computer jokes
1
Grandmother: Where is my sloppy disk
User: I want 2 download e internet do I need a bigger hard disk? (click here for info)
Customer: "Should I hit e letter zero or the number zero?"
Sales Clerk: SCSI has 50 pins, and parallel only has 25, so it's twice as fast!
Support: We r open 24 hours.
Customer: Eastern time?
2
A Priest was addressing his congregation: "I do not mind if someone looks at their
watch during my sermon. What upsets me terribly is when they shake it and start shaking it
in order 2 C if it is still working."
Jim and Mary were both patients at a mental hospital. One day while they were walking
past e hospital swiming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into e deep end, sank 2 e bottom and
stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in 2 save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim
out. When the medical director heard of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her 2 be
discharged as she was considered to be mentally stable. "Mary i have good & bad
news", said the director. "The good news is that U R being discharged and e bad
news is Jim after U saved him hung himself in e bathroom I'm sorry but he is dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there 2 dry."
A wife woke up in e mddle of e night 2 find her husband miising 4m e bed, found him
sobbing 4m e basement. After switching on e light she asked him "honey, what's
wrong?", "well remember 20 years ago, i got u pregnant and ur father threatened
me with marrying u or 20 years in jail". Yes e wife said and e husband in his sobbing
said "Well, I would have bn released tonight."
A strong young man @ a construction company site was bragging that he could outdo any1
in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of 1 of e older workmen. After
several minutes, e loder worker had had enough. "Y don't u put ur money where ur
mouth is?, I'll bet u a week's wages that i can haul something in a wheelbarrow over 2
that building that u wont be able 2 wheel back."he said "U r on old man," e
braggart replied, The old man reached 4 e wheelbarrow by e handles & nodding 2 e young
man said 2 e young man "All right, get in."
A client who felt his legal bill was 2o high requested 4 an itemised statement 4m his
lawyer, "Was walking down e street & saw u on e other side. Walked 2 e corner 2
cross @ e light, crosed & walked wuickly 2 catch up w u. Got close & saw it wasn't
u $500.
A man slow down and went thru on a stop sign. e policeman stopped him a couple of
blocks down e street and asked 4 license, registration book and insurance. "B4 I give
u tell me what e heck u stopped mi 4?" "Watch ur tone sir! u ran thru a
stop sign back there" "I slowed down what e heck is ee difference"
"ok" said e mr policeman, pulled out a stick and started beating e driver on e
head and asked "do u want me 2 slowdown or stop"
3
- Stupidity doesn't count as a handicap, park elsewhere
