When I came out to John four years earlier, I never thought it would lead what it did. I came out to him at a period in my life when I thought I planned for every contingency: that he might hate me, that he might laugh, or even that he might come out to me himself. But I never expected that the seed I planted then would lead to his younger brother coming out to me four years later.

I was graduating that day as was John and two of our other roommates. All the families of all four graduates were in town and because we all shared a big house, some of the family members were staying in the living room. The house was usually chaotic; that weekend it was insane.

When I opened my bedroom door cautiously, I was relieved to hear only silence in the house. I thought I heard a TV in the other room, turned down very low, almost inaudible. At least it was only one other person, and a considerate one at that. At 7 AM, I was in no mood to be polite and jovial to my roommates� relatives.

I tiptoed my way to the shower. The door to the other bedroom was open. I looked inside and saw Chad, John�s younger brother, laying on John�s bed watching TV. He looked up quickly as he saw me, as though I had startled him.

"Morning," I managed.

"Oh...morning," he said. He went back to watching TV.

I shuffled past the room and went to take my shower. My parents were going to be arriving soon for the Big Day.

I had met Chad several times in the four years John and I had roomed together. He must have been about 11 when I met him first because the day we graduated he had just turned 15. He was a quiet kid but seemed pretty nice. He seemed to like my other roommates better than me because he talked to them a lot more. He so obviously avoided talking to me that I thought he didn�t like me. I thought at first he avoided me because I was gay. Later I found out how right I was but for the wrong reason.

I finished up my shower and headed back for my own room. As I walked past John�s room, I could still see Chad. He seemed glued to the TV. He didn�t even look up this time.

As I was getting dressed, I heard a knock at the door to my room.

"Just a second," I said. I was getting dressed and so far only had on my underwear. I slipped on my bath robe and answered my door. It was Chad.

"Hey," I said, more than a little surprised.

"Hey," he said. His eyes met mine for a moment and then looked away. He seemed nervous.

"What�s up?," I asked as mildly as I could. I didn�t want to scare him off now that he was finally talking to me.

"Nothing," he said. "I just wanted to talk. No one else is home. They all went out to get breakfast."

"You didn�t go with them?," I asked. I started to clean myself up a little, brushing my hair, flossing my teeth, shaving what I had missed in the shower.

"Nope. I wanted to sleep in." Chad was now at my bookshelf, looking over the titles I had there. He seemed interested in reading the spines of the two shelves of gay books I had. Something was definitely odd here. There was more to his visit to my room than just some small talk. I decided to be call him on it.

"Was there something specific you wanted to talk to me about, Chad?" His head snapped up from reading the books. His eye brows clumped together in an unmistakable sign of worry and surprise; he had been caught red-handed. He swallowed hard.

"Well, no," he started. He stopped himself. "Yes, there is something I want to talk to you about, something I�ve been wanting to talk to you about." His eyes started to tear up. "I�m...I�m...You promise you won�t tell anyone?"

"Yes, I promise. You can tell me anything, Chad. What is it?"

"I�m gay."

I dropped the Q-tip I was holding. Then the floodgates opened.

"I�ve been wanting to talk to you for so long, Peter. John told me you were gay three years ago. I kinda knew then that I was gay but I wasn�t sure. I wanted to talk to you so much but I never got the chance to be alone with you. Do you remember that time everyone went out to dinner but I was alone in the house? I wanted to talk to you so badly then but you had to go to work. Then last year I thought we were alone in the apartment but Mike was there. I knew I needed to talk to you today because you�re graduating and John is graduating and I don�t know if I�ll ever see you again."

The words flooded out in an unbroken string. He was closer to tears now than he had been earlier. I was getting close, too, thinking about the three years that he had been waiting to talk to me. I remembered trying to talk to other people about being gay when I was younger but there was no one gay in my life then. I was almost as relieved as he was that he finally had the chance to talk to someone else gay.

I did the only thing I knew to do: I went over and gave him a hug.

"Congratulations," I said as I held him.

"Congratulations?," he asked.

"Yes, congratulations. You have found out this wonderful part of yourself that many other people don�t have. You�re a very special person."

"You mean I�m not bad for being gay?"

Now I did start crying, remembering what it was like to feel like I was evil for being gay, what it was like to feel bad because of my very nature.

"No, you�re not bad," I said. "Can you change it?" He shook his head, no. "Are you hurting other people?" No. "Are you being honest with yourself?" Yes. "Then how can it be bad?"

"I don�t know," he said. "I just hear people calling other people fags or dykes or homos and I hear what other people say. They think gay people are going to hell."

"Let me tell you this, Chad: There are many people out there who are ignorant about what it means to be gay. They think that all gay people molest children or try to rape people. But I know for myself that being gay is about loving someone. And I never heard of anyone going to hell for loving someone else."

He didn�t respond. It seemed like he was just taking it all in.

"What makes you think you�re gay? You seem kinda young to be so sure about it."

"I�ve had a crush on this guy at school for the past year. I know that when my friends talk about girls, I think about guys in the same way. I know that I really want to be kissed by another guy and held by another guy and touched by another guy."

I nodded my head. "Sounds like you�re gay to me," I said. "Have you thought about telling your parents? Or John?"

"I�ve thought about it, but I don�t think I�m really ready for it. I know John would be cool with it; I just wanted to talk to you first. I feel like I need to be okay with being gay first before I can tell anyone else."

"John will always have my phone number," I said, "So if you need to talk, give me a call. I know how lonely it can be when you�re the only one who knows that you�re gay."

As Chad said, "Thank you," we both heard the key in the front door. His parents were back.

"Well, thanks for helping me look for my contact," I said loud enough so that his parents had to have heard.

Chad looked stunned for only a second before he caught on. "No problem, Pete. Let me know if you need my help again." I don�t even wear contacts.

His parents came in the door. I finished getting dressed and shut my closet door before going out to talk to them.