kid that hasn't eaten who is going, "let's get it over with." It was always weird because I'd have a match and my mother finally came to one of the matches. My coach is on the side going, "crotch ride! Crotch ride!" Thanks, that's my mom.

Conan >> What are you saying?

>> Crotch ride. They don't actually grab them like that. Well, that was the first greek wrestling. That's how they shake hands. Epidermis?

[ Laughter ] but it's a weird sport when you finish and you're both standing and the second pair you come over and the referee goes, "top or bottom?" I was going, "isn't that really a lifetime choice?" And you are dressed in kind of a thong, this little tang top thing and you're wrestling. It's a manly sport, really. You see the people watching, yes it's fabulous.

>> Conan: It would be good if you have a lower center of gravity, that's a good sport. My center gravity is somewhere up here i would tip over instantly.

Robin >> hey would go right for your legs. Oop, bam, next thing you're going get to the side of the mat. Get to the side of the mat. Touch me."

>> Conan: Get me over there.
Avoid the crotch ride at all
times.

>> Not like professional wrestling, it is brutal. My arms would go, I would finish a match and go, thanks, "that was a lot of fun. Bye-bye."

>> Conan: Would you do it anymore just for fun?

>> No, Once in awhile with the wife. But that's different

[ cheers and applause ]

>> conan: Yeah, yeah.

>> You know the ride i like.

>> Conan: There's no better time to move on. Now to "Robots", A family friendly cartoon, we'll go from crotch in to robots!

Robin >> Hey kids, enjoy the cartoon. Oh, well, enjoy this cartoon which has no genitalia.
Conan >> You must have a life-long fan.

>> I loved cartoons growing up. Always, especially the�
Warner Brothers. You realize that, we watched cartoons for a while, now we can't have character that has that speech impedment. Why not? Or like this. Or like this? Your character talks like this. Or you got a stuttering pig. I'm sorry, that'll offend people. But B-b-b ...

>> Conan: A lot of us, i know my comedy was greatly influenced by watching warner brothers cartoons as a kid. That's where i learned a lot about what being funny is all about.

>> Oh, big time. And you also had a cross-dressing rabbit that kissed Elmer Fudd and Elmer'd be like, "ooh!" I'm sure there are some kids on broadway right now going, "i remember."

[Cheers]

>> Conan: An important time in my life, yeah.

>> I want to thank bugs. And my significant other.

>> Conan: We have a clip here from "robots." Anything we need to know here?

>> Just that it's anatimation.

[ Luglahter ]

>> Conan: Let's take a look.

>> Gee, pull yourself together. All you need is an upgrade.

>> All i need is one stinking neck joint. Oh boy, why does this happen to me?

>> Sorry, pal, either upgrade or the chop shop for you.

>> Look, no hands.

>> Hey, up, up, up, ho, anh-tah-dah, i'm back. Miss me?

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Conan: The stuff looks so good. Chilling what they can do now.

>> It's frightening. The animation is so beautiful. The 3d world that they make, is so gorgeous. It's like Busby Berkel meets Fritz Lang. Every frame is so beautiful. Kids are like -- kids are great, because if they don't like something they'll go, "that's really reminiscent of something i don't want to see again."