The kids that claim 'my parents don't love me and they don't let me do anything' usually translates as 'my parents won't let me drimk or smoke or have sex because i'm only 8 it's not fair all my mates do it and I want to be a sheep!' I'm going to approach this complex subject of problem pages in a style perfected by Pete in which I will write what should be given in response to real problem letters written to real problem pages. Enjoy,,,,,
Q. I've been talking to this guy online for a while now. He's shown me a picture of himself and now he's asking me to do things on a show on my webcam and show him my body. He makes me feel good but he's 17 and I'm 13 although I don't look it. Is this wrong?
Well, this is an obvious no-brainer:, it's very wrong for several reasons,
1. He's probably 56 in a bedsit in London sitting in his own excrement salivating at the thought of yet another naive 13 year old who would do anything he asks.
2. He is breking the law. HELLO! You are 13 you should be painting your nails and experimenting with makeup not guys.
3. Stop being an idiot! Your parents shouldn't let you speak to this kind of guy online, and it's not because they hate you so don't go into how much they stifle you. I mean, who bought you the computer?!?
Q. My best mate has this boyfriend recently he told me he fancies me and wants to be with me, I don't want to split them up and I don't want to hurt my mate, I'm scared please help!
You're 12! You've got another 18 years (or more) to sort out who you want! Get over yourself! He wants to have his cake and eat it and that makes him on a par of luncacy with you.
Q. I think I have a sexually transmitted infection- but I've neever had sex with anyone- I don't know how to tell my mum I have one what should I do?
You can't have an STI unless you've been knobbed by someone you daft girl! Tell your mum to buy you some Canesten or something!
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now my mates all call him a midget because he's smaller than me. I don't know if I should dump him, I love him but my mates tease me about him. Help!
Well you shouldn't need this spelt out to you. If you 'love' him, instead of dumping him dump your crap mates as they're shallow and vacous. But hey you might be as well. Bollocks, do what you want I don't care!
Q. I was at a party and my boy mate and I had to do 'seven minutes in heaven' he pulled down my trousers and tried to have sex with me-I pulled away but he said it was the rules so I went along with it. What should I do I feel dirty!
1. You're 12 what kind of party was this? Where was the jelly and ice cream?
2. It's called rape, love - call the police. I'll say it slowly cause your tiny brain can't handle too much it's 9-9-9
3. He didn't have to persuade you too much, all he had to say were those three little words and you were putty in his hands (pardon the expression). I don't mean 'I love you' but 'they're the rules'.
4. IDIOT!!
I feel I've illustrated the point there.
No problem pages = no stupid girls telling often graphic sick and often pointless stories. Instead of problem pages, shouldn't we be drumming it into them at an early age? Tell them about the evil at work.
The evil at work here isn't the act of sex. It's the church influencing government policy on sex education. It's the low life guys who take advantage of the naivety of young girls. It's the parents who make their children feel like they can't talk to them about anything without being thrown out, beaten or threatened. Fact.
Oh aye - and happy Corporate Festival of Chocolate Eggs and Rabbits.
