Back to topTo the tune of "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray
Every morning there's a line around my corner 'cause I live next to the cineplex
Scalpers wanting like $200 for a ticket
Didn't have it so I wrote them a check
I just can't believe it
Georege Lucas is a genius
"Star Wars" is back again
First I'm gonna see it
And then I'm gonna see it again
Every morning..
Shut the door baby
The movie just started
Every morning...
Hi kids
Do you like sci-fi action with Sam Jackson?
Gonna blow up like "Titanic" with Bill Paxton
Cool brother with the bald head and goatee
Isn't he the first black guy to be in "Star Wars" since Billy Dee
Hi, My name is
Huh? My name is
Who? My name is
Chicky---Chicky---Mace Windu
To the tune of "Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin
He says the force is with you then he leans on a small cane
To make you lift things up without hands
To make you use your brain
And then you go insane
Give Jedi Advice
Livin' la Vida Yoda
He won't tell you twice
Livin' la Vida Yoda
A swamp is where he lives
He looks like Abe Vigoda
Tells it like it is
Livin' la Vida Yoda
Livin' la Vida Yoda
Livin' la Vida Yoda
And it's seven more days left in October
And it's one more week 'til Halloween
But it's been so long since I Trick or Treated
I think I should
Na, na, na, na, yeah, yeah
Well she said it's cold outside I said it's October
And when we get to the party
We see someone else is dressed like Jenny McCarthy
And she says baby, I thought that I'd be the one and only
And she says baby, let's have a drink and then leave I mean
Oh I'm pissed
I can't believe someone else wore the same costume
How bout mini candy bars aren't they moronic
How bout cheap people that give you bags of pennies, yeah
Thank you Mike and Ike
Thank you Candy Corn
Thank you, thank you Smarties
To the tune of "Sex and Candy" by Marcy's Playground
I have eggs and candy here
Shaving creme is in my hair
Shine my flashlight at people that stare in my direction
Momma this is Happy Halloween to you
Yeah momma this is Happy Halloween
It's almost the 14th of February
You should try and guess
Why I'm so depressed
I wish you would send that Valentine my friend
You should see the junk mail and all the bills that I've been getting in
And if I get one more thing from Ed McMahon
I'll kill my mailman
She said she likes hard candy
I said yeah who doesn't
She likes the little candies
Her favorite ones with the hearts
With all the words on them like 'hug me' and 'kiss me' and 'miss ya' and 'cutie pie'
And I said if I get those then maybe tonight you'll be mine
Valentine
She said you're a complete idiot
Cause it's almost midnight on Valentine's Day and I haven't gotten one damn candy
And I said if I get you those things then maybe you'll be mine
Valentine
Took her hand, brushed back her hair and I sang to her
I said if I get you those things then maybe you'll be mine
Valentine
I know a place
It's open up all night
Valentine
Valentine
Valentine
To the tune of "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals
It's three o'clock in the morning
I'm wasted Valentine's night, right
My ex-girlfriend's getting a phone call tonight
I got tequilla in me
Don't hang up
It's your ex-boyfriend Jimmy
I am drunk
Had six Long Island Iced Teas
I love you
Won't you come back to me please?
I got myself a Whitman's sampler chocolate
It comes with a diagram
That describes every one
And it's sealed in a heart-shaped box
And it's sealed
And it's sealed in a stay fresh box
And it's sealed
Will you be my Valentine?
Will you be my Valentine?
Will you be my Valentine?
To the tune of "All the Small Things" by Blink-182
Spring break, that year
Went out and bought beer
Cashier grab me, took my fake id
Wait a second man, you don't understand
That picture is me with a turban and a tan
Ma, ma, ma, ma, my name's Muhammed
They say "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
Give me a million and I wouldn't care
There's only one place that I have to be
That's at the beach house on MTV
Cancun, Coasta Rica Baby I don't care
Use my Dad's VISA if it gets me there
Tell me Carson Daly 'cause I need to know
How I'm gonna get onto the Spring Break show
I need to know...Spring Break show
Well it's a hot one
Al Rocker says that it makes 101
I got my boom box and my cooler
filled with tequisa out by the pool
But you all went to the ocean
Locked me out of my room
I need some sun tan lotion on my body soon
I look just like a lobster Man, my trip is ruined
Get me a plane ticket home and lets forget about it-
LET'S FORGET ABOUT IT!
To the tune of "So Much to Say" by the Dave Matthews Band
I say my head is hurtin',
I'm just wakin' up
And I am shakin' 'cause I just threw up-yeah, yeah, yeah
Drank too much, drank all 35 flavors of jello shots
Smoked somebody's pot
And then I did a kegstand for a long, long time
Made out with a stranger for a long, long time
This is what the Spring Break is all about, little baby
i dont care what youre momma says
christmas time is hereee.
i dont care what youre daddy says
christmas time is deeeear.
all i know is that santas sleigh is making its way to the USA
i dont care what the mayor says
christmas is full of cheeeeeeeer
i dont care if you think its a lie
christmas will soon be heeeeeeere
i dont care about the CIA
i dont care what the calendar say
i wish it was christmas today
i wish it was christmas today
I wish it was christmas day (reprise 12-16-00)
last week we did a little holiday song up here and it was a lot of fun,
so we asked if we could do it again and they said absolutely not, lets do it anyway
i dont care what the people say
christmas is really funnn
i dont care what the neighbors say
christmas is number oooooonnnnne
i dont care what the everyone says
christmas is awesome and cooooool
i dont care if you think its a lie
christmas and santa ruuuuuuule
i dont care what the calendar reads,
i dont care what day it IS
i wish it was christmas today
i wish it was everydaaaaaaay Back to top
I know what you want
I know what you need
But I�m gonna screw it up, yeah
Cause I�m an idiot and I�m your boyfriend, yes I am
I�m gonna take you out
Leave my wallet home
Then I�ll use your cell phone
Baby, long distance,
And I�m your boyfriend.
Baby I know I�m Man whose made mistakes
I�ve still got some learning to do...
I made out with your best friend, the other day
And now we�re best friends too!!!
Yea-ah!!
And I know what you want
And I know what you need,
But I�m gonna screw it up, yeah
Cause I�m an idiot and I�m your boyfriend, yes I am
And I�m gonna get you a gift, heh
But it�s something I like to
Hope you like this Norelco Beard trimmer
With my name on it,
And I�m your boyfriend
beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh Yeah!!
da, da, da, da,da ,da ,da ,da , da,
yeah da da da da da da da,
I�m gonna get real drunk and call my baby up
at four o clock in the morning!!!
Wake you up
I�m an idiot,
Pick up the phone
Come on.
Let�s get in my Dad�s SUV
We�ll go over to my house, my crib, my pad.
I�ll tell my mom to go to sleep.
That way we�ll have the living room all to ourselves, you see.
Put on some great DVD�s I picked up
How �bout like, something like The Matrix?
I can turn my boom box up,
And make the basssmack the side of my momma�s couch.
Yeah!
Hey Baby you like fine cooking?
Cause you know what?
I got a Swanson�s dinner
In the freezer, with your name on it.
Check it out
Yeah.
I�ve got a permanent Wave, yeah
I�ve got an Ogilve home perm, baby
Uh! I honk the horn
Can you honk the horn?
Can you honk the horn?
Let me hear ya honk it!
Come on!
Let me hear ya say: uh uh! yeah
Lemme hear ya say: uh uh uh!... yeah
Let me hear ya say, uh! uh!
Lemme hear ya say: Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh uh oh yeah!!!
Lemme hear ya say: Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh uh oh yeah!!!
Back to top
*****************************************
Drinking in the Woods I don't wanna, do we have to
I don't wanna, do we have to
Don't wanna go down and drink in the woods
We could get some Mad Dog and hang out in my garage
I got a ping pong table
I don't wanna, do we have to
I don't wanna, do we have to
Don't wanna drink in the woods, it sucks
Sit with twenty dudes in a pick up truck and we're gone
I got my thermals on
Gatorade bottle filled with warm Smirnoff
Too close to the fire, burned my eyebrows off
I puke by a tree, pee in the grass
And you get poison ivy all over your ass
You're in the woods
Don't wanna drink in the woods tonight
The last time I did I got into a fight with some guy
Who graduated three years ago
I paid five bucks for a plastic cup
Foam was spittin out and it won't fill up
So I pump that tap with my best friend
And he flipped me over for a keg stand
I'm drinkin in the woods
I'm drunk, tree trunk
I'm drunk, tree trunk
Back to top
Road rage
My knuckles are white and my face is bright red.
Road rage.
Doin 65 on a souped up moped, road rage.
Is that you who gave me the finger? Road rage!
How come you won�t turn off your blinker?
You shouldn�t drive like that, I got a baseball bat!
You�re gonna get it.
You�re gonna get it!
Roll down your window and see:
There�s a psycho in your rear view mirror, it�s me.
Road rage. If honking my horn don�t get your attention, road rage!
I�ll stick my fist up your ass like my name was Jim Henson!
My blood is boiling, your car�s anoying, I�m gonna getcha!
I�m gonna getcha!!
Don�t flash your high beams at me, you wouldn�t like it when I�m angry, you see.
I got the road rage.
Bah, b-b-ba, ba-b-bah, bah-bah-b-bah-bah, ahhhhhh!!
What�s that?
I�ll step on my gas and pass your ass,
Gonna check you out while you do your hair!
You�re driving around like you just don�t care,
I got the Road ray-e-ay-e-ay-e-ay-e-ay-e-ay-e-ay!
So Chill! Get off my grill!
You drive too fast!
I�ll make you CRASH!!
Yo! Are you ready for some air ball throwin�, free throw blowin�, no look where I�m goin�, free style flowin�?
You are in my house baby!
It�s top of lime and I�m off the tip
Walkin� to the bench and I sit.
Bite my lip, bustin out rhymes
Standin� in line �cause it�s garbage time.
�Cause I�m calm, I�m cool and I collected.
18 shots, that got rejected.
I�m not Cory Feldman, I�m not Cory Haim
I got a license to drive, but I ain�t got game!
Jimmy, What�d you say?
You can�t play
Basketball.
Jimmy, What�d you say? (I double dribble, I travel to the middle)
You can�t play (oh my bad.)
Basketball. (you�re not on my team?)
Wear my socks high, cuz it makes me feel cool.
Don�t know how to dribble, but I know how to drool
People always say,
That I�m a basketball fool
I get a little tiny hoop, cold "flowling" in my pool
Played my friend�s do in a 20 dollar bet.
I took him to the hold I took him to the vet
Shoot from the three every chance I get
I call it in the air, Nothing but NOTHIN�!
Jimmy, What�d you say?
You can�t play
Basketball.
Jimmy, (I can�t play I can�t play)
What�d you say? ( I can�t play, I can�t play,)
You can�t play (I can�t play I can�t play)
Basketball. (basketball, ya�ll!)
Okay, here�s my chance, the open lane, don�t get nervous
Don�t sweat everyone�s watchin�
You can do it man
I mean just dribble up
Don�t double dribble
Just dribble normal.
Don�t show everyone that you can dribble super fast between your legs like you do in your driveway
No this is in front of people on the court.
I�m gonna go up in the air
I�m gonna dunk it as hard as I can
Cuz usually I�m on the other end, people dunking on me!
I�m used to some 7 foot dude�s "thingy" getting smacked in my face
I still go the bruise to prove it,
but I ain�t gonna take that nickname "Dick bruise-face" lyin down. My name ain�t Dick bruise-face!
Well listen up ya�ll
You know I�m not tall!
My name was never written on the bathroom wall!
I�m gonna say what�s up, I�m gonna fake the pump!
Cuz I�m a moving pick, I�m gonna shoot some bricks!
So I huff and puff I say enough z�nuf!
I�d rather watch ahmad rashad on the inside stuff
Jimmy, (I can�t play I can�t play)
What�d you say? ( I can�t play, I can�t play,)
You can�t play (I can�t play I can�t play)
Basketball. (basketball, ya�ll!)
Jimmy, (I can�t play I can�t play)
What�d you say? ( I can�t play, I can�t play,)
You can�t play (I can�t play I can�t play) (don�t you pass me the rock cuz I slap)
Basketball. (basketball, ya�ll!)
Jimmy, (I can�t play I can�t play)
What�d you say? ( I can�t play, I can�t play,)
You can�t play (I can�t play I can�t play)
Basketball.
Jimmy, (I throw air balls, I throw air balls)
What�d you say? (say air ball, say air ball!)
You can�t play (go air ball, go air ball) go air ball
Basketball. (ballll)
Back to top
To the tune of "Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer
There's a rabbi
With a shellelagh
There's a McCormack named DeShawnn
There's an indian dude
Playing bagpipes
There's a chinese leprachaun
Nobody's here from ireland
Nobody's here from ireland
That's for sure
Nobody's here from ireland
Nobody's here from ireland
To the tune of "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera
St. Patrick's Day,
I think it's wonderful.
The day is here,
for Guinness beer.
Guinness beer,
you're mysterious.
I pour you out,
then wait an hour.
You are beautiful,
I drank a case today,
now I weigh 300 pounds,
so won't you drink one down,
won't you drink one down today?
To the tune of "Clocks" by Coldplay
Bagpipes start to play
you can march unless you're gay,
singing, many different shades of green,
don't mess with an angry queen. Singing,
let them march and you will know,
gay guys make better floats, singing,
cool floats!
Cool floats!
To the tune of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem
Look.
If you only had one shot
after six pints of Amstel
three Budweisers and two beers I never heard of - microbrews.
plus one Seagrams wine cooler you stole out of some girl's backpack.
And then ate everything you saw at the parade, could you digest it?
Or lose control of your bodily functions?
Yo, my palms are sweaty.
Corn beef, can't stand steady,
there's vomit on my sweater already,
green confetti.
I'm burping,
but on purpose
I keep on forgetting
to throw up.
I don't think my brain will let me
hold it down.
Now I'm bendin' over now
it won't come out.
Time's up, over, bla-ow!
And back comes the cabbage
oh, there goes shamrocks.
Oh Subway sandwich,
I hope
there's no cameras,
I hope
my weak bladder can hold,
??
oh my jeans,
it don't matter,
I'll clean it next Saturday.
Puke yourself in the bathroom
the morning
the warning
You're gonna have to let it go.
I only did one shot
and now I'm spitting Yaeger, gross,
it's St. Paddy's Day,
come on raise your glass and toast!
Puke yourself in the bathroom
the morning
the warning
You're gonna have to let it go.
I only did one shot
and now I'm spitting Yaeger, gross,
it's St. Patty's Day,
come on raise your glass and toast!
