Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
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Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
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Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
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Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
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Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.
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Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
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Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
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Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
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Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
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Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.