| Chapter Ten Struggles Of The heart |
Things at Barrington settled a bit. It had been three weeks since Wendy had to spank Sarah and she hadn't gotten into any trouble since. Wendy played cautious around her father and although she decide she should get to know him better, she still referred to him as Mr. Johnson. Wendy and Sarah were closer than ever. She no longer had to keep an eye on Sarah alone. Everyone took turns keeping Sarah occupied. Even Mark took his turn keeping her from mischief. She however still preferred to be read to and tucked in by Wendy. Wendy had made many friends, and things seemed to have taken a turn for the better. School seemed to be going well and Wendy had adjusted to the different ways of her teachers. She and David were talking more as well. Wendy knew she had to get past the non acceptance rule of a new guardian. Most of the children had given up long before this, and had come to bond with their assigned parent, but not Wendy. She obeyed his rules for the most part, but wouldn't allow herself to think for a minute that he actually cared about her. He did love her and wished that she could see it but he knew Wendy would be a hard one to get to, and he was trying to be very patient. She had done better than he had expected in the adjustment period at Barrington. Like most kids that came there, the first few days were difficult and spankings always resulted. usually it then lead to some restriction or loss of privilege. Wendy hadn't gotten into any trouble since her meeting with Mr. Parker. This worried Mark and he decided that he would spend more time with her. Mark continued with his nightly ritual by checking on all of his children and reading them stories. Sometimes they would just talk. However when he would visit Wendy and Jessica, Wendy would always remain very quiet. She would listen to his story, but would make no comments or gestures toward them. Mark knew something was up since Wendy wouldn't even look at him as he would say goodnight and leave the room. "You know Wendy, you should really give him a chance," Jessica stated. "A chance for what? she asked. "To be your dad," Jessica replied. "No one really loves me, well except Sarah, and that is the only reason I am still here," she replied as she turned to face the wall "You know Wendy, you are making your life harder than it has to be. Dad loves all of us. Even you, and it�s hurting him that you won't give him a chance.� "But he is so strict and he spanks. I don't think he does love me, Wendy replied, " He never spanks you!" "That�s because I haven't done anything to deserve one, and if they didn't hurt so bad, I would get into trouble just to show you that he would. If he didn't care, then he would let you do anything you wanted." "I don't want to talk about this any more," Wendy replied as she turned out her light "Just think about it, ok?� Wendy had been thinking about it, she had been thinking about it a lot the last couple of weeks, but she was afraid and didn't want anyone to know how she felt. Saturday afternoon while cleaning the tables in the cafeteria, Wendy overheard some of the other girls from the second floor dorm talking about a late night movie, but when they noticed Wendy, they quickly changed the subject. "You don't have to change the subject just cause I'm here. I won't tell on you," Wendy stated. �As a matter of fact, I want to go with you," "What, no way no. You are just a baby and you would never make it," one of the teen girls answered. "Don't judge me. You don't know what I can and can't do," Wendy scowled. The girls huddled and whispered, then turned to Wendy. "Fine. The movie starts at Eleven. You have to get yourself out of the dorm and outside by that big maple tree at ten. If your not there, then we leave without you.� �Ill be there,� Wendy answered. The girls finished their work and left. Wendy sat down at one of the tables by the window and thought about running away for good. This would be her chance. She just hoped that someday, Sarah would forgive her. Wendy finished her chores and spent the afternoon with Sarah. She had seen Mark and her other brothers and sisters throughout the day. Just after dinner, Wendy had taken up a quiet spot in a bean bag chair in one of the corners of the reading room. With Sarah on her lap, she read several books to her and occasionally hugged her. While she was reading to Sarah, David approached. "Sarah bean, can I talk to sissy for a few minutes?" he asked. "Sure David," she replied as she hopped out of Wendy�s lap and gave David a big hug. David looked at Wendy and said, "Ok Wendy, what are you up to?� "Nothing," she replied as she looked at the floor. �Wendy, your lying to me. Don't lie to me," he scolded. "I am not up to anything David," she replied. "Wendy, you have been quiet all day and I know something is up. If I can tell then so can Dad." "He doesn't know anything, and he don't care about me. Neither do you or any one else, so leave me alone," she said as she got up and ran from the room. "Wendy, wait," he yelled as he ran after her, but she managed to make it to the stairs of the girls dorm and out of the bounds where David knew he wasn�t allowed to go. "Wendy please stop.� Wendy stopped and sat down on the steps and started to cry. "No one cares, nobody loves me. Why can't someone just love me?" David entered the forbidden corridor and took a place beside his little sister. David wrapped his arms around her and held her. Wendy placed her head into his chest and cried. "Wendy, you need to let go and accept this place as your new home. I love you and I am so glad your my little sister. We don't have and can't ever have real families, so this is the next best thing. Better than growing up all alone, don't you think? Dad does love you, but you don't see it. We all love you, and Sarah, well you are everything to her. She needs you, so what ever you're thinking about doing, please don't.� "David, I want to but, I just can't.� Wendy said as she stood up and ran up the stairs. David found Jessica and told her what had happened. "We need to keep an eye on her because she is gonna get herself into trouble," David stated. "You get into trouble all the time, so why are you so worried about Wendy?" she asked. "I know I do. I�ve even thought about running away, but I would never actually do it. But Jessi, Wendy is going to. I just don't know when. We have to get her to change her mind." "We should tell dad," Jessica replied "No!! not yet. We will just watch her and if I think it's getting really close, then I will go to dad and tell him." "I um think it's to late," Jessica replied as she looked around David. David turned to look. Mark stood just a few feet away. "We need to talk you two," he replied as he pointed to the stairs. "I know there is a problem with Wendy, and I know what she has been feeling lately. We�re all watching her and I am grateful that you two noticed the problem. It tells me that you two care . I am a little disappointed that you were willing to hold out on me, but it is a sibling thing and I forgive you. I will tell the both of you because you are the oldest, but you are not to tell anyone else. I know Wendy is going to run, and I am going to let her. She isn't running from Barrington, she is running from love. I have people in town that I will call as soon as I find her missing from here. They are going to watch out for her." "Dad, I don't understand," Jessica stated, " If you know what she is going to do, then why not just talk to her now?" "I know you don't understand, but she needs to go. If she is going to finally accept this place and all of you as her brothers and sisters, the rules here and most of all, me as her dad, then she needs to discover it on her own. Just like all of you did in your own ways. I want you two to promise me that as soon as you notice her gone, you will tell me right away.� "Sure dad," David replied as Jessica shook her head in agreement. "Jessica went back to her card game and David took Wendy's spot in the beanbag chair and continued the story with Sarah. While the discussion took place downstairs between David, Jessica and their dad, Wendy was in her room. She had put her street clothes into a backpack. She took the side stairs down to the first floor. She knew she couldn't go out the front door because someone would see her. If she went out the fire door, the alarm would sound, so she entered a dorm room on the first floor and crawled out the window. She hid in the trees, and changed into her street clothes. In a matter of minutes she was walking down the narrow country road toward town. When she got to the end of the road, she stopped, took a deep breath as the wind hit her face. The late afternoon breeze felt good to Wendy as she continued to walk toward what she thought was freedom. |
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