EMERGENCY SERVICES

Operator:.......... Which service do you require? Police, fire or ambulance?

Wife:............... Oh please! Help! My husband....

Operator:.......... Is he on fire or stuck up a tree?

Wife:............... Oh no, no! He's missing.

Operator:.......... That'll be the police you want then. How long has he been gone?

Wife:............... Oh I don't know, I'm not sure. He's usually home at six but I was late
.......................getting in myself, it's half past now and he's not here.

Operator:.......... He's hardly missing if he's just thirty minutes overdue. The police
.......................won't want to know until he's been gone at least twenty-four hours.

Wife:............... But you don't understand, he's never late. He's always here for his dinner.

Operator:.......... Have you checked the entire house?

Wife:............... Yes, I've looked everywhere.

Operator:.......... Garden shed?

Wife:............... Yes I checked the shed.

Operator:.......... Are you sure that you have checked 'everywhere' in the house?

Wife:............... Well I haven't been in the kitchen.... Hang on I'll look.

Husband:.......... Hi Luv! You weren't here so I thought I'd start the dinner.

Wife:............... Ohhhhhhhhh!

Husband:.......... Hello! Who is this?

Operator:.......... Emergency services!

Husband:.......... Oh good. Can you send an ambulance; my wife has just fainted.