Published in Manila Bulletin, the Philippines' No. 1 Newspaper
(Travel, tourism, immigration, overseas opportunities with Filipino viewpoint)
Travel Bloopers
An American business associate of mine living in Glendora, California was coming to the Philippines for the first time as our guest. We found out he had never traveled overseas. He came from a well-known university in Los Angeles and was holding a responsible position in a property management company. On the day of his departure, he showed up at the LAX airport with his airline ticket and luggage. But lo and behold, he did not have a passport. He was totally unaware that a passport was needed to fly overseas. Well, in the U.S. one could just go to the airport and buy a ticket to anywhere, no passport needed; that is, if one is flying within the U.S.
A few years ago, another American boarded a certain American airline in L.A. The plane was headed for Auckland, Australia. Before take-off the plane's destination, as usual, was announced on the sound system by one of the crew. Assured that he was on the right plane, the passenger snuggled into his seat and slept during the early part of the flight. When he awoke, he looked at his watch and wondered why the flight was taking so long. Ordinarily, the flight took only less than an hour. When he talked to the stewardess, he found out that the plane was going to Auckland, Australia and not Oakland, California, which was his destination.
Yes, there are quite a number of brilliant passengers. These are real stories narrated by travel agents: More than one had asked for an aisle seat so that their hair would not get messed up by being near the window. A prospective passenger called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
A woman wanted to go to Capetown. The travel agent started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, the agent calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."
A man called, furious about a Florida package the travel agent did. The agent asked what was wrong with the proposed vacation package in Orlando. The passenger said he was expecting an ocean-view room. The agent tried to explain the impossibility of the request because Orlando is in the middle of Florida. The passenger went on, "Don't lie to me." I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.
There was a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" He was told, "No." The passenger persisted, "But they look so close on the map."& Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When the agent pulled up the reservation, he noticed there was a one-hour lay-over in Dallas. When asked why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to
drive between the gates to save time."
A nice lady called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. The agent tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally she was told the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know which luggage belongs to who?" The agent said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while the agent looked into it, the agent came back and explained that the city code for Fresno was FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
A man asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" The agent asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none
of these darn planes have numbers on them." A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola
on a commuter plane." She said, "Yeah, whatever."
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." The agent double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When he was told this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. "Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" She replied, "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
