| B-Sides The 17 minute folk (for lack of a better word) song on the b- side of God Bless Militant Imperialism was recorded in Cap'n Inconspicuous' bathroom in March 2000. The 45 minute cover (for lack of a better word) of Islands in the Stream on the b-side of Songs About Cats, Yo was recorded in Garrett's room in our house in Arcata in April 2001. Incidentally, we've done an 11 minute cover of I Put a Spell on You that would fit nicely on a B-Sides/Rarities type album. 11 + 45 +17 = 73. That would fit on a CD. And our first album is 37 minutes long, and our second album is 45 minutes long, which makes 82 minutes. I don't know if that would fit on a CD, but if it did it could be combined with the B-Sides for a double CD and it could be released on every single record label in North America to meet the incredible demand that swell up to greet us and we would get millions of dollars and candy and lollipops and sex and our own sitcom and we would be the most popular band in the whole world and people in Yugoslavia would love us and we would go to Yugoslavia and play a show there and then we would go to Madagascar because we would be popular there too and we would be so popular everywhere that every single label in the whole wide whole wide world would have to release our album because the demand would be so great starving children would trade bowls of rice for our albums prostitutes of all countries would have a massive fixation with us by the way and we would be the first band elected to Congress and we would make everyone in Congress have to be in a band and we would tell them that if their bands sucked they would get thrown out of Congress and they'd probably all start sucky bands and pretty soon we'd kick everyone out and then all our friends could come and party in Congress and the Senate would go "fucking Congress" and send people over to make us be quiet, but we'd say shut the fuck up you retards every state gets exactly two senators that's so retarded why don't I have two senators for that matter and they would go yeah I guess I see your point wow when you put it that way how can I go on being in the senate when it's such unequal representation hell it's barely representation at all fuck the senate this is retarded and they'd all leave and go home except strom thurmond and he'd beat us with his cane but he'd get tired and he would leave and go home and then we'd go woo hoo we're congress and we'd get rid of all the dumb laws and the world would become a utopia owing mostly to the perpetual elvis machine and no one would ever go hungry or be sad and everyone would go oh god how i love that perpetual elvis machine they're better than god they're better than god they're better than god fuck god there is no god there is only the perpetual elvis machine perpetual elvis machine perpetual elvis machine oh perpetual elvis machine forgive me my sins i am so unworthy forgive me forgive me forgive and we'd say there is nothing to forgive gentle child arise off that floor and go live a happy life with no shame and misery and we would lay our magic hands upon their forehead and they would go o! o! o! o! o! o! o! yes! o! o! o! yes! and go be happy forever just like the rest of the world because we are so cool so cool so cool it could all happen just buy our albums buy 50 of our albums have your friends buy 50 of our albums and you can help usher in buy 5000 albums a golden age which will never ever buy 30000 albums end until the universe ends but maybe buy a million billion quadrillion albums that won't even happen because in our beautiful utopia we will cultivate such awesome science that we will prolong the universe forever and we'll harness the power of black holes and time travel back to meet ourselves like bill and ted and tell ourselves all kinds of cool stuff and then we'll be even cooler and so even more popular and so the world will be even better and we'll have even more cool stuff to tell ourselves and it will just keep going and going and going on like that getting better and better and it can happen it will happen it must happen it should happen but not unless you buy our goddamn album fuckhead buy it or i'll shove strom thurmond up your ass and strangle you with no i'm sorry wait i'm sorry i don't mean to be rude everyone gets all mad and aggressive once in a while look aww don't cry you know i love you i can't stand to see you cry i hate myself so much when i make you cry i'm not telling you that to make you feel sorry for me i'm telling you because well i don't know i don't have a big master plan for everything i say please here let me dry those tears and give you a hug there that's better it feels so good when your body's up against mine i love you i love you so much god i love you you love me too you forgive me that's great you're so understanding i'm so lucky to be with you let me run my hand down your thigh and touch you you're so sexy you're incredibly hot i've never met anyone prettier at this moment there is nothing i want more in this world that to be inside you to caress you to lick and suck you my love i love you so much kiss me ohhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhh yes you're so cute yes you are don't be modest you're the goshdarn cutest thing i've ever seen i love you so much so buy our albums please. |