| Quotes |
| --- You are what you read, right? ....a few inspirational lines, care of the genious of people who atre not me. |
"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worst than the conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. But, it only takes 4 muscles in your arm to slap 'em up side the head. "Americans have different ways of saying things. They say `elevator', we say `lift'...they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic git'...." -- Alexi Sayle Lunacy is a gift of the Gods...." ....Rich Andes. "I don't necessarily agree with everything I say." -- Marshall McLuhan ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ If mean people suck, nice people swallow. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done."-- Ernie Kovacs ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."--Marty Feldman. How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail, And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin, How neatly spreads his claws, And welcomes little fishes in With gently smiling jaws! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "The time has come," the Walrus said, To talk of many things: Of shoes-and ships-and sealing wax-Of cabbages-and kings- and why the sea is boiling hot-and whether pigs have wings." The certain proof that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that no one has bothered to make contact with us "Life...it's like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you ever get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but they're gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. You end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. If you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."--Smoking Man, The X-Files "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill." the occupational safety & health administration (osha) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at one time, unless i install handrails or safety straps. if you're here to ride my ass, please take a number and wait your turn!! When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harass vain women than motorbike gangs. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Even if the voices are not real, they have some real good ideas. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Erotica is what turns 'me' on. Pornography is what turns 'you' on, you poor sick bastard you... I can't come to work today, the voices said to stay home and clean the guns. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person. "I am the wisest man in Athens because I know I don't know. I am only singularly ignorant. The rest of the citizens are twice ignorant. They think they know, but they still don't know."--Plato Do the voices in my head bother you? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I like the way your mind malfunctions ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ If someone ever catches you talking to yourself, the best thing to do is point at a chair and say, "He started it!" That way they won't think you're crazy.--Craig Stacey I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. That's the way it goes. The moments that change your life are the ones that happen suddenly, like the one where you die. --Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you my first name is Bad," --Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words. --Terry Pratchett, Small Gods ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The trouble with being a god is that you've no one to pray to. --Terry Pratchett, Small Gods ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop, don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said "Like what?" I said "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said "Religious." I said "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said "Christian." I said "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said "Protestant." I said "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said "Baptist!" I said "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist church of the lord?" He said "Baptist Church of God!" I said "Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god or reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said "Me too! Are you reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said "Die heretic scum," and pushed him off. ...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A Truck!" I went to school, ya know. I went to grammar school and once we were taking a test and I was copying this other kid's paper, and I guess the teacher heard my Xerox machine. She said, "Emo, am I stupid or were you cheating?," and I said, "Ah, yes and no." She sends me to the principal's office and I get there and sit down and he looks at me and says, "Emo, Emo, Emo." I said, "I'm the one in the middle, you drunken slob." He said, "Emo, how would you like to repeat the fifth grade?" I said, "I don't know if I could do it exactly, but I could try." He said, "I could expel you!" I said, You'll have to catch and eat me first, ya weirdo." He said, "Emo, you'll have to see the school psychologist." And I said, "But why do I have to see the school psychologist?" So he shows me the petition. So I went to the psychologist and he says, "Emo, what does this inkblot look like to you?" I said, "Well, it's kind of embarrassing." He said, "Emo, everyone sees something silly. Don't be embarrassed. Tell me, what does this inkblot look like to you?" I said, "Well, uh, to me, um, it looks like, uh, standard pattern number 3 in the Rorshach series to test obsessive compulsiveness." And he got kind of depressed, so I said, "OK, it's a butterfly." And he cheered up. "And what does this inkblot look like?" I said it looks like a horrible, ugly blob of pure evil, that sucks the souls of men into a vortex of sin and degradation." He said, "No, uh the inkblots over there, that's a photo of my wife you're looking at." "Oh, was I far off?" He said, "No, that's the sad part." And he gave me a chocolate Easter bunny and I ate the bunny, then I thought, hey, this isn't Easter. "Is this a test?" And he said, "Yes." "And what does it mean?" He said, "Had you eaten the ears first you would have been normal. Had you eaten the feet first you would have had an inferiority complex. Had you eaten the tail first you would have had latent homosexual tendencies and had you eaten the breasts first you would have had a latent oedipal complex." "Well... go on, what does it mean when you bite out the eyes and scream 'stop staring at me?'" He said, "It means you have a tendency towards self destruction." I said, "Well, what do you recommend?" He said, "Go for it I'll get a life when someone demonstrates that it would be superior to what I have now. |