IRON METAL NOTES

I was reading a while back about this guy called Mingering Mike who, back in the 70s, created a whole fictional

recording career for himself and his friends.  He hand-painted album covers and disc labels and recorded a cappella 

cassettes of his original compositions.  It got me thinking back to my own imaginary music career, as Yugoslavian

heavy metal singer/guitarist Jim Rock, leader of the band Iron Metal.  

The germ of the idea was formed during repeated viewings of a videotaped nightclub performance by the Swiss heavy

metal band Krokus, a program shown innumerable times on the fledgling USA network during 1982.  By December

of that year, I had developed a minor obsession with the show, especially frontman Mark Storace’s mangled attempts 

at stereotypical heavy metal between-song patter (“See this little shitty newspaper bit?  The Brooklyn Zoo rocks

tonight!”)  After watching it with my best friend, Tim, we hit on the idea of forming our own imaginary metal band.  

The idea was to be from an even less likely country of origin than Switzerland, so we made our “band” natives of 

Yugoslavia and gave them the cleverly redundant name Iron Metal.  

I had only started teaching myself guitar a year earlier and still couldn’t play chords.  A friend had shown me an open 

E tuning, and I'd developed a small amount of skill for making a bar across all six strings and moving from one fret to 

another without pausing too long to think about it.  Tim and I took turn writing lyrics, using the four-line-verse-four-line-

chorus template of the first Ramones album and concentrating on the most metal-oriented subjects we could think of—

sex, alcohol, drugs, the devil, policemen and their nuts, and bridges engulfed in steam—all expressed in the English-as-

a-second-language style of Krokus.

I hastily picked out a sequence of “chords” for each song and wrote down a number to represent the appropriate fret 

on which to lay my meaty ring finger.  Then I plugged my no-name hollow-body electric guitar (purchased in a pawnshop

a year earlier) into my distortion device—an old cassette deck which wouldn't play tapes anymore but could still pass 

a signal—and sent the output into a retired home stereo amplifier which pumped 10 watts per channel into an old pair 

of car stereo speakers that I’d inherited.  Two mikes were plugged into my new cassette deck, and Tim and I made 

like two wacky Zagreb-born rock stars for around 11 minutes.

Who knew 1982 would be such a banner year for imaginary metal?  That was the year that three American comic 

actors and technically proficient musicians—alumni of the Credibility Gap and the National Lampoon shows—and 

TV's “Meathead” were in L.A. shooting a feature-length improv comedy about the declining fortunes of a once-hot 

British hard rock band; a continent and an ocean away, some of the leading lights of the British “New Wave of 

Comedy” were making a short film for the ‘Comic Strip Presents...’ series, concerning a barely competent young 

band in the Def Leppard mode.  Meanwhile, in my bedroom in my parents’ house in northeast Alabama, two musically 

challenged hillbillies were conjuring up minimalist metal with our two growly voices and one poorly played guitar.

Perhaps the most shocking aspect of all this is not that we were both legal adults at the time of this first Iron Metal 

session, but that we continued to make recordings in this vein for the next nine years.  (I eventually learned how to play 

actual chords!)  

When I listen to these early recordings now, it’s difficult for me to separate them from the severe head injury I suffered 

in a car wreck a few months before Iron Metal was born.  My period of recovery was a scary and disorienting time, 

but it turned out to be quite productive.  I made several new and enduring friendships then, and my altered brain 

chemistry allowed me to devote a surprising amount of time and energy to the kind of idea that normally would have 

been nothing more than a throwaway gag in a soon-to-be-forgotten conversation.

The material you have here represents a triple-album set (in just under 30 minutes!) composed of the group’s first set 

of recordings, the 11-minute ‘Iron Metal I’ from December 1982, along with the more ambitious double-album set 

‘Rock on the Hole’ from about six months later.  Much as George Michael’s UK solo hit “Careless Whisper” was 

released in the States as a Wham! record to help build brand-name recognition, this Jim Rock solo album is now 

being released under the Iron Metal banner.  I apologize to any purists who have been offended.

Perry Amberson

April 20, 2004

_________________________________________________________________

IRON METAL I (1982)

 

1.       “Rock the Cops to Town”  (Rock)              

 

Gone drinkin’ the whiskey bar[1]

And crash the rockin’ car

The police chase our guts[2]

Swinging their police nuts[3]

 

            Gonna rock – rock the cops to town

            Gonna rock the cops to town

 

 

2.       “Whiskey Wine Woman”  (Rock)

 

My woman is big and strong

She loves to rock and roll

She drinks the whiskey down

And wine is in her soul

 

            Whiskey wine woman – so Goddamn fine

            You’re my woman – whiskey wine

 

 

3.       “Love of My Woman”  (Head – Rock)

 

I love this girl, oh yes I do

And when I’m not lovin’ I get too blue

My woman, my love, my mind

 

            My woman

We make love every night

            My woman

Makin’ love is so right

 

 

4.  “Get Rockin’”  (Head – Rock)

 

Hey everybody

Come in tonite

We all get rockin’

Rock the daylight

If you know this,

Rock is o.k.

Get rockin’

But we all rock this way

           

            Say it – rock, rock, rock, etc.

 

 

5.        “Cocaine Nose”  (Rock)

 

Rock and roll this cocaine nose

Party all the night

Is in all of our souls

Cocaine we get it right

 

            Cocaine – powder lover

            Cocaine – my only lover

 

 

6.       “Devil Hell”  (Rock)

 

Gotta burn – burn in Devil Hell

Burn – ’cause I did not act all well

Devil stick me with his fork

’Cause Hell is the Devil’s sport

 

            Goin’ to Devil Hell

            Burn – I was not well

 

 

7.       “Steaming Bridge”  (Rock)

 

Don’t walk over Steaming Bridge

Is where my family dies

Not on that Steaming Bridge

Is all the Devil’s cries

           

            Steaming Bridge – you take my home away

            Steaming Bridge – I always want to stay

 

 

_________________________________________________________________

ROCK ON THE HOLE (1983)

(All Songs Written by Jim Rock)

 

1.       “Rock on the Stage”[4]

 

Rockin’ on the stage tonight

Everybody audience rocks

Bitches sweating wet hot tits[5]

Rockin’ mans with many beards

 

            Rock is on the stage tonight

            We don’t give a Hell

            Rock yourself o.k. tonight

            We are not all well

 

 

2.       “There Is a Hole”/“The Fall”[6]

 

Iron Metal really rocks

On the Zagreb stage[7]

Jim Rock just does not see

The hole in front of him

 

He falls into the longest hole

That any man has seen

And Leather Head is looking

In the hole and saying, “Damn!”[8]

 

            The fall it is a long way

For rockin’ Jim to go

The fall it is a long way

And it is not all slow

 

3.       “Jim on the Bottom”

 

Here is the bottom I am at

I don’t know what I see

Is it from drugs that I have take

Or just a fantasy[9]

 

            I’m on the bottom

            Where can I be

            Who will save me

            From this destiny

 

 

4.       “Hole Man Is Here”

 

While I lay upon the ground

The middle of the earth[10]

A little man walk up to me

He is two feet tall

 

            I am the Hole Man

            Follow me to Hole Land

            I am here to help

            So you won’t be on the shelf

 

 

5.       “I Will Follow”[11]

 

I will follow Hole Man

To his tiny home

There is also a Devil Hell[12]

Not far from his home

 

            I will follow you

            But not near Devil Hell

            I will go to Hole Land

            But only if is well

 

 

6.       “Devil Man Looks at Me”[13]

 

While I laid asleep that night

In my Hole Land shack

Feel the Hottest Fire breath[14]

Is the Devil on my back

 

            Takes me to Devil Hell

            I never seen

            Always in Devil Hell

            Is just a dream

 

 

7.       “Rock ’n’ Roll Hell”[15]

 

Here is Jimi Hendrix

Here is Janis Joplin

Here is Jim Morrison

Here is Elvis Presley

Here is Jim Rock in…[16]

 

            Rock ’n’ Roll Hell – got to stay

            Rock ’n’ Roll Hell – no two ways

 

 

8.       “Hole Man Is Back”

 

Here I am in Devil Hell

With the stars of old

Little Hole Man yells my name

“Jim Rock, come along!”

 

            Hole Man – he is back

            To put me on the right track

            This has got to be

            A new reality

9.       “Dust in the Wind”[17]

 

Back in Hole Land

I am alone

There is no ring

No telephone

I think, yes, now

Of many things

And of my home

And everything

 

            People are just like dust in the wind

            People are just women and men

            People us are dust in the wind

            Every since people begin[18]

 

 

10.   “Meanwhile on the Surface of the Earth”

 

Meanwhile on the surface of the earth

Leather Head watches his bitch-wife give birth

It is a man baby – with a cock

Leather says, “We’ll call him – Jim Rock!”[19]

 

 

11.   “We Got to Have Jim Back”

 

Out on the streets of the city

Iron Metal fans are so gritty

And on every street in the city

Iron Metal fans sing so pretty…

           

“We got to have Jim back

            With not him the world is black

            Jim Rock is got to return

            Or the city we all burn

            Burn, burn, burn, burn”[20]

 

12.   “City’s Burning”[21]

 

City is on fire you know

Iron Metal fans burn it down

Because we have to get Jim back

Nothin’ too strong for this rock ’n’ roll crown[22]

 

            City’s burning – is on fire

            City’s burning – like a wire[23]

 

 

13.   “Stop This You Kids”[24]

 

Stop this you kids

Something will be done

Jim Rock will be saved

And every one

 

I am a Government Man

Who always speaks

Now I will send for

The Genius of Sheets

 

 

14.   “Genius of Sheets”[25]

 

Here I come to save the day[26]

Seven of them are a weeks[27]

I know everything like that

I’m the genius of sheets

I know how to save Jim Rock

The king of rock ’n’ roll

We tie all the sheets together

Drop them in the hole

            The Genius of Sheets

            He is the hero of the day

            He will save Jim Rock

            And then will go away

 

 

15.   “Give Us Your Sheets”[28]

 

Iron Metal fans demand to you

Give us all of your sheets

We need them for a mighty dude

Jim Rock is who we speak

           

            Give us your sheets

            Rock ‘n’ Roll

            Give us your sheets

            Whiskey bowl

 

 

16.   “Here Are the Sheets”[29]

 

Everyone around the world

Giving up the sheets

Save Jim Rock before too late

All the people speaks

 

            Here are the sheets[30]

            Save Jim Rock

            These are the sheets

            Do not stop

            (Repeat 40 Times)[31]

17.   “The Rescue”

 

The sheets are all together

To be thrown in the hole

Leather Head is here too

Screaming rock ‘n’ roll

 

“Jim Rock will be saved

            Because it has to be

            And when he is saved

            Will rock ’n’ roll with me”[32]

 

 

18.   “Down in the Hole”[33]

 

The sheets go down into the hole

And fast do they fall down

But then we see something is wrong

No one held the other end

 

            Oh my god – the sheets are gone[34]

            What can we do now

            Oh my god – Jim Rock is still

            Way down inside the hole

 

 

19.   “We Have the Magic”

 

I am Jim Rock sitting in Hole Land

I see the falling sheets

And then I see the other end

What will I do, oh my god

 

Then the Hole Man comes to me

And says we can help you

We’ll use our magic power

To send you out the hole

 

            “Yes we have the magic[35]

            Because we wanted to

            We will use the magic

            Just to help you”

 

 

20.   “Coming Up”[36]

 

Here I come up through the hole

I pass the layers of earth

I’m coming out the hole now

There is the entire earth

 

There is Leather Head

His bitch and little child

The baby says, “I’m Jim Rock”[37]

I just say, “Oh my god”

 

            Coming up out of the hole

            Here’s the world and rock ’n’ roll

            Iron Metal rocks again

            Metal men will rock till when

 

 

21.   “What Was It Like”[38]

 

All the people ask me

What was it like in the hole

All that I can tell them

There was no rock ’n’ roll

 

There was Hole Land and Devil Hell

And all the little Hole Men

I only know that if I do

I won’t go back again

           

            What was it like

            You don’t smoke, you don’t drink

            Don’t ask about my sex life

            I’ll hit you again

22.  “Rock and Roll Reunion”[39]

 

We are back together

Jim Rock and Leather Head

Rock and roll forever

Until we both are dead

 

With little Jim Rock junior

Playing rocking drums[40]

And Leather Head’s bitch-wife

Dancing to the drums

 

            Rock ’n’ roll reunion

            Forever rock ’n’ roll

            Rock ’n’ roll somebody

            Cover up the hole

 

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

 

FOOTNOTES:

 

1.       Probably inspired by David Bowie’s 1980 version of “Alabama Song”

 

2.       A Pidgin English variation on the expression “I hate your guts.”

 

3.       A weapon I imagined might be used by Yugoslavian policemen.

 

4.       The high-pitch vocalizing on some of these songs was definitely inspired by Rush, whose “Tom Sawyer” and “Limelight” were in heavy rotation on MTV in those days.  You can hear Tim laughing when I achieve maximum Geddyleeness in “There Is a Hole.”

 

5.       In the world of imaginary Yugoslavian metal, “bitch” is not intended as a pejorative term.  It is roughly equivalent to “chick,” which women love being called.  Right?

 

6.       A titular tribute to Manchester, England’s The Fall, one of my favorite bands at the time.

 

7.       Zagreb was chosen as Iron Metal’s hometown in honor of Yugoslavia’s Zagreb Film.  I was especially fond of their “Maxi-Cat” cartoons which I saw on PBS’s ‘International Animation Festival’ in the mid-70s.

 

8.       Though this is officially a Jim Rock solo album, this is the first of Leather Head’s many guest appearances.

 

9.       A reference to Aldo Nova’s early MTV staple “Fantasy.”

 

10.   Perhaps an unconscious Tolkien reference or a reference to Zeppelin’s Tolkien references.  I read one of those books in junior high school, but I can’t remember which one.

 

11.   Title and intro lifted from U2’s first American single release.

 

12.   Reference to my own “Devil Hell” from ‘Iron Metal I.’

 

13.   Sung to the tune of “Devil Hell.”

 

14.   A reference to fellow imaginary Yugoslavian band Hot Fire, a creation of my friend Chuck Miller.  Their fictional members included The Rock Man, Eating Bob Klortchner, and The Purple Kidney.  They were never recorded, but Iron Metal did once perform a cover version of their song “Sex Bitch Behind.”

 

15.   I attempted to represent each artist instrumentally, but my limited technical ability rendered the musical references unrecognizable.  The quotes are, in order of appearance, from “Purple Haze,” “Tell Mama,” “Light My Fire,” “Hound Dog,” and “Steaming Bridge.” 

 

16.   The idea for having Jim see himself among the dead rock stars was inspired by Tex Ritter’s “I Dreamed of a Hillbilly Heaven.”  “Tex Ritter?  And that’s when I woke up…”

 

17.   Title and chord change appropriated from the philosophical ballad by Kansas.  I hope my version is even more pregnant with meaning than theirs.

 

18.   That’s a little inside joke for the Southerners.  I swear I’ve heard people back in Alabama say “every since.”

 

19.   Leather sings again.

 

20.   And again.

 

21.   Title lifted from a god-awful Heart song that was played on MTV around this time.

 

22.   An attempted quote from Def Leppard’s “Photograph.”  According to the printed lyric that I Googled recently, the long-misunderstood line is “Look what you’ve done to this rock ‘n’ roll clown.”  I still prefer my interpretation.

 

23.   There really ought to be a law against songwriters using rhymes like that without irony.  Also, “girl-world” and “heart-start.”

 

24.   Dig the Yugoslavian authority figure accent.  I am available for cartoon voice work.

 

25.   Title probably inspired by the Tom-Tom Club’s “Genius of Love.”

 

26.   First line lifted from the “Mighty Mouse” theme.

 

27.   He knows how many days are in a week.  Yep, he’s just that smart.

 

28.   Speaking of The Fall, around the end of the 70s Mark E. Smith created a subgenre of Fall material—generally songs with simple 2/4 rhythms—he called C ’n’ N music (for Country ’n’ Northern).  You might say that much of this album (the “Hole Man” songs, the “Sheets” songs, and “Stop This You Kids”) is my unconscious attempt at creating C ’n’ EE music (Country ’n’ Eastern European).

 

29.   Sung to the tune of the previous song.

 

30.   More vocal contributions from Leather Head.  You can’t have a big singalong without at least one person singing along.

 

31.   That’s the instruction on the original lyric sheet.  On the recording it’s only repeated 16 times.  I either lost count or got tired.

 

32.   More Leather Head.

 

33.   Another “borrowed” song title, this one from a track on The Rolling Stones’ ‘Emotional Rescue’ LP.

 

34.   Again with the Leather Head.

 

35.   And yet again.

 

36.   Song title from Paul McCartney’s 1980 solo hit.

 

37.   Voice of Baby Jim Rock is provided simultaneously by Jim and Leather.  Maybe the baby has two heads.

 

38.   Lyrically, rhythmically, and, uh… yodellically inspired by Adam and the Ants, specifically “Goody Two Shoes” in which the pop star imagines that people are interested in his personal affairs.

 

39.   Coming full circle, our last song is sung to the tune of the very first Iron Metal song, “Rock the Cops to Town.”

 

40.   Pardon me if I enjoy a chuckle at the thought of a newborn baby playing drums for a heavy metal band.  It’s comedy writing of that caliber that made me what I am today, an entry-level clerical worker.