The DVD promotions run like so: The first DVD is usually in the polybagged Saturday edition of the mail (including the TV guide and the usual shite). Then, from Monday to a week on Friday, you collect the tokens out of the Mail, go to your nearest branch of Eason's or W.H. Smith's, hand the token to the lady or gentleman behind the till who will give you the DVD.
That's the theory anyway.
You see, Lisburn is (probably) the 3rd biggest city in Northern Ireland, especially after we inherited most of West Belfast. We are to cater for about 200,000 people (including Lisburn, West Belfast, Moira, Lurgan, or any other tool who fancies a shopping day in our wonderful city). We get 200 DVDs. That's...erm... about one DVD per 24 million people. Which just isn't enough.
You may be thinking to yourself "surely not all of these people want the DVD". And you'd be right. Most of them don't. But a lot of them do. And they're the biggest retards you'll ever meet.
The difference between the theory stated above is in incredible contrast to reality. They queue up before the shop is even open with their free DVD tickets or their 40p's in hand. This carries on all morning. At about 1pm, when the DVD stock runs out, Mrs McLaveravavaravarty from the estate comes in and the dialogue usually goes like this:
WOMAN: Have you any more of the DVDs, love?
EASON EMPLOYEE: <Who has just put the "sorry we have no DVDs left" sign up> No, sorry I'm afraid we have run out.
WOMAN: What? How come? Don't you get enough DVDs per papers?
EASON EMPLOYEE: Yes, but other people come in with the coupon when they buy it in other shops.
WOMAN: That's hardly fair.
EASON EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, it's first come first served.
WOMAN: That's not fair at all, I can't get into town first thing in the morning because of my arthritis/bad back/perforated eardrum and I come in here every day I'm going to write to the Daily Mail/go straight to your head office and complain about this terrible service <turns to customers in gathering queue> Isn't it terrible I come all the way into Lisburn with my arthritis/bad back/perforated eardrum to get this DVD and they don't have any in stock...
NEXT CUSTOMER: Could you hurry up, I'm in a hurry here...
WOMAN: I'll go to Craigavon in future they always have DVDs this place is a joke...<Leaves>
EASON EMPLOYEE: Next please
NEXT CUSTOMER: Have you got the DVD?
Yes folks, it's a sad state of affairs. So please, for the sake of newsagents everywhere, don't hassle us for your DVDs. And don't buy the Daily Mail either. Not because of the DVDs, just because it's shite.
