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Chicago Tribune

February 20, 1994

SEX ABUSE SURVIVORS DEDICATED TO HELPING OTHERS BEGIN THE HEALING

Author: Paula Lauer. Special to the Tribune.

Edition: FINAL EDITION
Section: TEMPO NORTHWEST
Page: 1

Index Terms:
SUBURB
ISSUE
SEX
ABUSE
GROUP
SUPPORT

Estimated printed pages: 5

Article Text:

When Paula Amenta set out to write a book, she knew ahead of time there wouldn't be a big-name publisher. She knew it probably wouldn't be viewed as best-seller material, and it certainly wouldn't give her much fame since her name wouldn't even be on the cover.

The West Dundee resident also understood that while some might find hope within the pages of this five-year endeavor, others might be just as likely to hide their copy in shame.

Feelings of hope, shame, fear or maybe a little of each are common, Amenta said, but if you're an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse, the most important message you can get from this book is that you're not alone

Titled "Healing Resources for Recovery from Sexual Abuse, the 1994 Book of Local and National Resources Pertaining to Recovery from Sexual Abuse and Related Issues," it is being published and distributed by PILOT, a support group in Elgin for survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

A survivor herself, Amenta, 31, is on the board of PILOT and is the group's program coordinator. She'll be introducing the book Saturday at PILOT's annual survivors' workshop at the First Baptist Church, 1735 W. Highland Ave. in Elgin (call 708-931-6736 for more information).

As for that important message, it's one Amenta and the vast network of survivors throughout the northwest suburbs is hoping to spread, not only through the resource guide, but within the nurturing atmosphere of support groups like PILOT, which have been forming over the past 10 years.

According to Sandi Rueger, a therapist in South Elgin who also is on the board of PILOT, the whole concept of what has been called the "survivor's movement" is fairly new.

"Ten years ago we didn't even have a definition of what sexual abuse is," she said. The survivors' movement "started developing with different therapists in their offices with their own clients, and in the past five years it's really just exploded in the media."

Rueger noted recent statistics show that one out of three females and one out of eight males is sexually abused by the time they're 18, though figures in urban areas go as high as 62 percent for females, she said.

The definition of childhood sexual abuse includes any kind of sexual interaction, she said, from explicit forms of physical contact to inappropriate looks or comments.

"When we're talking about children, their sexual identity is defined emotionally, psychologically and physically," explained Dan Bero, a Geneva-based psychologist and a charter board member of PILOT (Patience, Integrity, Love, Opportunity, Trust). "Sexual abuse is the crossing of any of those boundaries which a child innately has that defines their sexuality."

The effects of childhood sexual abuse later in life can be devastating, Bero said. "When an adult crosses a child's sexual boundaries . . . it just destroys trust for one," he said. "Being able to trust becomes a very, very frightening thing."

And, because children have a limited ability to deal with such an ongoing trauma, they tend to internalize their feelings, which eventually leads to self-hatred, depression "and just a ton of anxiety," Bero said, "anxiety that a person may not even know where it's coming from. It can result in periodic panic attacks, again, not knowing where it's coming from, nightmares. . . . It can result in pretty severe sexual dysfunction, eating disorders and isolation."

Because isolation is obviously something that's difficult to deal with in private counseling, Rueger said the support groups like PILOT play a big role in helping people to start trusting again.

And it's been one of Amenta's missions to light the way not only for survivors (most of whom are women), but their family and friends.

"Many women who begin to deal with their sexual abuse issues are married, and their husbands don't have a clue what's going on and they feel like they've just been invited to take a roller coaster ride through hell with their wife and they have no idea where they're going," she said. "I've often been asked, `Is there a book that my husband can read?' or `Are there groups for my husband?' so that they can get some support. If your wife's in therapy two or three times a week and she's having flashbacks and nightmares and all this kind of stuff, you need someone to talk to. So that's another thing that's in the resource guide."

Amenta noted that while the book's 50-plus pages include extensive listings for books, newsletters, hotlines and counseling services, it also provides contacts for the six support groups besides PILOT that form the backbone of the adult survivors' network in the northwest suburbs.

These groups meet monthly in Oak Brook, Naperville, Gurnee, Chicago, Batavia and Arlington Heights. While they each have their own governing board and program schedule, they all follow the same meeting format and guidelines for confidentiality.

Bero feels one of the biggest benefits groups like this can offer survivors is validation.

"It helps a person to get some validation that they're not nuts," he said, "that all these feelings that they have are normal responses to sexual trauma."

Joyce Davis of Elgin, one of PILOT's co-founders, agreed. "One of the things you need when you are in counseling is a network of support people. . . . There's that affirmation of things that you learn about yourself that others have gone through."

Bero said another benefit of the groups and the annual workshops they offer is "it helps people to understand what the healing process looks like. I think that's real important. Like, what is a flashback? They may have been having these for years and not known what they are. What's a panic attack? What do I do with these memories? It gives people coping skills right in the here-and-now to deal with situations, which I think is invaluable. You're kind of giving them a road map, which people

Davis said meetings generally consist of a planned program such as a guest speaker, panel discussion or film. Topics range from guest speakers sharing their own stories to sexual tension in marriage to preparing for the holidays. Following the presentation, there are refreshments, and those who wish to stay break into small groups to talk about the presentation.

"It's not a therapy group," Davis stressed, noting that the groups don't expect or even allow survivors to stand up and tell their story.

"In the support group, you don't talk about your own stuff as such," said Phyllis Froehle of Lemont, one of the original members of CUACSA (Christians United Against Childhood Sexual Abuse), the first support group formed in Oak Brook 10 years ago and the woman responsible for helping to start PILOT and the other groups.

Unlike 12-step groups and other forms of group therapy, "There is no therapy going on in a support group," she said. "We try very hard not to get in situations where someone is going to get very triggered, very stirred up. After we have a program, we have optional reaction groups led by trained facilitators . . . but you can come and just listen to the program and leave if you want to."

Froehle, who is also a survivor of sexual abuse, is president of Voices in Action, the largest membership organization in the world for adult survivors, and president of the board of directors at the Westmont Christian Counseling Center. She said another key to the success of these groups is the survivors who have reached a point in their recovery where they'll begin reaching out and helping others. It's this interaction, she said, that gives the whole movement its strength.

Rueger agreed.

"I think that people who are survivors have a way of imparting hope that other professionals just can't," Rueger said. "It's just on a different level. I can tell people, `Look, I've worked with this many people, and the pain does lessen and things do get better,' and I can tell them all these things, and I think it helps for them to know and to get reassured by a professional . . . but then to hear it from a survivor who's actually been there, it hits them on a completely different level and it can really give them a sense of hope and expectation.

"It's very positive. I think for people like Paula and Joyce, and all the other survivors who are working with PILOT and the other groups like this, it's an important part of their healing. . . . I think it's a very important and essential part of the whole movement to have the survivors actively participating like this.

"I found that the survivors on the board are the ones who are really carrying the load," she added

Caption:
PHOTO: Joyce Davis (left), Sandi Rueger and Paula Amenta work on a resource manual for child-abuse survivors as part of a movement that has taken hold in the last five years. Photo by John Giannini.
PHOTO

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