Perry Speech
"Over 40
years of excellence in Forensics"
Read
The Ballad of Steven O'Day!
The Ballad of Steven O’Day
-Based on a True Story-
by M.D. Paternostra
STEVEN O’DAY: Well . . . . after all this time of backpackin’ cross the states, I’ve seen nothin’ more perfect than that candle. Do you see it lads? There in the window—the window of my home. It’s burnin’ for me lads. It’s burnin’ for what I believe. Oh . . . geez! I forgot—where are my manners? (Holds out hand) Steven O’Day, pleased to make your acquaintance!
Well, I can see we’ll be gettin’ along just fine. Like I said about that candle and how it’s burning’ for what I believe. Ya know, I believe in my wife, Katie, and our wee daughters, Molly and Meg, and of course, my religion. My lass, my Katie, awaits my return . . . and I can hear the ruffles of her blouse as she turns to kiss the little O’Days goodnight. Sail off onto the sea of dreams, my little ones. (Chuckles softly to himself) That’s my next stop, friends—Your eyes grow sore for the sight of such things when you’ve been gone half a year.
Even though I miss the family, backpackin’ has its advantages. Stumbled across many odd jobs, I have. Ever seen the movie Braveheart? Yah? Mel Gibson—Australian bloke with blue eyes--you know the one. Well, lads—I did the music for that! What? Ya don’t believe me? Well, I did! Ahhhh, I see the look on your faces ladies. Well, I got a secret: Mel n' I go way back! (laughs—does his casual jig) The thing about strangers is they always think I’m full of malarkey! Can’t change minds ya know! (Stands up to impersonate). Most my friends say "Steven, you’re so full a shite it comes out your ears!" Maybe it does, I don’t know. But the words I speak are the truth, make no question! (laughs) Well lads—got a wee lesson for ye and you can listen if you like—When it comes to the ladies--looks may be deceiving. Ya know how many of us husband-type like to break wind n’ hold our wives heads under the covers? Well, she does that to me! (laughs) "You can’t escape that one Steven," she laughs. N’ lord, I couldn’t if I tried. Her farts are as big as her love. That’s when you know you’re in love, ya know, when ya can break wind in front of each other and not make a face, not crack a smile . . . but follow it with a kiss. I’m serious! Tis true lads! Farts serve more of a purpose than we may think . . . or like to think, for that matter! Breakin’ wind, love’s true test.
(Sighs) I wish I was there with her lads. But ya know, the flame is still dancin’ in the window—still dancin’ in here too. Speakin’ a dancin’. (Does jig and laughs) You ladies think it’s sexy when I do that don’ ya? Ahhh, when I first met Katie—couples partin’ across the dance floor like Moses n’ the Red Sea. I swaggered up n’ I said "Excuse me lass,” (I was a bit drunk) would ye like ta dance?" (dreamy) N’ we danced—Lord Jesus—(brash) she danced like a drunken sailor! Stepped on me feet many times she did . . . I miss those clumsy toes of hers I do. We’ll dance again though—not a doubt in my mind.
Well, you know my Katie. She’s always been one who supports all my dreams. A man must dream ya know. Well, I went to her n’ said, "Katie-o, I want to build a pub—it’s been my dream to have a place that our friends n’ family will come to—that we can dance n’ be merry! Molly n’ Meagan would love it! You could work in it, Katie—it would . . ." "Steven," she said, "whatever makes you happy, you silly little man." N’ she laughed, her blue eyes sparklin’. Well, ya know I built that pub, I did. N’ it was beautiful. Beautiful as my wife on a summer eve, with the shadows from our fireplace making love on the walls, and my two little angels making magic in the tree tops of their dreams. (Long pause—Steven begins staring off into the distance.)
(O’Day changes his jovial mood, he is dead serious. He seems to be confronting someone we cannot see.) Sir, excuse me Sir. I want to talk to ya—want to ask you a question. Did ya see me leave, Sir? Go'in ta get em gifts for Christmas time, I was. Did my wife serve ya with that knowin’ smile she always had? Did my little ones run in to tell their Ma that they’d made the perfect snowman, and she better come out n’ look before the neighborhood boys knocked it to the ground? (pause) It happened didn’t it, sir, didn’t it? . . . You knowing that I was a Catholic, n’ you a Protestant. I must say, it made no matter to me sir. But it did matter when I returned to see the flames consuming my dreams! Ya’ know that was my entire life in that fiery little box. And you killed them.
What were you thinking, Sir?! The packages falling from my hands into the snow. That bomb you carried made no distinction between love and hate—little girls and loving wives! I sometimes wonder if they saw it before it went off? Did they run to the door?! Or did they hug each other with all the love they had in them? Did you laugh—did you laugh you merciless bastard!? Sir, I want to put my shaking hands around your head, and rip away your ears! Rip them clean away. Did you look into their cryin’ blue eyes before you unleashed hell? Did you even know that those eyes were blue Sir?! And that those eyes once looked on me as a father n’ husband? Well, I did.
Sorry lads, for ya see—With every step I get closer to that candle, and my family.(pause) With every step . . . Dance with me Katie-O. Dance with me, please. (As he sings he pats her head and hair.) "Lookin down the tide of no return, is a field where the crops no longer grow—Parched was the land, strangled and be-damned—there for the grace of God. (clench fists as she disappears) Go I . . ."
Works Cited
O’Day, Steven. Chance Meeting. 15 Dec. 2000.
Flogging Molly. “Swagger.” Santa Monica: Compact Disc,
1997.