Gentlemen:

 

            After spending the better part of 3 hours last night cleaning, I awoke this morning to find a muddy footprint awaiting me at the top of the stairs.  Suffice to say, I was not pleased.  Please be reminded that you are both guests in my home.  Most of the time I enjoy your company and appreciate your help with Scarlett, etc.  However, at the risk of restating the glaringly obvious, below are a few reminders as to how I expect things to run in the house:

 

Floors 

 

There are two (one inside, one outside) doormats at the front door and one at the back door.  If these doormats are insufficient to remove all of the dirt, mud, crud, etc. from your shoes, please remove them before entering the house.

 

When the attic stairs are pulled down, roof tar, dust, wood chips, etc. fall onto the floor below.  If you open the stairs to put something in the attic, take five minutes and vacuum the hall.

 

The large vacuum in the utility closet does a good job on all the floors. It has settings for bare floor and carpet, and it even has “clean” and “dirty” lights to let you know when all the dirt is gone from an area.  The long snakelike attachment can be fitted with the edge cleaning attachment to vacuum the stairs.  The kitchen and bathroom floors can be mopped with Mr. Clean (under kitchen sink) diluted in hot water.  The hardwood floors can be spot-cleaned with the hardwood spray cleaner (also under kitchen sink) and a paper towel.

 

Kitchen

 

Dirt happens. Spills happen.  Fortunately, almost every surface in the kitchen successfully can be cleaned with the orange Fantastic spray cleaner (under kitchen sink) and a paper towel or sponge.  This includes the floor, counters, oven, cabinets, microwave, refrigerator, breakfast bar, and sink.

 

When hot food spills onto the hot electric burners, it quickly solidifies into a sticky black goo that is almost impossible to remove.  If you spill something onto a hot burner, wipe it off immediately with a wet sponge.  If black goo happens to you, turn the burner back on, wait for it to heat up, turn the burner off, then scrub with the abrasive side of a sponge and Soft Scrub cleanser (under kitchen sink).

 

A clean sink = a non-pissed off homeowner.  When rinsing dishes or glasses in the sink, make sure all of the food, etc. is washed away and goes completely down the drain.  I could elaborate about how cereal flakes turn into cement when they get stuck to the sides of the sink, but I do have billable work to do today.  Generally, the sink can be cleaned with Soft Scrub and a sponge. 

 

Furniture

 

Glasses should never be placed directly on any piece of wood furniture in the house, since this can scratch the wood and cause moisture rings to form, ruining the finish on the wood.  The same goes for plastic water bottles, cans of Red Bull, etc.  There is a set of metal coasters in the living room and a set of ceramic coasters in the kitchen. Use them.

 

The dining room table is a particularly expensive piece of furniture that I hope to have for a very long time.  Nothing should ever be placed directly on this table, but rather on place mats, which are plentiful and found inside the main compartment of the bar.  When food/drink spills onto the table, it can harden, be difficult to remove, and damage the finish on the table.  If this happens, gently wipe the top of the table with a damp (not wet) sponge, which should loosen the dirt. 

 

More generally, the dining room table (as well as the other wood furniture in the house) can be cleaned with the red can of “Liquid Gold” cleaner and a cloth rag, both of which are located on the shelves above the dryer.

 

*****

 

I hope that you have found these hints informative, and that things will run a bit more smoothly from now on, since your failure to shape up may land you both at Casa del Dingo for the remainder of the summer.  

 

Yours truly,

 

Amy L. Sykes

CEO, Barbie Dream House