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Author: Cariann |
The dance floor was packed with twirling bodies as the band pounded out song after song. The bar was overflowing as drinks were passed out at a rapid speed. Everywhere Pacey looked he saw smiling people decked out in their vintage outfits having the time of their lives.
Pacey made his way through the crowd not stopping as people waved to him, or shouted their hellos. This was his club, and everyone knew him. It was feeling he was not used to, but he loved it. He made his way to the bar, and the sea of people backed away creating a clear path for him. He leaned on the bar and before saying a word a gin and tonic was placed in front of him. He picked up his drink and turned around to admire the crowd.
He sipped the drink as he watched the people. As much as Pacey loved to dance, and be a part of the action, he loved observing all the people just as much. He loved to drink in his success.
Pacey had come to Los Angeles five years ago. He was broke in more ways than one. He had 38 dollars to his name�and a broken heart. He had come to Hollywood to be an actor. It was the only thing he could see himself doing, and he had been good at it. He remembered the play in high school. He had been a hit, and had shown real talent, but so had every other aspiring actor in Hollywood.
Pacey didn�t see himself as a failure now. His first three years in Los Angeles he had. He had supported himself by working odd jobs. He had been a waiter, a bartender, a bouncer, a salesman, and made deliveries for a florist to name just a few. He had gone to audition after audition to no avail in those three years, and then it had happened. He met Julia.
Julia was beautiful with out any doubt. She had long black hair, pale skin, and green eyes. To say she was unique looking was an understatement. She was original and exotic. Pacey had met her at a bar on Sunset and she had sought him out. To this day Pacey had no idea why. He wasn�t even remotely in her league, but she had wanted him, and Pacey was too fascinated to care what her reasons were.
Julia introduced him to the lifestyle he now embraced. She had taken him to a swing club. She had taught him how to dance, how to dress, how to act, and most importantly how to love again. Pacey moved in with her after a month of dating. She was his savior. She had money. Her father was a producer, and her mother an actress. She had offered to open all the doors that Pacey had never been able to even crack, but he refused to use her like that. She loved him more for it.
For their one-year anniversary, Julia had bought him the club. He had tried to refuse the gift, but she had insisted. Pacey had finally accepted it on the condition that when it started to turn a profit he would pay her back. He never did pay her back even though in the year it had been opened Pacey�s club had paid for itself two times over. He instead proposed to her, and they were getting married in six months.
Pacey pushed off the counter, and made his way through the club towards the dance floor. He felt like dancing. He rarely danced with anyone but Julia, but she was in New York visiting friends, and Pacey wanted to dance. Pacey scanned the crowds looking for a partner. His eyes roamed over the hordes of women in the club. So many more women came then men. They stood in packs on the prowl for a partner, preferably a handsome one, or even better a rich one.
Pacey passed over them. He wasn�t looking for a girl who was looking for a conquest, or a good time. He was looking for a dance that was all. His eyes found their way to the dance floor, and he moved from one dancing pair to the next assessing their skill. He hated dancing with girls who were more enthusiastic than talented. He knew it was snobbish, but he hated holding back when he was dancing, and he needed a partner to equal him.
Pacey had been surprised to find how quickly, and effortlessly he took to the dancing. He had never been a dancer. In fact he had refused to dance most of his life, and only on rare occasions did he actually submit to it. It was always for a girl, but this time it wasn�t for a girl. This time it was for him, because he loved it. He loved the freedom of it, the excitement of it, and the energy he always felt rush through him.
Pacey eyes stopped on a couple in the corner. The gentleman was dressed in a business suit, which in itself stood out. He also couldn�t dance, but what caught Pacey�s attention was the woman. She had dark brown hair swept up into a simple ponytail. She wore a simple black dress that showed off her legs that seemed to go on for miles. She moved with effortless grace despite her partner�s shortcomings. Pacey was impressed.
She danced with confidence, and skill. She never missed a stepped, though she often had to dodge her partner�s feet, and she made the steps her own. She wasn�t like almost every other woman here who had taken a class, learned a few steps, and repeated them for every number. This woman knew how to dance.
Pacey watched her completely enthralled. There was something about her that he couldn�t pin point, but that was pulling him towards her. The song ended, and the woman stopped. She clapped politely, and whispered something to her partner before walking away. Pacey started to walk towards her. He wanted to meet her. He wanted to dance with her.
He instinctively knew that her partner was not her husband, boyfriend, or date. You can tell from the dancing. Pacey chuckled to himself. All those years ago the ballroom dancing instructor had told him that the dancing never lied, and Pacey now lived by this rule. Being at the club every night had taught him that this was in fact true, and from the dancing Pacey knew the woman did not belong to that man.
The relief, and excitement he got from that made him stop dead in his tracks. He loved Julia. He shouldn�t be thinking like this. Pacey turned around, and quickly headed towards his office. He felt ashamed, and disloyal for having the thoughts he just had. The woman could dance, and she was beautiful, but Pacey was taken.
Pacey disappeared into his office. He didn�t bother to turn on the light. He just collapsed onto the couch in his office, and closed his eyes. He saw her when he closed his eyes. He tried to get rid of the image, but it wouldn�t go away. He was unexplainably drawn to her. She danced across his mind in slow motion. There was something so familiar about her.
Pacey got up, and left his office. He needed a drink. He walked to the bar quickly careful to not let his eyes wander. He loved Julia. He truly did. There was nothing not to love about her really. She was practically perfect. The fact that Pacey had to constantly remind himself of this made him hate himself even more. She deserved better than him. Pacey had always known this.
There was but one thing that held Pacey back from loving Julia with all his heart, and that was that the bulk of his heart was still in Capeside, was still with Joey Potter. Their relationship had ended, and not for the reasons Pacey had feared. It actually had nothing to do with Dawson. It had to do with him.
Pacey had followed Joey to Boston after high school. They lived together in a small apartment near the campus. She went to Northeastern, and Pacey worked three jobs to support them. They rarely saw each other, and it tore them apart. Pacey was jealous of all her college friends who saw her constantly, and Joey was lonely. They found themselves never having anything to talk about. They lived in different worlds.
One morning in the spring they had sat across from each other in silence drinking coffee. Pacey had asked her if she was happy. She had said she was. Pacey had pushed further, and had asked if she was happy with him. Her answer had not surprised him. She had set down her coffee cup, and whispered no.
They continued to live together for the remainder of the school year, but not as lovers, only as roommates. In those four weeks Pacey could literally count the number of words they spoke to each other. Pacey had said 67, Joey 42. During finals week Pacey had packed his bags, and left for Los Angeles. Joey wasn�t there to say goodbye.
Pacey sat down at the far end of the bar. The bartender Jimmy moved to set a gin and tonic in front of him, but Pacey held up his hand.
�Jimmy a tequila,� Pacey ordered.
Jimmy stared at Pacey in shock. Pacey never drank tequila. Hell Pacey hardly drank. He got drinks, but never really drank them. It was the image of having the drink that Pacey liked. He didn�t want to get drunk. He wanted to enjoy the club in a completely sober state.
Jimmy grabbed the bottle of tequila, and set the shot glass in front of Pacey. He filled the shot, and slid it over to Pacey.
�There you go Pace.�
Pacey took the shot, and drained it. He slammed the shot glass back down on the counter. Jimmy moved to refill it, but Pacey put his hand over the shot glass.
�Give me the bottle,� he demanded.
Jimmy hesitantly handed the bottle over to Pacey, and Pacey grabbed it. He hated having memories of Joey. He only had them when Julia was gone. He couldn�t control his mind when she was not there. He couldn�t stop the memories, and longing that consumed him when she wasn�t there.
Pacey knew that the dancing woman had evoked this in him, because she reminded him of Joey. He hadn�t let himself think it while he was watching her, but now Joey was all he could think about. Pacey slid off the barstool, and he made his way back to his office. He would sleep there tonight. He would drink himself into oblivion, and hopefully tomorrow his mind would not be overrun with thoughts of Joey. He felt like a bastard every time he thought of Joey. He felt like it betrayed Julia, whom he loved. He really did. She just wasn�t Joey, and he could not hold that against her. No one on earth was Joey except one woman who he had let slip through his fingers.
Pacey closed the door of his office. He leaned against the door, and brought the bottle to his lips. The liquid burned down his throat, but it did not erase his thoughts.
Pacey moved to the couch and sat down. He took another long drink from the bottle. The liquid scorched down his throat, but still did not scorch the memories away. Joey flashed across his mind. He laid his head down on the arm of the couch, and continued to drink the tequila.
He wished Julia would come back. She wasn�t supposed to return for another week. Pacey didn�t think he could survive. It was all that dancing woman�s fault he thought. Why did she have to remind him of Joey Potter? She flashed through his mind. She was so much like Joey. If he hadn�t known better he would have thought it was Joey, but that woman could no way be Joey. Joey would never be here, at his club, dancing like she was born to do those moves. In his now drunken state Pacey failed to realize that this was the last place anyone would have thought he would be either.
The sound of the ringing phone startled Pacey out of his alcohol-induced out sleep. He stumbled towards the phone on his desk. The morning light shone through the blinds as he clumsily made his way to his desk. He kicked the empty bottle of tequila on his way. His head was pounding, his eyes hurt, and his mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. Pacey grabbed the phone.
�Hello,� he mumbled hoarsely barely able to find his voice.
�Pacey, I knew I�d find you at your office,� Julia cheerily answered on the other end.
Pacey collapsed into the chair behind his desk. �You know me to well Julia. How�s New York?�
His voice sounded a little better, but he didn�t feel any better. He rooted around in the top drawer of his desk looking for a bottle of aspirin as Julia rambled on about her trip, and friends. He knew he kept some in here, but concentrating on both Julia, and his search was making his head pound even harder. Julia stopped talking, and Pacey snapped his attention back to her.
�I miss you Pacey,� she confessed.
�I miss you too,� Pacey automatically answered.
He found the aspirin, and started the task of trying to navigate the childproof cap off something that was not that easy when you were hung over.
�Why don�t you fly out here for a few days. It�ll be fun.�
�To New York?� Pacey asked as he finally succeeded in removing the cap.
He poured four aspirin into his hand, and threw them into his mouth. He swallowed them without water.
�No to India. Of course New York silly.� Julia giggled.
�I don�t know. I mean I don�t want to leave the club.�
�Pacey the club runs itself, and you know that.�
�I know, but Jules you know how much I hate New York.�
Julia sighed in defeat. �I know, though I still don�t understand how you can hate New York so much.�
�I just do,� Pacey said a little more angrily than he had wanted to be.
�Okay. Then I�ll see you in a week. Take care of yourself.�
�I will.�
�Don�t go falling in love with someone else while I�m gone,� she joked.
Pacey laughed nervously as guilt washed over him.
�I won�t. Have a great time.�
�Thanks. Talk to you later.�
Pacey held the phone to his ear even after he heard the dial tone. Her words echoed through his mind.
Don�t go falling in love with someone else while I�m gone.
He knew in his heart he was already in love with someone else. Pacey�s head started to pound harder. Things had gotten so complicated, and all just because of a woman who happened to look like someone else. Pacey lowered his head onto his desk. The next week was going to be hell. He should just go to New York, but New York would make it worse. Joey lived in New York.