husband: nothing.
wife: nothing... you've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
husband: i was just looking for the expiration date.
wife: do you want dinner?
husband: sure, what are my choices?
wife: yes and no.
wife: you always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. why?
husband: when there is a problem, no matter how impossible, i look at your picture and the problem dissappears.
wife: you see how miraculous and powerful i am for you?
husband: yes, i see your picture and say to myself, 'what other problem can there be greater than this one?"
girl: when we get married, i want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten yoru burden.
boy: it's very kind of you, darling, but i don't have any worries or troubles
girl: well, that's because we aren't married yet.
son: mom, when i was on the bus with dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
mom: well, you have done the right thing.
son: but mom, i was sitting on daddy's lap.
a newly married man asked his wife, "would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"honey", the woman replied sweetly, "i'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
interviewer to millionaire: "to whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
millionaire: "i owe everything to my wife."
interviewer: "wow, she must be some woman. what were you before you married her?"
millionaire: "a billionaire"
girl to her boyfriend: one kiss and i'll be yours forever.
the guy replies: thanks for the warning.
a wife asked her husband: 'what do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
he looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'i like your sense of humor.'