It was the day I was due to sit an exam for Social Policy 207 (Welfare State Theory). I had already given up all hope of being able to stay at uni. I had probably to sit second year again after failing the first semester's module and I really couldn�t have wasted any more of my life doing a degree I hated to be perfectly honest. Not only that, but this was late in May 2005 � the Worst Month Of My Life (official).
Why? A mixture of realization of two things:
1 � The wasted two years
2 � I�m seeing the world�s stupidest wee girl and I want my Seanna back.
Yes, this was the month I stooped my lowest. It hit me that I had so little self confidence that I needed a girl to adore me to feel good about myself (regardless of how mental or stalker-potential she might have been). This wee girl was Kathy � idiot is too mild a word for her. Typical lack-of-confidence, embarrass-herself-to-stay-with-the-in-crowd type who texted me every 5 minutes when I was out with other people (trying to escape her), talked endlessly about her exes, always stole my phone to read my texts that she had no business reading, bored me to death talking about people I didn't know or cared about, called me �boring� due to my certain eccentricites / guilty pleasures (Doctor Who, Sudoku and fine wine - nothing wrong with that) and made me feel guilty for living in a happy household. Frig that.
So instead of getting off at Botanic for this exam, I just lost it. It was me against the ticket inspector and I bottled it shortly after Cultra station. The tears streamed down my face as I got off the train at Seahill halt between Holywood and Bangor as I attempted to gain some sort of perspective on my life and where it was going. I walked for miles after getting off that train. I walked the length of the A2 to get to Cultra station (which gave me the fear it was so creepy) just thinking about my life over and over and over. I had to make some serious choices.
To cut a long story short (excuse the clichee), three weeks later I was in Sheffield. I dropped out of university. I had Seanna back. Life was peachy (despite failing my driving test). I was happy again after being in the pit of despair. And this photo will always remind me of the day I went to Seahill to gain some perspective and burn some calories.
To be honest though, I would have remembered it without the picture.