| PEPE'S EMPLOYMENT DEVELOPMENT DEPT |
| SO YOU'RE TIRED OF FLIPPING THE BURGERS, AND SCRUBBING MONKEY CAGES AT THE ZOO. LOOKING FOR A JOB WHERE THE WORLD WILL FINALLY APPRECIATE YOUR TALENT? SAY NO MORE- I'VE GONE TO THE TROUBLE OF RESEARCHING SEVERAL CAREERS WHICH YOUR GUIDANCE COUNCELOR PROBABLY DIDN'T MENTION. HAVE AT IT! 1. FBI HRT: THE FBI'S HOSTAGE RESCUE TEAM (HRT). AN ELITE COUNTERTERRORISM UNIT DEVELOPED TO DEFEND AGAINST TERRORIST-RELATED HOSTAGE SITUATIONS, PRIMARILY ON US SOIL. MEMBERS ARE TRAINED EXTENSIVELY IN CQB, SNIPING, HAND TO HAND COMBAT, NEGOTIATING, ETC. TRAIN WITH LIVE AMMO, AND STICK IT TO THE ENEMY! LIKE A REAL-LIFE RAINBOW SIX. ROOM FOR 90+ SPECIAL AGENTS. APPLY TODAY! 2. US NAVY FIGHTER PILOT: FLY A HIGH-SPEED JET, ENGAGE THE ENEMY IN A DOGFIGHT, AND LAND ON A 1000 FT RUNWAY AT BREAKNECK SPEEDS. YOU'LL BE JUST IN TIME TO TRY OUT THE NEW F/A-18E SUPERHORNET. LIKE TOP GUN, BUT LESS CHEESY. APPLY TODAY! 3. SPY: WANT TO BE AN INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY? PLAY WITH COOL TOYS, AND COLLECT INTEL ON FOREIGN POWERS. WHY NOT JOIN THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (CIA)? AS AN FIELD OPERATIVE, LEARN EVERYTHING FROM FOREIGN LANGUAGES AND CUSTOMS TO INTERROGATION AND AGENT RECRUITING TECHNIQUES. REMEMBER, YOU WILL GET THE LADIES, BUT IF YOU GET CAUGHT YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. APPLY TODAY! 4. ROCK SUPERSTAR: PLAY IN A BAND, AND GET PAID TO HAVE MILLIONS OF SCREAMING FANS FLING THEIR UNDIES AT YOU. YELL AT YOUR STUPID ROADIES BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T REMOVE ALL THE BLUE M&MS FROM THE BOWL. HECK, IF YOU'RE IN A BOY BAND, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TALENT TO BEGIN. COME BE MTV'S PUPPET LAP DOG. APPLY TODAY! 5. SMOKE JUMPER: PUT OUT FORREST FIRES IN HARD TO REACH LOCATIONS BY PARACHUTING INTO THE BLAZE. SEASONAL WORK WITH A LITTLE SPICE. ONLY YOU CAN PUT OUT FORREST FIRES, IF YOU MAKE IT THERE. WELL, CHICKS DIG SCARS. APPLY TODAY! |
| PARTY ON, DUDE |
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| I CAN APPRECIATE YOUR DESIRE TO FIND THE RAGING PARTY. I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO CUT A LITTLE RUG NOW AND AGAIN. IN MY LESS-THAN-WORLDLY TRAVELS, I'VE COME ACROSS A FEW SEASONAL JEWELS, WHICH I WILL NOW SHARE. SEE YOU THERE! |
| 1. MARDI GRAS: HELD IN NEW ORLEANS THE LAST TUESDAY BEFORE LENT. ACTUALLY, PARADES AND PARTIES BEGIN ABOUT A WEEK IN ADVANCE. BEER, BEADS, MUSIC, AND 24/7 PARTIES. THE MAIN ACTION IS ON BOURBON ST. PEPE'S TIPS: GET THE GOOD BEADS DURING MORNING PARADES (WHEN EVERYONE'S STILL ASLEEP. YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID.). PARKING SUCKS. PLAN AHEAD IF YOU NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM, BECAUSE LINES ARE LONG. ALSO, LOOK OUT FOR THIEVES. NEVER URINATE IN THE STREET, OR TOUCH ANATOMY THAT ISN'T YOURS WITHOUT PERMISSION. 2. KEY WEST: THIS PLACE IS ALWAYS FUN. A PRIME TOURIST SPOT, WHICH GETS CRAZY DURING SPRING BREAK. OCTOBER IS FANTASY FEST. I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THAT PARTY, BUT I HERE IT'S WELL WORTH THE TRIP. MOST OF THE EXCITEMENT IS ON DUVAL ST. PEPE'S TIPS: PACK MONEY, BECAUSE BARS ARE EXPENSIVE. THE WEATHER IS FICKLE, SO HAVE A DECENT WARDROBE. ALSO A PARKING NIGHTMARE DURING THE BUSY SEASON. 3. PANAMA CITY BEACH: THE SPRING BREAK MECCA. HOME OF LA VELA, THE LARGEST CLUB IN THE WORLD. ROWS OF HOTELS, AMUSEMENT PARKS, AND CLUBS. NONSTOP PARTIES FOR SEVERAL WEEKS IN THE SPRING. PEPE'S TIPS: TRAFFIC IS SEVERE ALONG THE BEACH. THE COPS WILL GET YOU IF YOU DRINK AND DRIVE. ALSO, DON'T SHOW UP IN THE OFF SEASON-IT'S A GHOST TOWN. 4. ROSARITO, MX: A BEACH TOWN ABOUT AN HOUR SOUTH OF SAN DIEGO. SEVERAL RESORTS HAVE SPRUNG UP IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, CATERING TO AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENTS. GOOD FOR SPRING BREAK, AND 4TH OF JULY (LIMITED RESTRICTIONS ON FIREWORKS). PEPE'S TIPS: ONLY DRINK WATER PROVIDED BY THE RESORTS, OR BOTTLED. THIS INCLUDES ICE IN YOUR DRINKS. DON'T GET DRUNK AND ROWDY. THE COPS ARE CROOKED, AND WOULD LOVE TO MESS WITH YOU. ALSO, DON'T TAKE THE BEAMER, AS IT MIGHT NOT RETURN. 5. SOUTH PADRE IS: THE SPRING BREAK JEWEL OF THE SOUTH. NESTLED LOW ON THE REDNECK RIVIERA (GULF OF MEXICO), IT IS ESSENTIALLY A TEXAS VERSION OF DAYTONA BEACH, OR PANAMA CITY BEACH. FUN FOR SPRING BREAK, AND SUMMER VACATION AS WELL. ALSO, A LITTLE LESS EXPENSIVE THAN THE BIG-TICKET SPOTS. PEPE'S TIPS: PACK LOTS OF WATER AND SUN SCREEN. MANY BEACHES HAVE NO PARKING. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE ON THE SAND, DON'T DO IT IN MOM'S VOLVO-YOU WILL GET STUCK. |
| BONUS TIP WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE MARDI GRAS, BUT HATE CROWDS AND DRUNK IDIOTS? TRY THE MOBILE, AL MARDI GRAS. ACTUALLY OLDER THAN THE NEW ORLEANS PARTY, IT'S A LITTLE MORE FAMILY ORIENTED. THE PARADES ARE DONE WELL, BUT THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF PARTIES AND BAR PATRONS. VERY WELL ORGANIZED AND PATROLLED. PRICES FOR HOTEL ROOMS ARE ALSO A LITTLE CHEAPER THAN NEW ORLEANS. WARNING: IF YOU JUST WANT PUBLIC NUDITY, THIS PROBABLY ISN'T THE CHOICE FOR YOU. |