STATEMENT OF EVENTS
Towards the end of the year 2000 it became clear, to me,
that financially I was in a mess and something had to be done. For the previous
four months I had been depressed because I had felt I was failing in my job and
this feeling has continued. The only way out was to take my own life. I didn't
want to do this over the Christmas period and so decided upon the New Year.
2001, a good year to die was my new years toast. Around this time I had also
made a complaint to the police about a person continually posting homophobic
messages in a GLB newsgroup. Early in 2001 one of my credit cards raised my
limit and so gave me a little breathing space but still I new it was only
putting off the day by a couple of months.
During this time I was making a number of irrational
decisions although they appeared completely rational to me. I turned down offers
from my friend to go to the theatre and other events because I expected to be
dead and didn't want to waste his time or money. Another irrational decision was
to download child porn from the net just to see what all the fuss was about.
Even sillier I saved
these images for an hour or two before deleting them. I did find the images
horrific and got the impression that the children concerned had been forced to
take part. At the time I again
thought it didn't matter, as I would soon be dead. By mid-April it was clear
that nothing was going to turn up to save me and so decided upon the first
weekend in May.
Then a friend from up North asked if he could stay on
the 12th to go house hunting and so it was put off until the 13th. Being
organised I cancelled my milk, left my will where it could be found and drafted
a goodbye note. On the 11th May the police took my computer. This did-not bother
me at all as I was to be dead in two days. My friend came, found a house,
commented on my lack of appetite and left early on the 13th.. I wrote out my
final note, took two packets of paracetamol with half a bottle of vodka. Within
the hour I was violently sick. Then I filled the bath, got in and slashed my
wrists. As I started to fall asleep I felt a great relief but woke up to find my
blood had clotted. I repeatedly reopened the wounds but it always clotted. At
10pm I gave up for the day. The next morning I bound my wrists and brought two
more packets of parcetamol from two different shops. I took these together with
some other tablets that I had found in my cupboard. If this didn't work I was
going to get in the bath and drop an electric fire in. My friend found me in
time and got me to hospital.
I spent three days in hospital on a drip and was seen by
a psychiatric nurse before being allowed to leave. I was then seen by a
psychiatrist who gave me some medication and suggested ways out of my troubles.
I have seen him once more since then. Have an appointment to see him again in
September. The next two or three weeks was spent consulting with my bank
manager, a debt counsellor and my GP. Eventually I was adjudged bankrupt and
felt a great relief at this. This didn't last long as the nasty letters and
phone calls continued arriving from the banks.
Then on the 4th July I was arrested at 8am on suspicion
of being in possession of indecent photographs of children. I was seen by a
doctor who insisted that an "appropriate adult" be present during any
interview along with the duty solicitor. Social Services provided a Mental
Health Social Worker to be present. The duty solicitor being Michael Wheeler. I
was interviewed on tape at the end of the day and released to return on the
17th. Needless to say I was going down by this stage and was considering suicide
again. My GP doubled my medication and said I must see my psychiatrist. I have
an appointment to see a locum psychiatrist on the 26th July as my own is away
until September. Meanwhile on the17th July I was charged with two offences and
bailed to appear at Northampton Magistrates on Thursday 19 th July at 9.30am.
At this stage I was able to get the services of Angus
Hamilton and Partner of London, solicitors. On the 18th of July I
received a letter from my employer telling me that I had been suspended from
work, on full pay, pending an investigation, which would follow my court
appearance. On the 19th I appeared in court and the case was
postponed for three weeks to enable, both, my solicitors and the CPS to study
the evidence. During this time I was back to the state of rolling up into a ball
and shaking, unable to make decisions for myself and fearing the worse. I saw
the psychiatrist who gave me the impression she was saying, “pull yourself
together” which did not help. Particularly when she mentioned the treatment
sex offenders get in prison. The next day I was informed that my creditors were
to hold a meeting to appoint a trustee to look into my affairs, in the first
week of August. Just what I needed, more uncertainty. Meanwhile my solicitors
had written to the CPS putting the case that, because of my health and the minor
nature of the case, it would not be in the public interest to proceed with the
charges.
The CPS decided to go ahead anyway and so, on the 9th
August, I appeared in court charged with “possess indecent photo/pseudo-photo
of a child”. This was the first occasion at which either my solicitor or I had
an opportunity to see the pictures. I could not remember seeing any of them
before. The police evidence made it clear that they were downloaded and deleted
on the same day and that it was possible that I had not seen them. Yet they were
on my computer so I had choice but to plead guilty as charged. The CPS pointed
out that I had fully cooperated with the police and helped them considerably
with another case. My solicitors quoted from recent Court of Appeal cases, which
basically said such cases, should not reach the courts. After some discussion in
private, and consultations with their legal advisors they decided to give me a
12-month conditional discharge and ordered me to sign the sex offender’s
register. It was with some relief that I left the courtroom but being labelled a
sex-offender was not what I had hoped for.
Daily I thank God for the support of my friends
throughout this ordeal. They have stood by me every step of the way. I am also
grateful that there were no members of the press present at either of my court
appearances and that nobody, apparently, noticed the announcement of my
bankruptcy, when it was published.
The day before the court case I had visited the Mental
health Nurse appointed to my case and had a long discussion in which it became
clear that the psychiatrist I had seen was actually very worried about my state
of mind. The following week I went back to the nurse and explained how relieved
I felt and yet upset at having to sign the sex-offenders register. She was the
first to explain what this actually meant. I must attend the local police
station to sign the register again, although I had signed it in court, that I
could no longer work with children ever, that I must inform the police whenever
I will be away from home and inform them where I am going and that I cannot stay
or live within half a mile of a school.
That same day I received a letter informing me of the
name of the trustee appointed to take care of my affairs, so I was expecting to
hear from them any day.
Then there was a period when I tried to get some
normality back into my life. I went to Brighton Pride, Pink Punting in Cambridge
and my nieces Wedding which was wonderful. The day Tony really became part of my
family.
On the 16th August I received a letter from
the court stating that a mistake had been made and that I was no longer required
to sign the sex offenders register. I wrote to the police asking them to destroy
my records but it was not until today that I heard that my registration
documentation had been destroyed.
I again saw a psychiatrist at the end of August who was
pleased with my progress and does not want to see me again until November.
At the beginning of September I heard from my employer
that I was still suspended on full pay and that they hoped to call a hearing in
early October to consider my case. I would be given ten days noticed and should
attend to give my side of the story. A friend, solicitor or union representative
could also accompany me. I have heard no more.
In the same post I received a heap of forms to fill in
for my bankruptcy trustee. The usual income and outgoing stuff. I duly filled
these in and sent them off with a covering letter explaining about the
uncertainty with my employment. They wrote back saying to inform them when
things became clearer.
Meanwhile I started to look for jobs and have applied
for one. Again it is a bit of a catch-22 situation. If I am not dismissed from
my current job I need to give half a terms notice but I have said I am ready for
employment on the 1st November. Complicated, if I am offered the job
and not sacked. What do I do?
What to do? I think I’m going mad. Opps, I am mad, I was forgetting.
A date for the disciplinary hearing was sent to me. The
date being the 17th October at the school. I forwarded my evidence to
the school, including this statement. Also made contact with my union
representative who said he couldn’t make that date and so suggested the 25th
October, 10:30 am to the school. Meanwhile I met with my union rep. On the 16th
October. At that meeting it was agreed that, when I received the school’s
evidence, I should send copies of my resignation to the Director of Education
for Warwickshire, The Headteacher of the school and the Chair of Governors. If I
had not received a response to these letters by the date of meeting we would
boycott the hearing. On Friday, 19th
the evidence arrived and I sent off the letters of resignation.
Meanwhile I also received an invitation to attend an
interview of Monday, 29th October for the job of Site Supervisor for
the Minister Housing Association. Yet more catch-22 decisions to be made.
By Wednesday there had been no response to my letters
but I decided to go along to the hearing anyway as I need to get this thing
finished and done with. My union rep. could not accompany as he had assumed we
were not going and had another appointment. Copy of email I sent to my union
rep. after the hearing.
>>I
went along to the hearing. Mainly because I need to get this thing over so that
I can move on and the constant delays is not doing my health any good.
Anyway,
I took a friend with me. The LEA solicitor opened by presenting the
"prosecution". At the end of which my friend asked some questions and
it became clear that nobody had any knowledge of my letter of resignation. The
copies for the Head and the Chairperson of Governors were discovered unopened in
the school office.
After
a short adjournment to discuss this letter the LEA solicitor claimed that the
hearing should go ahead as the date for resignation was end of November, after
the date of the hearing. The Chair was worried at this as the letter was written
and sent before the date of the hearing. The Chair adjourned the hearing until
6pm on Wednesday the 7th September, to enable him to get advice and for me to
arrange representation at that hearing.
It
then became clear, from a governors question, that none of the panel had been
given copies of the evidence I had submitted.<<
Tony
was wonderful as always.
Now
I have to prepare for my interview. I really want this job but what do I do if I
am offered it. Surely life should not be this complicated. Also another visit to
the psychiatrist next Thursday.
Ok, it’s been a long time since I last wrote anything,
and things have moved on. First off, I didn’t get the job nor any of the
others I have applied for in the meantime. People just don’t want to employ
older people nor do they want people with a criminal record but I guess I should
have known that anyway.
As for school, I changed my resignation date to 30th
October and that was accepted but a strange thing happened. All attempts by my
union, or me to contact the headteacher got the response, “He is no longer at
the school”. Strange or what?
So I am now officially unemployed and trying to survive
on the 50 pounds a week the government allows me.
I met my psychiatrist on the 1st November and
he was wonderful, despite the fact I got the times wrong and was an hour late.
We talked through was has been and what could come in the future, decided to
keep me mega-dosing on ventafalxine<sp> and decided to meet again in the
New Year. Also had an appointment with my GP who was far more positive and
encouraging than previously. She even smiled the once.
This being 2001 it has not ended there. At the end of
November I took Tony down to Heathrow airport to catch a flight to Germany. As I
was leaving, through the tunnel, my front suspension collapsed and burnt into a
tyre. Imagine this, Heathrow, big bang and tunnel fills with smoke, a couple
months after September the 11th. There were cops with big butch guns,
fire-engines and ambulances coming from all directions. Still the AA arrived in
record time and towed me back to Northampton. Took four days to get the old
suspension off and two hours to get the new on. Still need a new tyre, but
haven’t the cash at the moment.
Then this last weekend I heard that my niece has lost
the baby she was expecting in the New Year.
Can’t wait for 2002.
Not that 2001 has been all bad. Above all, I have
discovered that I have many real friends who do care about me and love me. They
have all been there, every step of the way with both practical and emotional
support. I don’t know how I will ever be able to thank them enough. I have
also been able to lighten up and enjoy the usual Pride events, parties, meals
out, trips to the theatre and so on. On Christmas day, Tony and I will join
Steve, Nick and the kids. I am really looking forward to that.
Back to the job applications.. more later.
Christmas day with Tony, Steve, Nick and the kids was
great. Kids really make Christmas. Also a super party at Ian and Richards in
Twickenham last night.
In the last week of 2001 I heard that I was not entitled
to “jobseekers allowance” as I quit my job on my own accord. I have ten
pounds in the bank, five in my pocket and twenty cigarettes so I guess the only
way is up.
Am I depressed? Well, some days are better than others,
but thanks to 150mg of venlafaxine daily, I’m getting through.
2001, that was the year that was.
To be continued......
Peter Atkinson