> 
> Darwin Awards 2001 
> 
> You all know 
> about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honour 
> given to the person who did 
> the gene pool the biggest service by killing 
> themselves in the most 
> extraordinarily stupid way.  Last year's winner was 
> the fellow who was 
> killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top 
> of him as he was 
> attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the 
> nominees are: 
> 
> 9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of 
> getting drunk cheaply, 
> because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, 
> mixed gasoline with milk. 
> Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and 
> he vomited into the 
> fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and 
> fire burned his house 
> down, killing both him and his sister. 
> 
> 8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the 
> basement of his home died of 
> suffocation, according to police. He was 
> approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 
> 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white 
> bra, black and white 
> saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he 
> was trying to create a 
> schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a 
> military gas mask that had 
> the filter canister removed and a rubber hose 
> attached in its place. The 
> other end of the hose was connected to a one end of 
> a hollow wooden tube 
> approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's 
> other end was inserted into 
> his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of 
> his suffocation. Police 
> found the task of explaining the circumstances of 
> his death to his family 
> very awkward. 
> 
> 7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light 
> aircraft at low altitude when 
> another plane approached. It appears that they 
> decided to moon the occupants 
> of the other plane, but lost control of their own 
> aircraft and crashed. They 
> were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants 
> around their ankles. 
> 
> 6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. 
> She had no details 
> before arriving, except that someone had reported 
> that his father was not 
> breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man 
> face down on the couch 
> naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse 
> and to start CPR, she 
> noticed burn marks around his genitals.  After the 
> ambulance arrived and 
> removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival 
> at the hospital - the 
> police made a closer inspection of the couch, and 
> noticed that 
> the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon 
> flipping  the couch over, 
> they discovered what had caused his death. 
> Apparently, the man had a habit 
> of putting his penis between the cushions, down into 
> the hole and between 
> two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, 
> for obvious 
> >> reasons). 
> According to the story, after his orgasm the 
> discharge shorted out one of 
> the sanders, electrocuting him. 
> 
> 5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her 
> car on a highway near 
> Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously 
> injuring her passenger and 
> killing herself.  As a commonplace road accident, 
> this would not have 
> qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for 
> the fact that the 
> driver's attention had been distracted by her 
> Tamagotchi key ring, which had 
> started urgently beeping for food as she drove 
> along. In an attempt to press 
> the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, 
> the woman lost her own. 
> 
> 4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead 
> after he tried to use 
> octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad 
> trestle.  Fairfax 
> County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, 
> taped a 
> bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end 
> around one foot, anchored the 
> other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, 
> jumped and hit the pavement. 
> Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said 
> investigators think Barcia was 
> alone because his car was found nearby. "The length 
> of the cord that he had 
> assembled was greater than the distance between the 
> trestle and the ground," 
> Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of 
> death was "Major trauma." 
> 
> 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It 
> seems that he and a 
> friend were playing a game of catch, using the 
> rattlesnake as a ball.  The 
> friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - 
> was hospitalized. 
> 
> 2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west 
> Texas noticed the smell of 
> a gas leak. Sensibly, management  evacuated the 
> building extinguishing all 
> potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. 
> After the building had 
> been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company 
> were dispatched.  Upon 
> entering the building, they found they had 
> difficulty navigating in the 
> dark. To their frustration, none of the lights 
> worked.  Witnesses later 
> described the sight of one of the technicians 
> reaching into his pocket and 
> retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette 
> lighter.  Upon operation of 
> the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse 
> exploded, sending pieces 
> of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of 
> the technicians, but the 
> lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. 
> The technician suspected 
> of causing the blast had never been thought of as 
> 'bright' by his peers. 
> 
> And the winner . . . The Arizona Highway Patrol came 
> upon a pile of 
> smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff 
> rising above the road at 
> the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site 
> of an airplane crash, 
> but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable 
> at the scene.  The lab 
> finally figured out what it was and what had 
> happened. 
> 
> It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a 
> JATO unit (Jet Assisted 
> Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is 
> used to give heavy military 
> transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from 
> short airfields.  He 
> had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and 
> found a long and 
> straight stretch of road. 
> 
> Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped 
> in, got up some speed and 
> fired off the JATO! The facts as best as could be 
> determined are that the 
> operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at 
> a distance of 
> approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This 
> was established by the 
> prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that 
> location. The JATO, if 
> operating properly, would have reached maximum 
> thrust within 5 seconds, 
> causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 
> 350 mph and continuing 
> at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The 
> driver, and soon to be 
> pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces 
> usually reserved for dog 
> fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing 
> him to become 
> insignificant for the remainder of the event. 
> However, the automobile 
> remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles 
> (15-20 seconds)before 
> the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, 
> blowing the tires and 
> leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then 
> becoming airborne for 
> an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face 
> at a 
> height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet 
> deep in the rock. Most 
> of the driver's remains were not recoverable; 
> however, small fragments of 
> bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater 
> and fingernail and bone 
> shards were removed from a piece of debris believed 
> to be a 
> portion of the steering wheel. Epilogue: It has been 
> calculated that this 
> moron nearly reached Mach I, attaining a ground 
> speed of approximately 420 
> mph. 
> 
>