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Author: Cariann |
Joey ran as fast as she could to the dock. After she had abruptly left the wedding right after talking to Dawson, her first stop had been her house to change. She immediately went to Doug's after that only to discover that Pacey had decided to leave early. She was now on the last leg of her desperate sprint through Capeside. She didn't know what she was going to say to Pacey, but she had to talk to him before he left.
Joey sped up as she approached the dock where Pacey kept his boat True Love. Joey turned the last corner quickly, and came to dead stop as the dock came into view. She let out a choked gasp at what she saw, or rather what she didn't see, which was Pacey's boat. Joey took a few hesitant, uneasy steps towards the dock in shock at the reality that Pacey was gone. Unknown to her, tears started streaming down her face.
Joey stood paralyzed staring at the empty dock. She didn't know what to do now. She stared out at the sea, and hope ran through her as she thought she saw the outline of a boat in the distance. Joey ran to the end of the dock. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes from the setting sun, and looked out into the distance. She definitely could see the faint outline of a boat, and her heart swelled, as she knew instinctively that it was Pacey's boat.
"Pacey," she screamed.
She screamed his name again as loud as she could hoping he would hear her, and turn back. As the boat got further, and further away Joey's screams became more hysterical. When the boat disappeared from her sight she collapsed onto the dock sobbing. She repeated his name over, and over as her body shock from her tears.
"Joey, " Doug said softly from behind her.
Joey didn't answer, and she just continued to cry, and repeat Pacey's name over, and over. Finally, Doug placed his hand on her shoulder, and kneeled next to her. Joey jerked away from his touch as the reality of the whole situation hit her. She loved Pacey, and didn't tell him. Now he was gone for three months. For three months Pacey was going to think she didn't love him, and was with Dawson.
"Joey he's gone," Doug said gently.
"And it's my fault. It's all my fault," Joey cried as guilt washed over her.
"It's no one person's fault," Doug told her.
"It's mine. I wouldn't ask him to stay. I was too scared to ask him to stay."
"You're being too hard on yourself."
"Am I," Joey shouted. She then laughed harshly. "After everything he's done for me, after the way I treated him. I didn't even have the courage to tell him how I feel."
"How do you feel?" Doug asked.
Joey looked up at Doug. Her eyes were red, and puffy from crying, and unshed tears glistened in her eyes. The anguish, and sadness in them was enough to supply Doug with an answer.
"When he calls I'll ask him to come home," Doug offered.
"No," Joey said firmly.
"Why not?" Doug asked in surprise.
"Because after everything, I don't deserve another chance."
"Everyone deserves a second chance Joey, including you, and especially Pacey."
"I've had more than enough chances to break his heart. I don't think either of us could survive anymore heartache."
"Who says there has to be heartache?"
"I just can't do this now," Joey choked out as the tears started pouring out again.
She jumped up, and ran away from Doug, from the dock, from the place she had lost Pacey. She ran the whole way home forcing herself not to think about Pacey. She reached her house out of breath, and leaned against the porch railing trying to slow her breathing.
"Joey," Bessie called from the door.
Joey looked up at her sister, and Bessie gasped at her appearance. Her face was streaked with dried up tears. Her eyes were swollen, and reflected a deep pain.
"Jo, what happened," Bessie asked as she came down to stand by her sister.
"Pacey left, and I was too late to stop him," Joey replied with a cruel laugh.
"Oh Jo," Bessie sighed, and moved to put her arms around Joey, but Joey moved from her.
"Don't. Please don't. I screwed up. I screwed up royally, and now I'm all alone. Like I deserve to be."
"Jo, that's not true," Bessie argued.
"Yes it is. Look how much I've hurt Pacey, and Dawson. Right now Dawson is probably lying on his bed thinking I'm the worst friend ever, and Pacey. Well, he's probably sitting on his boat thinking I don't love him."
"Joey, don't torture yourself."
"Why not? I deserve it. I destroyed two people's lives. Two people I love. If I'm not the biggest witch in the world, I'm sure I hold the crown for Capeside."
Bessie didn't know what to say. Joey was obviously in pain, and hating herself. Bessie knew there was nothing she could say to change that.
Part 2
Joey sat out on her dock with her feet dangling over the edge. She stared out at the creek a deep sorrow filling her heart. It had been two days since Pacey left. Two days since she had spoken to Dawson. Two days of sitting around thinking about the best friend she lost, and the love she let go.
�Is this spot taken,� Jen asked coming up behind her.
Joey looked up at the girl she used to loathe, and smiled weakly. Jen took this as an invitation, and sat next to Joey.
�It�s been a tough couple of days, huh?� Jen remarked.
�Tough? That�s one way to say it. A more accurate way to put it would be complete, and utter agony.�
�I was trying to be optimistic,� Jen joked.
�Been hanging out with Dawson too much, huh?� Joey asked.
Jen didn�t answer, and Joey sighed. �How is he?�
�Devastated, heartbroken, miserable, sad. I could go on.� Jen answered.
�It�s not necessary.�
�How are you?� Jen asked genuinely concerned.
�About the same,� Joey replied.
�Anything I can do?� Jen asked.
�Pull out your turn back the clock machine, and zap us back to a time when things weren�t so complicated,� Joey suggested.
Jen laughed. She was happy to see that Joey hadn�t lost her sarcastic edge. Maybe there was hope yet. �How about I�ll just be your friend.�
�Well, if that�s all you have to offer,� Joey replied with a roll of her eyes.
Jen laughed again. �I can offer ice cream too. Want to come to my house and pig out on double chocolate mint cookie dough?�
Joey�s eyes drifted across the creek. She wanted to take Jen up on her offer, but Joey was afraid of going that close to Dawson�s house.
�Maybe another time,� Joey answered sadly.
�Right,� Jen replied knowing exactly why Joey didn�t want to come over.
�He doesn�t hate you, Joey.�
�But he hates Pacey. It�s so hard Jen. Knowing what I�ve done to Pacey. Knowing everything he�s lost for�� Joey paused before she said the word love. �For having these feelings for me,� Joey finished.
�Feelings? It�s more than feelings Joey. Pacey loves you.�
�I don�t know that,� Joey replied not wanting to let herself think that. If she admitted it, she�d feel even worse.
�Yes, you do, Joey. And when he comes back, he�ll still be in love with you.�
�Right. He�ll meet some curvaceous, exotic island chick, and forget all about me,� Joey replied.
�Right. Just like you�ll meet some rich, preppy tourist guy, and forget all about him.�
Joey looked away from Jen knowing she was right. �I don�t deserve him,� Joey finally admitted.
�Rarely do people ever deserve love, but that�s what makes it so great. You don�t think you deserve something this special, but the person who loves you thinks you do. And that is the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that someone thinks your special, and a worthwhile person even when you don�t think it.�
�Henry sure has turned you into a mushy romantic,� Joey laughed.
�Love does that to people, even the most cynical of us,� Jen said pointedly.
�Yeah,� Joey agreed as she looked off into the distance.
�He�ll come back to you, Joey.�
�I don�t know, so much has happened.�
�He will. I know he will,� Jen insisted.
�How can you be so sure?�
�Because he�s Pacey.�
Joey knew exactly what Jen meant, but she still had doubts. If Pacey thought she was with Dawson this summer it was all over, and three months of being alone to think about things might change his mind. He might realize just how much Joey had done to make his life miserable.
Part 3
Joey knocked hesitantly on Doug�s door. When the door opened, Joey was assaulted with the sounds of Celine Dion. Joey couldn�t help but smile as she remembered Pacey�s numerous cracks about his elder brother�s musical tastes.
�Hey Doug.�
�Joey. What do I owe this visit to?�
Joey took a deep breath before asking, �Have you heard from Pacey?�
Doug looked at her apprehensively. �Look Joey, I don�t think it�s a good idea��
Joey interrupted him, �Doug, I have to know.�
Doug could see the desperation, and pain in her eyes, and he relented against his better judgment. He had talked to Pacey this morning, and Pacey had made him promise not to tell Joey anything.
�This morning.�
�How is he?� Joey asked nervously.
�Rather upbeat considering,� Doug answered.
Joey�s face fell, and her insecurities rose inside of her. �That�s great�, she mumbled.
Joey turned to leave, but Doug called out to her. �Joey.� Joey turned around, and faced him, and tried to stop the tears threatening to fall. �He asked about you.�
�What did you say?� Joey asked nervously.
�That you weren�t with Dawson.�
�What did he say?� Joey asked not really wanting to know but not being able to stop herself.
�Nothing.� Doug replied.
�Oh,� Joey mumbled.
She turned around to leave again, but stopped. She didn�t turn around, but asked, �Will you tell him I miss him.�
�Sure.� Doug replied.
�Thanks Doug,� Joey said before leaving.
Doug watched her leave, and sighed. He hadn�t told her the complete truth. That Pacey�s answer to the revelation of her not being with Dawson was to just laugh. Doug also didn�t mention that Pacey had said he was over it, and didn�t want to hear another word about Joey Potter ever again.
Part 4
Andie walked down the aisle of the grocery store. She picked a box of cereal off the shelf, and added it to her already full cart. She was almost done, and anxious to get home and check her mail. Pacey had promised to write her over the summer, and Andie knew it was stupid to expect more than maybe one postcard, but she also couldn�t help hoping to hear from him. She wanted to know he was okay.
Andie pushed the cart down the rest of the aisle. She turned the corner, and ran straight into Joey. Joey stumbled slightly at the contact, and bent down to rub her bruised leg.
�Oh God Joey, I�m so sorry. Are you okay?�
Joey stood up cringing, but forced herself to smile, and replied, �Yeah.�
�I�m so sorry,� Andie repeated.
�Don�t worry about it. It was an accident,� Joey insisted.
Joey gave Andie another small smile before turning to leave. She didn�t want to talk to Andie right now, because she knew Andie would bring up Pacey, and that was one subject Joey didn�t want to talk about with her.
�Joey,� Andie called out to her. Joey froze, and slowly turned back around. �We�re all going to the movies tonight,� Andie said.
Joey looked at her blankly knowing what she was asking, but not believing it. �What?�
�Me, Jack, Jen, Dawson, we�re all going to the movies tonight, and I think everyone would be happy if you came too.�
�I doubt that,� Joey answered.
�Come on Joey. We�re all friends, and even though lately we�ve been anything but, we have to start somewhere.�
�I don�t think going to the movies is going to make everything magically okay.�
�No, but you have to start somewhere, right?�
�Andie,� Joey begged.
�It doesn�t feel right Joey. Not having you hang out with us. It�s not the same. We�re not really a group without you.�
�Well, I hate to be the bearer of reality, but even if I rejoined the happy little group of friends, there�s still someone missing.�
�Pacey,� Andie whispered.
�We�re never going to be that group again, Andie. It�s not possible. Too much has happened, and too much has changed.�
�Just think about it Joey. We�re going to the eight o�clock showing,� Andie pleaded not ready to give up.
�Andie,� Joey argued.
�Just think about it,� Andie insisted.
�Okay, but don�t count on it,� Joey submitted realizing that the girl wouldn�t go away unless she agreed to consider it.
�Okay Joey.�
Joey started to walk away when Andie called out to her again. �And Joey, if you ever want to talk, or just hang out, you can call me.�
Joey turned around, and smiled at the perky blonde. Joey had to give her points for persistence. Joey looked at Andie one last time before walking away.
Part 5
Pacey walked down the street of a quaint little seaside village. He never really realized just how many Capeside�s there were on the eastern seaboard. Pacey couldn�t help but wonder if each of them had their own little Joey. He shook his head in disgust. He had been gone for a week, and still thought about her almost every waking, and sleeping moment.
Doug had been right yet again. He couldn�t run away from her. She haunted him, and the solitude of his trip just made it worse. He was alone with his thoughts almost ninety nine percent of the time, and he couldn�t stop himself from thinking about her. As painful as it was, he just couldn�t help himself.
Pacey stopped at a payphone. He picked it up, and pushed in the numbers of his calling card. At the tone he dialed Doug�s number. Doug answered on the third ring, and Pacey could hear Barbara Streisand playing the background.
�Witter.�
Pacey forced a smile onto his face, and answered, �Dougie, how�s it going?�
�Just fine Pacey, how are you?�
�I�ve never had this much fun,� Pacey lied.
�Sure little brother, so where are you?�
�Some little town on the New York coast.�
�Pacey,� Doug started.
Pacey could here the tone of his voice, and knew he was going to try and convince him to come home. �Doug, I called to check in, not hear your brotherly advice, okay?�
�Pacey,� Doug started again.
�Doug, I don�t want to hear about it. I don�t want to hear about her, or what she�s doing.�
Doug sighed, but relented. �Okay, Pace. Take care.�
�I will, talk to you in a week.�
Pacey hung up the phone, and leaned against the wall. It took every ounce of his will power not to pick up the phone, and call Doug back to ask how Joey was. The last time he had talked to Doug, and heard she wasn�t with Dawson, he had been tempted to go home, but Pacey knew that just because she wasn�t with Dawson, it didn�t mean she wanted to be with him.
Pacey shoved himself off the wall, and walked into a nearby store. He picked up a few supplies before stopping at the selection of postcards. He picked a few out to send to the couple of friends he had left. When he paid for everything, Pacey walked back to his boat. This was going to be the longest summer of his life.
Part 6
Joey stood across the street from the Rialto debating on whether or not to go in. When she left the store after talking to Andie earlier, she was dead set against it, but as she thought about it more she started thinking maybe Andie was right. Things weren�t going to change, or get better unless Joey tried. And as much as she wanted to continue to wallow in her own misery, Joey knew that she owed it to herself, and to her friends to make an effort to repair the damage.
Joey watched as Dawson, and Jen approached the movie theatre. They were laughing as they waited in line for tickets. Joey instantly changed her mind. They were so happy without her. She didn�t want to walk over there and reopen old wounds. She didn�t want to make Dawson remember.
Joey turned around, and started walking away. She rounded the corner, and came face to face with Jack, and Andie.
�Joey,� Andie exclaimed.
�Hey Joey, how�s it going?� Jack asked surprised to see her.
�Good, I was just on my way home,� Joey explained, and started walking past them.
�Joey, come to the movies with us?� Andie begged.
�I can�t. I can�t walk over there, over to where Dawson is, and act like nothings happened, and if I don�t act like nothing�s happened then we�ll just spend the night rehashing the past, and I don�t want to do that.�
�Joey, you have to face him sometime,� Jack pointed out.
�Not now. Not when he�s out to have a good time.�
�I told him I asked you to come,� Andie admitted.
Joey looked at her in shock. �What?�
�I told him I asked you to come, and Joey he seemed to really want you to come.�
�Yeah right?� Joey exclaimed not believing her.
�It�s true Joey. He wants to be your friend again,� Jack added.
�It�s too soon,� Joey argued.
�It�s never too soon. If you wait to long, you might miss your chance,� Jack argued.
His words slammed into Joey reminding her that she waited too long to tell Pacey how she felt, and now he was gone. Jack linked his arm through hers, and guided her across the street. They reached the front of the theatre, and walked straight over to Dawson, and Jen.
When Jen saw Joey headed their way, she smiled. Dawson turned to see what Jen was smiling at, and his eyes locked on Joey. She looked so terrified, and sad at the same time. Her head was lowered, and Jack was half dragging her towards them.
�Hey guys, sorry we�re late, but we ran into an old friend on the way here,� Jack apologized, and nodded towards Joey.
�Hey Joey,� Jen offered.
Joey looked up, and gave Jen a half smile. �Hey Jen.� Joey paused before looking at Dawson. �Hey Dawson,� she mumbled looking down again.
�Hey Jo. I�m glad you could come,� he replied.
Joey�s head snapped up to look at him. Shock registered on her face, and when she saw the sincerity in his eyes she smiled.
�I�m glad I came too.�
The group fell into a silence, and Andie finally spoke up. �We should get our tickets before it sells out.�
�Sell out in Capeside. Not likely sis,� Jack joked.
�It could happen,� Andie argued. �Better to be safe then sorry.�
Jen rolled her eyes, and Dawson chuckled lightly. Jo smiled hesitantly as she followed them to the ticket window.
�Jo,� Dawson called out softly as he dropped back to walk next to her.
Joey silently groaned afraid of what Dawson was going to say. Joey forced herself to look up and smile at Dawson. �Yeah.�
�I really am glad you came,� he said sincerely.
Dawson looked at her one last time, his heart almost breaking, before walking to catch up with Jen. Joey stared after him completely baffled by his behavior, but at the same time pleased. She couldn�t help but think that maybe everything would be okay.
Part 7
Joey mumbled obscenities to herself as she bent over the toilet bowl, and scrubbed it furiously. So much for a great summer she thought bitterly. If it wasn�t bad enough that Pacey was gone, then the fact that she spent her days scrubbing toilets, making beds, mopping floors, washing dishes, and smiling at guests made it horrible.
Joey sighed as she leaned against the wall. She knew she was throwing herself into the B&B by choice. She was trying to not slip into a depression that hung over her about Pacey. The depression was bad enough, but top that off with the guilt, and Joey was absolutely completely miserable. The only bright spot of her summer was the possibility of patching up her friendships.
The trip to the movies last night was uncomfortable, but at the same time it was nice. Everyone seemed to be anxious to get past the bad blood of the past few months, and reform their past bond. The only down note was that the absence of Pacey weighed heavily on Joey, and she could tell it effected the rest of them as well.
Joey picked up the scrubbing brush again, and was about to start working on the toilet bowl again when the door opened. Joey looked up, and her eyes widened when Dawson walked in.
�Am I interrupting?� he asked nervously.
�No,� Joey replied with a smile. �I�m actually glad you�re here.�
�Really?� Dawson asked hopefully.
�Yup. Anyone who delays my appointment with the toilet bowl is not unwelcomed,� Joey joked. Dawson laughed lightly at her joke. �So what�s up Dawson?�
�I wanted to ask you if you were going to our Fourth of July party.�
Joey thought about it for a moment, and Dawson shifted nervously waiting for her answer.
�Sounds fun,� Joey replied with a smile.
�You really want to go?� Dawson asked with doubt.
Joey nodded. �Dawson I really want us to be friends.�
�So do I Jo.�
�Then I�ll see you on the fourth,� she replied.
�Right. I�m so glad your going to come.�
�Me too.�
�Well, I�ll let you get back to the toilet bowl.�
�Gee, thanks,� Joey replied with a roll of her eyes.
Dawson laughed again, and then exited the bathroom.
The smile fell from Joey�s lips as she sighed. She felt guilty. She felt guilty for talking to Dawson, and guilty for being happy about spending the fourth with him. She felt guilty that Pacey wouldn�t be there, and guilty for mending bridges that were still burned to Pacey because of her. She also felt guilty for thinking about Pacey when Dawson was there. Joey wondered if there would ever be a day when she didn�t feel guilty.
Part 8
Joey was standing off by herself watching the fireworks explode in the night sky. The day had been fun. The food was good, spending time with Jack, Andie, Jen, and Dawson had been fun, and now the night sky was lit up with colorful bursts of light. The day would have been perfect except for one thing. Something was missing. It was more like someone was missing.
Joey wondered what Pacey was doing right now. Was he staring up at the sky watching fireworks too, or was he sitting somewhere all alone, or even worse was he sitting somewhere not alone. Joey pushed those jealous thoughts out of her mind. She had no right to be jealous, because as far as Pacey knew she didn�t want anything to do with him, but the thoughts still hurt.
�It�s beautiful, isn�t it,� Dawson asked.
He had come up behind Joey, and was now standing so close to her, Joey could feel his breath on her neck. Joey nodded, and mumbled, �Yeah, it is.�
�This is always my favorite part of the fourth.�
�Mine too,� Joey replied.
�Joey,� Dawson began, and Joey turned around to face him.
Joey could sense that Dawson had something important to say, and Joey half dreaded hearing it. She didn�t want Dawson to ruin things by asking her for more, and she didn�t want him to ruin things by analyzing them too much.
�Dawson.�
�What you said the other day, about wanting us to be friends, well I want that too. Your friendship has always been the most important thing in my life, and I don�t want to lose it, especially not now.�
�I don�t want to lose it either.�
�Right, so I just wanted to say that what I said on the dock, about you and,� Dawson stopped. He took a deep breath and continued, �about you and him, well I meant it.�
�He�s gone Dawson.�
�I know, but it doesn�t change that you love him.�
�Dawson, can we not do this now,� Joey pleaded.
�I don�t want to talk about him. I want to talk about us.�
�Dawson,� Joey begged.
�Not us like that,� Dawson rushed knowing what she was thinking. �I mean our friendship. That day you said you wanted us to still be friends, and I couldn�t give you answer, because I didn�t know if I could knowing you loved him.�
�And now?� Joey asked.
�Now, I know that if we�re not friends, then Dawson Leary doesn�t exist as I know him.�
�Dawson.�
�Jo, it�s true. This year I was lost, and I found myself by realizing what you mean to me. I won�t deny that I love you, and want to be with you, but even more than that, I just need you in my life, and if all you can give me is friendship, then that�s fine.�
�I can give you that. I need you too Dawson.�
�Can I get a hug,� Dawson asked.
Joey smiled, and opened her arms to him. Dawson stepped into her embrace, and they hugged.
�Is this a private moment, or can anyone join in,� Jen asked with a smile.
Dawson pulled away, and grabbed Jen in a hug. She squealed, and they all laughed.
~~~
Pacey was lying on the deck of his boat watching the fireworks explode over the ocean. He was off the coast of North Carolina. He stared at the sky as sadness washed over him. He wondered what Joey was doing. He wondered if she was watching fireworks too. He wondered whom she was watching them with.
Pacey banged his head against his boat as images of Joey in Dawson�s arms flashed in his head. He knew Doug said they weren�t together, but that was a few weeks ago. Anything was possible now, especially with those two.
Pacey sat up, and reached into his cooler. He removed a beer, and popped it open. He took a long drink, and leaned against the railing. He knew he shouldn�t drink, but his depression over Joey had grown considerably the longer he was away. It was killing him, and he didn�t know what else to do. He contemplated throwing himself into the sea, but that was a little too drastic.
Pacey finished the beer quickly, and tossed the bottle to the side with the others. He was drunk, and he still couldn�t stop thinking about Joey. No matter what he did, reality found its way into his head. Joey didn�t want him.
Pacey stood up on shaky legs, and retreated into his boat. He collapsed onto his bed, and buried his head into his pillow. Sleep was really no comfort, because he just dreamed about her, but it was better than his conscious thoughts. At least when he was sleeping, he didn�t feel the pain.
Part 9
Joey, and Andie were sitting in Andie�s room searching the Internet for college application materials. It was early, but Andie insisted that the early bird caught the worm, and so Joey agreed to join Andie in her quest. Joey was actually getting into it, as the possibility of getting out of Capeside seemed more likely as she read over admission requirements for the schools of her choice.
�Now Harvard is my first choice obviously,� Andie said.
�Obviously,� Joey replied with a knowing smile.
�But I�d settle for Stanford, or Yale, or Columbia.�
�Would you settle for Princeton? Or is that too low?� Joey joked.
Andie smiled at Joey�s obvious ribbing. �Yes, Princeton would be all right. What about you? What�s your first choice?�
�I don�t know. Anywhere that�s not here,� Joey replied.
�Joey with your grades, and talent you could get in anywhere.�
�Maybe, but money as always is an issue.�
�Scholarship. You could get one.�
�I could, but I need a full one.�
�How about NYU,� Andie asked typing it in to the search engine. �It�s a great art school.�
�It is, but��
�But what?�
�Nothing. Let�s check it out.�
Andie smiled, and clicked on the NYU page. The girls were reading over the page when there was a knock on the door.
�Come in,� Andie called out.
Andie�s dad walked in, and smiled at the girls. �You have some mail.�
He handed Andie a postcard, and looked down at the screen. �NYU? Great school,� he commented.
�I�m trying to get Joey to apply there,� Andie replied looking at the postcard.
Andie�s eyes widen as she realized whom the postcard was from. She glanced at Joey. Joey looked over at her, and seeing the expression on her face, asked, �What?�
�Nothing,� Andie stammered.
Joey glanced at the postcard, and instantly knew. �It�s okay, Andie.�
Andie�s dad looked form one girl to the other, and confused, he retreated out of the room.
�I�m sorry Joey.�
�It�s okay, really.�
Andie set the postcard down, and turned back to the computer screen.
�What does it say?� Joey asked nervously. Joey knew she should let it go, but curiosity was killing her.
�Joey.�
�Andie, please,� Joey begged.
Andie sighed, but picked up the card. �Hey Mc Phee,� she started. �Staying out of trouble I hope. Well, I�m having the time of my life. Being out on the open sea all day is amazing. This trip is the best thing I�ve ever done, you excluded of course. Take care, and tell Jackers I said hi. Love Pacey.�
Andie finished reading the card, and set it down. She looked up at Joey. Joey had a look of stunned sadness on her face.
�I�m sure he�s just saying that to make me not worry,� Andie offered.
�Or he�s really having the time of his life.�
�Joey.�
�Forget it. I wanted to hear it, and now I have, so let�s just forget it. So NYU.�
Part 10
Joey rowed her boat across the creek. It felt strange because Joey believed this was the first time she had ever rowed across the creek without the intention of going to Dawson�s house. She was headed to Jen�s.
Joey stepped out of her boat, and tied it to the dock. She walked towards Jen�s house, but her eyes automatically drifted to Dawson�s. She smiled to herself when she saw her ladder still there. Though they had been repairing their friendship for the past few weeks, Joey had not been to this side of the creek since the day of the wedding, the day Pacey left.
Sadness instantly washed over Joey as her thoughts went away from Dawson, and to Pacey. With everything with Dawson going well, Pacey was her only regret. She regretted never telling him how she felt. She regretted letting him leave, and everything she put him through.
Joey climbed the steps to Jen�s house, and knocked on the door. Grams opened the door, and smiled at her. �Hello.�
�Hi Mrs. Ryan, is Jen here?�
�She�s upstairs. Go on up.�
Joey gave her a little smile before heading inside, and up the stairs. She knocked on Jen�s door.
�Come in,� Jen called out from behind the door.
Joey opened the door, and walked in. Jen was lying on her bed reading a magazine, but she sat up slightly shocked when she saw Joey.
�Hey Joey.�
�Hey Jen.�
�So what�s up?�
�I was wondering if we could you know talk, or something.�
�Yeah, of course. What�s on your mind?� Jen asked motioning for Joey to sit on the bed.
Joey sat down, and looked nervously around the room. �I don�t know. I was just thinking.� Joey�s voice trailed off, as she didn�t know what to say. She had gotten closer to Jen, but it was still strange talking to her about stuff.
�About Pacey?�
Joey nodded, and continued, �It�s just I was at Andie�s earlier, and she got a postcard from him, and he said he was having the best time of his life.�
�Pacey has always been that way,� Jen said with a laugh.
�What way?�
�Thinking of other people�s feelings before his own.�
�You think he�s not having fun?�
�I think he didn�t want Andie to worry.�
�Oh.� Joey thought about it for a minute. �Why would you say that?�
�Because I got a letter from him yesterday,� Jen answered.
�What did it say?� Joey asked hope swelling inside of her.
�He asked me not to tell you, and Joey I have to honor that request.�
�Right. Is he okay though? Can you just tell me that?�
�He�s doing okay. He should be in the Keys by now.�
�That�s great,� Joey mumbled. They fell into silence, and Jen knew Joey wanted to say something else, so she waited. �I miss him Jen. I really miss him. I know that�s selfish, and I have no right after the way I treated him, but I can�t help it.�
�Joey, it�s okay to miss him. You need to stop beating yourself up over it. You made a mistake, and right now you�re suffering the consequences of it, but Pacey will come back, and when he does you�ll have a chance to make things right.�
�I don�t know if after everything I can, or even if he�ll want to speak to me.�
�Joey, he�ll want to speak to you, and he�ll forgive you.�
�How can you be so sure?� Joey questioned.
�He�s Pacey. Joey it�s been over a month since he left. You need to stop fixating on what you did wrong, and start thinking about what you can do to make it better.�
�I don�t know if there is anything,� Joey cried.
�You�ll never know unless you try.�
Joey let Jen�s words sink in. She knew Jen was right, but she still couldn�t help fearing that nothing she did would ever make things right between her, and Pacey again.
Part 11
Pacey stared down at the piece of paper in front of him. He had been staring at the same piece of paper for the past hour with the words Dear Joey staring back at him.
Pacey didn�t know what had possessed him to try to write a letter to Joey. He had gone for most of the summer telling himself he just had to forget about her, but something made him get up this morning and pull out a piece of paper. The only problem was he didn�t know what to say.
Pacey closed his eyes, and thought back to the dance they shared at the prom. It was the last time Joey had let him touch her, and Pacey remembered every second of it. It was such a vivid memory he could almost feel her skin beneath his hands, and her breath on his neck. For that one moment Pacey had though that Joey loved him, but it was only for a moment, because it was soon obvious whom she really loved.
Pacey opened his eyes with a groan. He wished that when he closed his eyes, and thought of that dance that he could imagine another ending, but no matter how hard he tried it always ended the same. Pacey picked up his pen, and began writing.
~~~
Joey looked at her watch again. It was a quarter past seven, and Jen was late. Joey sighed. She didn�t really feel like going out tonight, but she had already promised Jen she would. Plus she knew if she tried to back out now, Jen would just give her the �Pacey lecture� again.
Joey chuckled to her self at the thought. In the past two months Joey had lost count of how many times Jen had given her the �Pacey lecture.�
�Joey, you have to stop blaming yourself for Pacey leaving. Yes, you made a mistake, but there�s nothing you can do about it now, so sitting around and beating yourself up over it is not going to help matters,� Jen�s voice echoed in Joey�s head.
Joey knew that Jen was right, and that until Pacey came back there was nothing Joey could do. Joey just wished this last month would hurry up and be over with, so that Pacey would return. Joey still wasn�t convinced that she could fix the mess she made, but she also knew that she was going to try her damn hardest.
Joey looked at her watch again, and sighed. She could hardly wait twenty minutes for Jen. Joey had no idea how she was going to survive another month waiting for Pacey.
Part 12
9:16 am
Joey walked down to the docks. She had made this walk a couple of times everyday for the past two weeks. Every time she hoped she would see Pacey�s boat at the dock signaling that he was back, but everyday so far she had been disappointed. She was counting on having better luck today, since school started tomorrow, and Pacey had to return for school, didn�t he?
The three months he had been gone had been torture for Joey. She had thought about him everyday, and bugged Doug constantly for information. On some occasions, Doug would tell her where Pacey was, but not much else. Joey had been pressuring Doug for weeks now to tell her when Pacey would be returning, but Doug kept telling her he didn�t know.
Joey picked up her pace as the docks came into view, and instantly her heart sunk. His boat was not there. Joey didn�t turn around like she normally did. Instead she walked to the end of the dock where Pacey kept his boat, and sat down. It was nine o �clock in the morning, and Joey was going to sit there, and wait for Pacey to return. She didn�t care if she had to wait all day.
~~~
10:43 am
Joey stared out at the blue water as the late summer sun beat down on her. She wasn�t sure what she was going to say to Pacey when she saw him. She had thought about it all summer, but nothing she thought of seemed right. She couldn�t just say sorry after everything that had happened. She couldn�t just blurt out I love you either. How was your trip sounded too lame, and I�m glad your back seemed to be a gross understatement.
Joey picked at the wood of the dock as she thought about it. She had so much to say to Pacey, but in all honesty the only thing she really wanted to do was throw her arms around him, and kiss him. His kisses had haunted her all summer. Late at night, when she would lie in bed alone, if she concentrated hard enough she could almost feel his lips on hers.
~~~
11:19 am
Joey pulled her knees up to her chin. She had been waiting for two hours, and while she was determined not to move, nature told her other wise. Joey stood up, and headed to the nearest restroom.
When she returned she resumed her position at the end of the dock. She looked at her watch, and sighed. She should have brought a book.
~~~
12:09 pm
The sun was directly overhead, and the heat was making Joey start to sweat. Too cool off, Joey took off her t-shirt revealing a bikini top. She contemplated jumping into the water to cool her self down, but thought better of it.
Instead, she laid back on the dock, and closed her eyes. The first thing she saw was Pacey�s face smiling back at her. All summer long his face haunted her every time she closed her eyes, but today, the day he was coming home, it sent a giddy excitement racing through Joey, because she knew that today she would actually see his face. It wouldn�t be a memory today, but a reality.
~~~
1:32 pm
Joey picked at her already short nails. Her stomach rumbled, and Joey groaned. If she had thought this through better, she would have brought not only some entertainment, but also a lunch. Instead she was sitting out in the sweltering sun, starving, bored out of her mind, but she refused to move. She didn�t want to miss Pacey�s homecoming.
~~~
2:02 pm
Joey heard the footsteps on the dock, and looked behind her. She smiled when she saw Jen headed her way carrying a large bag.
�Hey, I thought you might be hungry,� Jen called out making her way towards Joey.
�Starved,� Joey replied with an appreciative smile. �How�d you know I was here?�
�Well, I stopped by the B&B and Bessie said you never came back from your morning pilgrimage to the docks, so I figured you were either here waiting for Pacey, or off getting reacquainted with Pacey. Either way my answer was at the dock.�
Jen opened the bag, and pulled out two sandwiches, a banana, and an apple, two fruit drinks, and a bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies.
�Thanks Jen,� Joey offered before grabbing one of the sandwiches.
�No problem.�
The girls ate lunch in a comfortable silence. When the food was gone, Jen stood up. �I should leave you alone,� Jen said as she gathered the trash.
�Can you stay a minute? It�s rather lonely sitting out at the edge of a dock. Not to mention I�m tying myself in knots worrying about what is going to happen when he shows up.�
Jen sat back down, and Joey continued, �I�m scared he�s going to get off his boat, and walk right past me like I wasn�t here, or that he�s going to say he hates me, and never wants to see me again.�
�It could happen,� Jen replied realistically. �Of course he could get off his boat, and be happy to see you.�
�Okay, you�re channeling Dawson again,� Joey groaned.
�Maybe, but it could happen. You just have to wait and see. There really is no point in making yourself sick over it.�
�I hate the waiting.�
�You�ve waited three months, Joey. What�s a couple of more hours?�
�Cruel and unusual punishment.�
Jen laughed, and stood up. �I wish I could stay, and wait with you, but Henry is impatiently waiting for my return,� Jen apologized.
�A whole summer to make up for,� Joey replied wishfully.
Part 13
3:33
Joey was lying on her stomach at the edge of the dock. Her arms hung over the end, and her fingers brushed across the surface of the water creating little ripples. Water was such a big part of her life living on the creek. She hardly noticed it anymore, but now it seemed so important. The same water that always brought her to Dawson, was now going to bring Pacey back to her. At least that was what she hoped.
Joey looked up, and her breath caught in her throat. In the distance she could make out the outline of a sailboat. It was too far away to know if it was Pacey, or not. Joey jumped to her feet, and raised her hand to shield the sun as she tried to make the boat out.
As she stared at the boat a feeling of disappointment passed over her, because even though she still couldn�t make out the boat she instinctively knew it wasn�t Pacey�s.
Not wanting to give up hope, Joey continued to stare out at the boat. As it got closer, her fears were realized as the boat was definitely not Pacey�s. Joey dropped back down to the dock, and rested her head on her knees.
~~~
4:27
Joey stared at the boat that was a few docks over. A couple was milling around, loading stuff onto the boat. They obviously were preparing for a romantic sail at sunset. Joey felt a wave of loneliness wash over her.
She had imagined such a trip with Pacey many times. They would sail out away from shore, and anchor in the middle of the ocean with no one in sight. They would eat a romantic dinner, and talk. They would watch the sun as it disappeared into the sea, and kiss as the stars began to appear overhead.
Joey laughed to her self as she realized she had become quite a hopeless romantic when it came to her Pacey fantasies. Of course some of her fantasies weren�t exactly romantic, and just the thought of them made Joey blush.
~~~
5:15
Joey nibbled on one of the cookies Jen had left. It was getting close to dinnertime, and Joey was hungry again. She also knew that it would be getting dark soon, but Joey didn�t want to leave. She didn�t want to miss Pacey. The thought entered her mind that maybe he wasn�t coming back, but she pushed it away. He had to come back.
Joey brushed the crumbs off her legs, and sighed. The fact that Pacey may not be coming today was in her mind, and now she couldn�t get rid of it. A lone tear slid down her face as she thought about just leaving, but her stubbornness kicked in. She had said she would stay till he showed up, and that was exactly what she was going to do.
~~~
6:47
Joey wrapped her arms around herself. The breeze from the water was making her shiver, and Joey wasn�t sure how much longer she could stay without retrieving a jacket. Even her stubborn determination, was no match for the biting chill that blew off the water.
Joey felt the warm material on her shoulder, and she twisted around in surprise. When she saw Dawson standing over her, his hands hidden behind his back, her surprise turned into shocked disbelief.
�Dawson?�
�I saw you out here earlier, and when I called your house, Bessie said you weren�t home yet. I figured you were still here, and it was getting cold,� Dawson explained.
Joey pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders, and smiled up at Dawson. �Thank you.�
�Your welcome. I also figured you�d be hungry, so.� Dawson brought his hands out from behind his back revealing a take out box from Leary�s Fresh Fish. �I brought you dinner. Compliments of Mitch, and Gale Leery.�
�Dawson, you didn�t have to.�
�I know. I wanted to.�
Dawson handed her the box, and she accepted it with a smile.
�Where�s yours?� Joey asked.
�I already ate. Plus, I don�t think my presence here is the best thing.�
�Dawson, I,� Joey began.
�It�s okay, Joey. I won�t lie. It hurts. It hurts a lot, and I know I promised to try to repair my friendship with Pacey, but right now is not the time. I�m not ready. But Jo, I meant it when I said I want us to be friends, and that I want you to be happy. If Pacey makes you happy, so be it. But you have to cut me some slack sometimes. I can�t be the perfectly accepting ex boyfriend.�
�I know Dawson.�
�But I promised to try, and I will.�
�Thank you,� Joey whispered as tears sprang to her eyes.
�No crying Joey, please.�
�Sorry,� Joey apologized wiping her eyes.
�I�ll see ya at school tomorrow,� Dawson said turning away.
�Bye Dawson.�
Dawson walked away, and Joey let her few last tears fall.
~~~
8:17
Joey stared up at the stares. Somewhere nearby, she thought that maybe Pacey was looking at the same stars, and thinking about her. All summer long, Joey had held onto the thought that no matter how far away Pacey was they shared the same stars. She would look up at the sky every night, and hope that Pacey was doing the same. She felt connected to him at those moments, and it just reinforced her hopes that he was staring at the same sky thinking about her.
Joey found the North Star, the star that brought people home, and she made a wish. She wished that it would bring Pacey home to her.
~~~
9:07
Joey huddled in the blanket Dawson brought her, but even the blanket couldn�t keep the cold out anymore. Joey looked at her watch, and sighed. She had started losing hope, but now it looked like any hope was gone. Pacey wasn�t coming back.
Joey stood up, and walked to the end of the dock. The moonlight was shining off the water, and Joey couldn�t help romanticizing about Pacey returning to her at that moment, and kissing her. Her fantasies were all that seemed to be left.
�Joey,� Jack called out.
Joey turned to see him walking towards her carrying two cups. �Hey Jack, I guess you heard about my stupid plan too.�
Jack handed her one of the cups, and the hot liquid inside instantly warmed her hands. �It�s not stupid.�
�Thanks,� Joey replied as she sipped the hot coffee. The coffee slid down her throat, and warmed her from the inside. �I really needed that.�
�I figured as much.�
They fell into silence as they both stared out into the empty distance. Finally, Joey said, �He�s not coming back.�
�He�ll come back. Just maybe not tonight.�
�I�m afraid that as soon as I leave he�ll be here, and I�ll miss him. I wanted him to know that I waited for him.�
�Then don�t give up hope.�
Joey smiled at Jack, and took another sip of the coffee. Jack took her hand, and gave it a squeeze. �I�m sorry. I have to get going.�
�It�s okay. Thanks Jack,� Joey replied squeezing his hand back.
Jack walked away, and Joey returned to her vigil. She silently prayed that Pacey would indeed come home to her.
~~~
10:13
Joey paced around the dock. She was trying to keep warm, and awake. Her long sit in at the dock all day had warn her out. She stopped when she saw an approaching figure. She wondered who it was, considering all her friends, minus Andie had already come. The figure was too big to be Andie, or her sister.
As the figure got closer, Joey recognized Doug. Dread filled Joey, as she immediately thought it was bad news.
�Hey Joey,� Doug called out.
�Doug, what�s wrong?� she asked in a panic.
�Nothing, but I just received a call from Pacey. He�s a few towns over, and won�t be returning until the morning. I just thought you�d like to know, so you can go home.�
Joey�s heart sank, and she mumbled, �Thank you.�
Joey started to walk away, when Doug called out to her, �Joey.�
Joey turned around, and faced him. Her tears threatened to spill over again. �Yeah.�
�He still loves you.�
�Did he say that?� she asked.
�Not in so many words,� Doug started.
Joey cut him off. �It�s only three.�
Joey ran away before Doug could say anymore.
~~~
Pacey stared up at the star filled night sky. His boat gently rocked in the water, and Pacey�s mind instantly drifted to Joey. Staring up at the stars had been a nightly activity on his trip. Every night he stared up at them, and pictured Joey doing the same. He thought that if they were both looking at the same stars, and thinking about each other, they would be connected, and sometimes Pacey felt it. He shrugged it off, as his own romantic fantasy, but it still felt nice to think about it.
Pacey knew that tomorrow he would see Joey for the first time in three months. He had thought about this day all summer. He thought about it with dread. Doug had stopped trying to tell him things about Joey in their phone conversations, so Pacey had no idea what she had been doing for the past two months. A lot changes in two months, and Joey may have forgotten all about him.
Pacey knew that three months had not lessened his love for her. If anything it had grown, and that made him dread tomorrow even more. His dread had kept him at sea for the past few days. He could have made it back to Capeside a week ago, but instead he chose to stay at a port a few miles from Capeside. He didn�t want to have to give up his fantasies until he absolutely had to.
His fantasies included her throwing her arms around him, and telling him she loved him, and only him. They included a hell of a lot of kissing, and a lot more than kissing most of the time. They were nice fantasies that kept him going all summer, but in the end he feared it would go nothing like that.
He didn�t know how it would go, but he figured she would either refuse to talk to him, or yell at him, or beat the crap out of him. Pacey also feared that she was with Dawson now. That was his greatest fear, and he wasn�t sure if he could deal with it, but he couldn�t run away anymore. School started tomorrow. Tomorrow he had to face them all.
Part 14
Joey rolled over in her bed. She opened one eye slowly, and groaned when she saw the flashing numbers on her alarm clock. They read 5:23. Joey closed her eyes again, and tried to fall back asleep. The sun wasn�t even up yet, and she had barely fallen asleep as it was. She had spent most of the night lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about Pacey.
A nervous flutter started in Joey�s stomach, and she felt like she was going to throw up. She tried to contract her stomach muscles to make it stop, but the nervousness just consumed her as her stomach tightened. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and she slowly made her way to the bathroom.
She stepped into the bathroom, and walked to the mirror. She stared at her reflection. Dark circles were obvious under her eyes. She looked like hell. Joey chewed on her lip nervously as she stared at her reflection. She rested her hand on her stomach as it continued to churn. She hoped she didn�t throw up. She was almost trying to will herself not to throw up.
Joey hated this. She hated being so damn emotional, and out of control. She almost hated Pacey for doing this to her. Why didn�t he just come home yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that? It was obvious to her that he didn�t want to see her, and that�s why he stayed away for as long as possible. She wouldn�t even be surprised if he didn�t show up at school today. Right now Joey didn�t even know if he would ever come back, because it was just like Pacey to do this. She hated him for it. She hated herself.
Joey looked away from the mirror hating the sight of herself. She walked back to her room, and grabbed a blanket. She wrapped it around her shoulders, and headed for the porch. She sat on the porch with the blanket wrapped around her waiting for the sun to rise. She had decided last night not to go to the docks again. It was clear Pacey did not want to see her, so she wasn�t going to push it. She couldn�t take that much pain, and disappointment again. She was so scared she would not get the second chance she craved. The second chance she needed to tell him she loved him.
The sun began to rise casting a soft golden glow on the creek. The day was finally here.
~~~
Pacey sat on the deck of True Love, and watched the sun rise. It was the last time he would be able to do so like this. Today real life started again. He would have to face everyone, and he had yet to figure out what he would say to any of his friends, or ex friends as they may be.
Pacey watched the water ripple against the side of his boat as the rising sun glimmered off the water. He would miss the simple things like this. As much as it hurt him to not be with Joey he�d rather be alone in his own misery than to be near her, and not be able to have her. She was right he ran away, because his heart just couldn�t take it. His heart couldn�t take seeing her, and knowing she didn�t love him as much as she loved Dawson if she even loved him at all.
Pacey knew he had no right to feel this way. Dawson had been there first, but she had given him hope, and then took it all away. The thing he regretted most about last year was opening his heart up to her, and kissing her that morning. If he had just let it go on as it had. If he had just let himself love her silently. That pain was more tolerable than the pain he had had the day he left Capeside, and was sure to be far better than the pain he knew he would suffer upon his return.
Pacey stood up as the night was all but banished from the sky. It was time to sail home. This was perhaps the hardest thing he ever had to do. He didn�t know what he was returning to, or how things had changed though he knew they inevitably had.
Pacey pulled up his anchor as he prepared to start the short journey to Capeside. No preparation could prepare him for returning home. He couldn�t help thinking that maybe he shouldn�t have run away, or maybe he just shouldn�t return home. Perhaps his biggest fear was that no one missed him, or noticed he was gone, but not even that necessarily. His biggest fear was that Joey was happier with him gone. That she was happier with Dawson.
Part 15
Joey walked into the high school silently. She wore dark glasses over her eyes because although make up had helped hide the dark circles surrounding her eyes, nothing could take away the pain in them. She walked down the hall in a zombie like state. She didn�t look left, or right, or really see anything, or anyone. She stared straight ahead just wanting to get where she was going, and get this day over with.
�Joey.�
The voice came from behind Joey, and she knew it was familiar, but her brain wasn�t processing things right at the moment.
�Joey,� Jen called out again.
Joey stopped, as Jen caught up with her. Jen stopped when she saw Joey and instantly knew things hadn�t turned out as she had hoped they would.
�Are you okay?� Jen asked genuinely concerned.
�Just peachy,� Joey replied. Jen saw straight through her, and Joey knew it. Joey sighed. �Look he never showed up okay, and I don�t want to talk about it,� Joey said quickly hoping to end it all right there.
Jen nodded. �Okay.�
Joey smiled her thanks, but her smile quickly faded. She shifted her weight to her other foot as Jen continued to stare at her with worry etched on her face.
�I have to get to class,� Joey mumbled, and took off before Jen could say anything more. Jen watched her walk away deeply concerned about her state of mind.
Joey walked into her first class, and sunk into the first empty seat. She didn�t look around. She just focused on the top of her desk. She was so tired, and worn out from the gamut of emotions she had gone through for the past couple of days that she couldn�t even think anymore. She couldn�t even feel anything anymore. Thankfully she hadn�t puked this morning.
Dawson watched Joey stare at her desk. He couldn�t see her eyes as they were still covered by dark sunglasses, but he could tell she wasn�t happy by the way her shoulders slumped. He stood up, and walked to the seat next to her.
�Is this seat taken,� Dawson asked pointing to the one next to Joey.
Joey looked up slowly and shrugged. Dawson sat in the seat and watched Joey. It killed him to see her this upset. He didn�t know exactly why she was this upset, but he only needed one guess to know it had something to do with Pacey.
�So,� Dawson started.
Joey cut him off before he could get out another word. �He didn�t come home, so could we just drop it,� Joey pleaded.
�Damn him,� Dawson exclaimed on impulse.
�Dawson I don�t need this now, so please just drop it,� Joey begged.
�I can�t help it.� Joey pulled off her sunglasses, and Dawson almost gasped when he saw her eyes so filled with pain. �Jo, I�m so sorry.� Joey shrugged, and set her sunglasses on the desk. �If there�s anything I can do,� Dawson continued.
�Just let it go,� Joey said quietly.
Dawson reached out, and rested his hand on top of Joey�s on the desk. He squeezed it lightly trying to comfort her, and reassure her even though he knew both were impossible right now.
Pacey stopped in the doorway of the classroom. His heart ceased to beat as he watched Dawson clutch Joey�s hand. Joey didn�t pull away, and though he couldn�t see her face, since her back was to the door, Pacey felt like his greatest fears were confirmed. He turned around, and ran down the hall not caring whom he ran into, or where he was going. His heart was now beating so fast Pacey thought it would burst.
Part 16
Pacey shoved open the doors of the high school and ran outside. He came to a stop and gulped the fresh air into his lungs. As he breathed in he tasted the tears. He hadn�t even realized he was crying. This is what he had imagined, what he had feared, but even so he was not prepared for how it would make him feel. He hadn�t seen Joey in three months, and the first time he saw her was with Dawson.
Pacey stood in the middle of the lawn in front of the high school not knowing what to do. He couldn�t go back in there. He just couldn�t. As stupid as it was to have hoped, Pacey couldn�t help that he had. He didn�t expect Joey to rush into his arms, and profess her undying love. She had chosen Dawson�s friendship, but Pacey had hoped that he�d get a second chance, a second chance to be with her, a second chance to hopefully let her fall in love him, a second chance to be her friend. That was all over. There would be no second chances now. She didn�t just choose Dawson�s friendship, she chose Dawson, and that left Pacey with nothing.
Pacey angrily wiped the tears from his face. There was no point in crying. There was no point in going to school. There was no point in being in Capeside.
Pacey started walking to the only place he felt like he belonged. He made the trip slowly wandering through Capeside looking at everything like it would be the last time. This town was nothing but a reminder of whom he was, or wasn�t for that matter.
He made his way to the docks, to True Love. He climbed aboard his boat, and went down below. He hadn�t even unpacked. His stuff was all here. His life was all right here.
�Why doesn�t it surprise me to find you here?�
Pacey whipped around to face Doug as he stood in the entryway. Doug took one look at his face, and sighed.
�What happened?�
�Nothing,� Pacey answered.
�Nothing?� Doug replied not believing him. Pacey didn�t say anything, and Doug continued, �Why aren�t you in school Pacey?�
�Didn�t feel like going,� Pacey said with a shrug.
�That�s a good way to start the year.� Pacey again didn�t answer, and Doug continued, �Pacey you can�t stay on this boat forever.�
�Why not?�
�Why not?� Doug repeated incredulously.
�Yeah why not?� Pacey challenged.
�Because Pacey you can�t keep running away.�
Doug walked further into the boat�s cabin, and Pacey turned away from him. Pacey ran his fingers through his hair before replying, �Who says I�m running away?�
�What do you call it?�
Pacey turned back around to face Doug. Doug was starting to piss him off, and he angrily answered, �I lived on this boat for three months, and did just fine. It made me realize that I can take care of myself.�
�You�ve been taking care of yourself for years Pacey.�
Pacey was taken aback by Doug�s words. He had always taken care of himself, but it was a shock to hear Doug acknowledge it, and with a hint of pride in his words. He had no choice in his life but to take care of himself. It didn�t mean he liked it. It didn�t mean he didn�t want someone to take care of him sometimes, but there was no one.
�There�s nothing for me here,� Pacey quietly said.
�Nothing?� Doug challenged.
�Nothing,� Pacey firmly repeated.
�School?�
�What�s the point? I finish the year, graduate by the skin of my teeth, and spend the rest of my life in menial labor. With that future I might as well not waste my time.�
�Pacey do you realize how stupid you sound right now?�
�Gee thanks Doug. Nice to know you care.�
�I do care Pacey, if I didn�t I wouldn�t bother. Now you and I both know why you want to leave. About 5�9�, brown hair, brown eyes, and that crooked smile.�
�This isn�t about Joey,� Pacey argued defensively.
�It�s not?�
�No it�s not,� Pacey answered his voice rising.
�Then what is it about?�
�It�s about the fact that no one in this town cares whether I am here or not, so why should I stay?�
�If that�s the case why did you come back at all?�
Pacey looked away. He knew Doug didn�t believe him, and why should he it wasn�t the truth. Most of it was. He really had no desire to be in Capeside, except for one little thing, and that was gone. Pacey knew he was leaving because of Joey.
�You know Pace, you have always been an impetuous, bull-headed idiot�� Doug started.
Cutting him off, Pacey coolly replied, �Thanks for reminding me of one of the reasons I�m leaving.�
Doug threw up his hands. �Fine you win Pacey. I don�t care, Dad doesn�t care, Mom doesn�t care, your sisters don�t care, your friends don�t care, and Dawson doesn�t care. Fine, but there is one person who does care. Someone who cares enough to wait here at this dock all day for you to return.�
Pacey stared at Doug shocked by his words. He slowly asked, �What are you saying?�
�I don�t know Pace, I guess I don�t care enough to let you know.�
With those words Doug left leaving Pacey alone and very confused.
Part 17
The door to the girls� bathroom swung open, and Jen walked in. She put her hands on her hips when she saw Joey leaning on the edge of one of the sinks.
�Figures you�d in here,� she said. Joey gave her a little smile, and Jen continued, �It�s rather clich�d, but I will give you points for not locking yourself in one of the stalls.�
�Gee thanks,� Joey sarcastically shot back.
�Well at least your attitude has returned,� Jen joked.
Joey slid off the sink. �You�re not helping.�
�Who says I�m trying to help?�
�Then what are you doing in here?� Joey asked suspiciously.
�It�s a bathroom what do you think?� Jen replied as she headed for one of the stalls.
She disappeared into the stall, and Joey contemplated leaving, but instead she asked, �So you weren�t looking for me?�
�Well technically I was, but I thought I�d kill two birds with one stone,� Jen answered.
�I�m fine. Really you guys can stop looking at me like I�m going to fall apart. I mean yes this morning I was a mess, but now I�m fine.�
�Okay,� Jen replied.
Joey continued, �I mean I�m upset that Pacey didn�t even care enough to come home, but I�ve moved on from upset to mad. Now I�m mad.�
The toilet flushed, and Jen came out of the stall.
�Okay.�
Joey watched Jen as she washed her hands in the sink. �If Pacey doesn�t want to be here. If he doesn�t want to be in my life anymore well that�s his choice. I�m not going to sit around, and pine for him anymore. He�s made it perfectly clear he�d like to just forget everything just forget me, and I can do the same,� Joey ranted as she walked to the door.
�Okay,� Jen repeated as she threw the paper towel in the trashcan and followed Joey to the door.
Joey�s hand rested on the handle of the door, as she finished her tirade. �I want nothing more to do with Pacey Witter. In fact I don�t even want to talk to him. I don�t want to see him. As of right now, Pacey Witter no longer exists to me.�
�Okay.�
�And I am perfectly fine with it.�
Joey threw open the door of the girls� bathroom and stopped dead in her tracks. �Pacey,� she breathed.
Part 18
Pacey closed his eyes as her voice washed over him. She had only said his name, but his whole body reacted to her. It reacted to the sound of her voice, the feel of her eyes, and just being near her. It had been so long, and even though all summer he had heard her voice in his head, had seen her face, it was like it was for the first time again, and in that moment he fell in love with her all over again.
Pacey opened his eyes to find her staring at him, her big brown eyes searching his, and Pacey lost his ability to think. He couldn�t speak, he couldn�t move, all that he was aware of was her. She sucked her lower lip into her mouth chewing on it lightly, and Pacey thought he was going to die. This is why he should have left. He couldn�t even be near her without losing it.
�I have to get to class.� Pacey finally noticed that Jen was standing behind Joey. She squeezed Joey�s hand before walking over to Pacey and giving him a quick hug. �It�s good to have you home Pace.�
Jen left before Pacey had a chance to say anything leaving him alone with Joey. Pacey ran his fingers through his hair trying to think of something to say. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss her, but that wasn�t an option.
Pacey finally blurted out, �How are you doing?� at the same time Joey asked, �How was your summer?�
They both laughed. It was strained and uncomfortable. Pacey looked down at his shoes not being able to bear looking at her knowing he couldn�t touch her. The uncomfortable silence dragged on for what seemed like an eternity.
�Well it was really nice seeing you Pace.�
Pacey�s head snapped up at her words. She was looking at him expectantly. He wondered if she was waiting for him to give her a sign give her a clue as to how things were between them. Pacey wanted to do that. He really did, but the words were caught in his throat. He wanted to tell her he missed her, that he loved her, that he had thought of nothing else but her every day this past summer, or even simply that he was sorry, but he couldn�t say any of it. He was too scared.
Joey nodded as if she understood. She turned away from Pacey and took a couple of slow steps away from him as if she was waiting for him to stop her. Her footsteps echoed in Pacey�s head. He couldn�t let her walk away.
�Jo,� he called out.
Joey turned around slowly. She looked so scared. �I just wanted to�� his voice trailed off as she looked at him expectantly.
She looked so beautiful and so innocent as she stood before him waiting for him to say whatever it was he was going to say. Pacey wanted to ask her about what Doug had told him. About waiting for him at the docks, but what if Doug was wrong? He had seen her this morning with Dawson. Maybe when he didn�t show up she had given up on him. Realizing he probably ruined any chance he had with Joey by not having the strength to come home he simply said, �It was really nice seeing you too.�
Joey�s face fell, and Pacey�s heart broke. Why couldn�t he say the right thing? Why couldn�t he have the damn balls to tell her what he really wanted to tell her? Why was he such a coward?
Joey forced a smile onto her face and said, �Welcome Home Pacey.�
And then she was gone.