It's hard for me to tell other mice what I do for a living. Mostly, they don't want to know, so mostly, I don't tell them. I say I'm in banking, insurance, sales. 'Nice to meet you, I'm Wallace. I work for the Federal Government.' Only I don't. I work for whoever pays me the most. Folks don't want to hear that, mostly.
How did I become a claw for hire? I don't know, really. I suppose I knew the wrong mice and made some lucrative mistakes. One thing led to another. I started out running errands. Inside a year I found myself prying some unlucky rodent's skull back with a steel pry claw. The pay was good..
You might think you're better than that. 'Oh, I'd never do something like that!'
You're just as capable of slipping down the slope, though, and if you're smart, you know it. 'A guy' or 'people' or 'the system' or whatever figure out what they want you to do and then work it backward in their heads (or in a committee) until they figure what you are willing to do right now. They ask you, or set you up, to do that thing and hey, you're willing so you do it. Suddenly you are on somebody else's garden path hopping toward their goal, your own will be damned. The next step is so close now. Why not? It's no big deal. Look, the step is RIGHT there, practically under your paw. The thing is, now you're acting at his??/her/their direction. Even if you wanted to turn back it would take an act of God because of your momentum. Next thing you know you are the kind of mouse you would've hated before and you're doing things you'd never do.
That's the way it was with me and that's the way it is with you. Prove me wrong. I'd love for you to prove me wrong. Tell me about non-conformists with plenty. Let's hear about the salad days of the unwavering.
The Onion
Dan Morrison's Joint
Thank God I am grateful. Thank God all of my dreams will come true. Thank God it's all so hard because if it weren't, I'd never know when I had it good. Thank God for the predicament America has put itself into. Thank God for East German grimness. Thank God for difficult friends. Thank God I lost my jacket and it is cold outside.
I am a father. I am a husband. I do work that I enjoy and make plenty of money. I belong to a small tight knit community of enlightened people. I take cool trips. I write. My life is art. I have meaningful responsibilities. I am love.
Such is my prayer without supplication. Such is my need without asking.