IT WASN�T ME!

I had arrived in a strange town, settled into my digs and had my first day at my new job at Brown�s Computers. I thought that I would spend the evening looking around the town to familiarise myself with the shops, cinemas, theatres etc. As I was walking past a pub, I heard �Hey Jim! Jim!� I looked around to see a strange man beckoning to me.

As he got nearer, I said �My names not Jim.� But he just ignored my protestations, I think he was a bit drunk, and insisted I join him in the pub where they were having a party.

Now this is were it gets really strange. As we entered the pubs bar and walked through the crowd. Lots of different people kept saying �Hi Jim!� �Hello Jim!�

I had a drink thrust in my hand and a plate of sandwiches was offered to me. I stood there eating and drinking when this pretty girl came up to me. I smiled at her and she said �Bastard!�

�What!� I replied rather startled at her outburst. �Now look here I�m not�� But before I could finish, her knee came up and connected with my thigh. Fortunately she was only about 4� 10� tall. Had she been any taller I would have been in trouble as having one hand full of sandwich and the other holding a drink, I was unable to protect myself.

She continued �Left me standing at the altar, and in my condition.�
�But I�m not JimmmmAahhhh!� I screamed as she kicked me in the ankle and turned and walked away.

I was just thinking to myself that perhaps I had better leave when someone grabbed my arm and whispered �I think you�d better slip out the back way. McLoud�s here and he�s got a shotgun. He must have found out about you and his wife. Well everyone knew, so I suppose it was only time before he found out.�

�What!� I bellowed �But I�m not this Jim who everyone thinks I am.� Just then the room fell silent. A swathe opened up in the crowd leaving a clear path between me and a man, I assume was McLoud, carrying a shotgun. Now I know how Moses felt as the Red Sea parted before him.

I could see that the gun was under his arm and broke open. So there wasn�t any immediate danger of it going off. He had entered the bar from the lounge door. The main door was to my right and there were a lot of people in the way, so I couldn�t make a dash for it.

As he approached, he snapped the shotgun closed..
�Now just hang on a minute!� I shouted. �I am not Jim! My name is Tom; I have my passport in my briefcase in the boot of my car. I�ll just go and get it and prove it to you.�
He raised the shotgun to his shoulder and said. �You go to your car, and you�ll drive off.�
I took my key wallet from my pocket and took off a key. �Here is my car key. I�ll leave it on the bar.� I then made a big show of walking over to the bar and placing the key where everyone could see it. It was actually the key to my works locker, I don�t have a car. I then made my way to the main entrance. Once again the crowd opened up and I had a clear exit to the door.


As I reached the door, I turned and said �Oh! I�ll need the key to open the boot of my car.�
McLoud said �Give him the key.� Everyone turned in the direction of the bar and as they did, I shot out the door and legged it down the street as fast as I could.

I�d had enough of this town. I returned to my digs, packed and got the next train that was heading anywhere in a southerly direction.

EPILOGUE

The next day at Brown�s Computer factory, the boss came out of his office and said. �Hey Bob! That new guy who started yesterday has just phoned. He doesn�t like our town and has quit and returned home. That leaves that job vacant again, so if you want to tell your son to come and see me, he can have it.�

�OK boss!� said Bob McLoud, grinning as he picked up the phone to call his son.