![]() How is he today?� I asked quietly, hesitating outside the door, one hand on the brass doorknob. ����������� She smiled bravely, but the smile
never reached her eyes. ����������� �Oh, about the same as usual,� she
said lightly, �he�d be glad to see you. You know that.� Her last words held a
trace of bitterness, and I couldn�t blame her for that. I suppose she just
couldn�t understand why her dying child rejected the family, and welcomed a
stranger instead. ����������� But she wouldn�t keep me away. She
loved him too much for that. ����������� I simply nodded, wishing I could
say more, but not daring to. Steeling myself, I opened the door, and entered
the room to confront the nightmare scene I faced everyday. ����������� A nightmare�and yet a dream I
would rather cling on to with every last vestige of my strength than let slip
away. ����������� She had been overly optimistic when she�d said �about the same as usual�. He was fading. I could see it in his eyes, the way he took just that bit longer to sit up and smile at me. ����������� �Hey, Oliver.� His voice was
barely a whisper. He couldn�t manage much more than that. ����������� I smiled back at him as I came
over. ����������� �How do you feel today?� ����������� �Same old, same old.� He blinked
discreetly, trying to shake off the sleepiness of a newly-awakened daze�he
could shake off the sleepiness, but not the pallor of disease, the � ����������� - sickness that�s eating him up from the inside. It�s
taking him away, can�t you see that, it�s taking him away from you � ����������� - cancer that was draining his
life. ����������� �Liar.� I chided as I sat on the
bed, taking his frail form into my arms. ����������� He laughed weakly, leaning his
head against my shoulder. ����������� �Am I that obvious?� ����������� �No.� �I was a liar too. ����������� We sat like that for a while, in
companionable silence, as if we were just passing a lazy afternoon like
friends sometimes do. ����������� As if he wasn�t slowly dying in my
arms. ����������� Then I couldn�t take it anymore,
this easy lie. ����������� �Does it hurt?� I buried my face
in his hair, not really wanting to know the answer. ����������� There was a slight pause. ����������� �Yes,� he admitted. ����������� �Worse than before?� ����������� �Yes.� He said again, �I�m not
going to last much longer.� ����������� �Percy�� I wanted to tell him not
to say that, but the words caught in my throat. It was true. We all knew it. ����������� There was a silence, as I tried to
blink away the tears in my eyes, tried to work past the sudden constriction in
my throat. Then he spoke. ����������� ��Do you want to know a secret?�
He sounded almost playful, the way he said the word made it seem as if
�secret� had a capital �S�. ����������� �What secret?� ����������� �When I die,� he�d tripped
slightly over the word, but we pretended not to notice, �I�m going up to
heaven where the angels are�� ����������� Angels� ����������� ��And I�m going to eat all the
chocolate ice cream I never got to eat because the others wanted it.� He
finished promptly. ����������� I blinked. ����������� �That�s your secret?� ����������� �Uh huh.� ����������� �Chocolate ice cream?� ����������� �You have no idea how much ice
cream I�ve had to give up just because I was older.� ����������� I laughed. I couldn�t help it. I�d
had no idea. ����������� When I finally managed to calm
down, I asked, sober, �Do you really believe that?� ����������� �No.� He admitted with a small
smile. �But it�s a dream, isn�t it? And a secret to keep before I die.�
Again, he tripped over the word. ����������� �You�re the only one who knows my
secret,� he continued, looking thoughtful, ��It�s our secret, then.� ����������� I nodded, holding him close. ����������� �Our secret.� I whispered tightly,
smiling at the thought of chocolate ice cream. ����������� It was a while before I left. � * * * * * * * � ����������� When I came to see him today, I knew he wasn�t going to make it. ����������� �He wanted you.� She�d murmured as
I passed. Her eyes were bright with tears. She�d given my hand a squeeze as
she passed, and I knew that, hurt as she was at the rejection, I was
forgiven. ����������� We wasted no time as I entered and
held him, gripping his hand tightly. There was no more room for banter. ����������� �I�m scared.� He said simply, a
dim hopelessness in his fast-fading eyes. ����������� �Don�t be.� I tried to keep the
tears in, but they spilled over anyway. �Think of the chocolate ice cream.� ����������� He laughed weakly, gasping in pain
as he did so. ����������� �Our secret.� ����������� I nodded, not trusting my voice. I
know he could feel it. ����������� �I didn�t want them to see me like
this.� He gestured vaguely towards the living room. ����������� �I know.� It was a whisper. ����������� �Where did we go wrong?�Where
did we go wrong?� ����������� �It�s dark, you know, it�ll be
dark, and I won�t be able to feel a thing, ever �� ����������� I cut off the rising panic in his
voice forcefully. ����������� �No!� I continued, gentler, ��no.
It�ll be bright, so bright. It�ll be beautiful. There�ll be angels�� ����������� ��Yes.� He smiled. ����������� ��Angels, and chocolate ice
cream.� I wept openly, it didn�t matter anymore. ����������� �Percy�oh�Percy� ����������� ��Ice cream�� The fight had gone
out of his voice. It was over. I could feel it. It was over. ����������� I stared at him through my tears.
Watched him smile a beatific smile, the last time, I knew. ����������� I would see that smile forever. ����������� ��I�ll be waiting for you.� ����������� And then he was gone. � ����������� I went out to face them, tears
still pouring down my cheeks. ����������� �It�s over.� ����������� �Oh � my boy �� She broke down
first. The others followed, more discreetly. ����������� �It�s okay,� I tried to smile,
�He�s gone up to heaven with the angels�he�s going to have all the chocolate
ice cream he ever wanted.� ����������� I wondered how he would feel, me
telling our secret like that. ����������� �But it was our secret�and I guess it was okay. |