Well...sorry about the short posting yesterday. I was really pooped. I'm on this medication and it makes me zombie-like!
I've been thinking a lot about my insecurities and God knows i have my fair share. I think my number one insecurity is the fear of being abandoned or rejected. Because of that i build a wall around myself and never allow anyone in. People who've known me for a long time have noticed this change in me. I'm not as gregarious as i used to be. I've become downright introverted. I've isolated myself from the world - because i'm scared of getting too close. Because of that i tend to scare people away. I just wish they'd understand it. A few have, and those tenacious few have stood by me through sick and sin (thick and thin) - and for that i'm eternally grateful. It must be bloody diffuclt being there for me. I can be such an ass sometimes! I know i couldnt handle myself if i were in their shoes.
Another insecurity i have - well it's more like a bad habit - is that i'm a fatalist. I tend to expect the worst - perhaps its because i find it hard to trust - but then when the worst happens, i dont handle it well. Whats the point in being fatalistic then? Gosh i'm such a screw up that i cant even be fatalistic the right way!
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