Joey: (from inside the turkey) Hehehehehe!
Monica: Joey.... now is not the time!
Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
Joey: What? What's wrong with the 20th?
Chandler: 11 days before Halloween, all the good costumes are gone?
Ross: Today's the day that Carol and I first... consumated our physical relationship. (Joey looks confused) ... Sex.
(Joey nods his head).... Y'know, I better pass on the game. I'm just gunna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: To hell with hockey, lets all do that!
Ross: What? WHAT?! Well... they should put that on the box!
Rachel:They do!
Ross: No they don't! (Runs to his bedroom and returns with a box of condoms) Well... they should put it in huge black letters!
Rachel: Okay, Ross, lets just forget about the condom.
Ross: Oh, well I may as well have!
Monica: Oh my God, Joey!
Phoebe: Hell yeah, I'll marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on)
Monica: You can't marry him!
Phoebe: Hey, Lady, your day's over, it's my turn!
Monica: Phoebe!
Joey: What? Why can't she marry me?!
Phoebe: I can, and I will. (She kisses him)
Monica: She's not pregnant. It's Rachel, Rachel's really the one who's pregnant.
Joey: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe, I think he'd notice if you didn't have a baby in nine months!
Phoebe: It's Joey!
Waltham housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young Lady, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone. First one identifies oneself, and then asks for whom one wishes to speak.
Phoebe (Mocking the woman): Erm, this is Phoebe Buffay, I was wondering... please, If it's not too much trouble... please, might I speak with Miss Emily Waltham... please?
Waltham Housekeeper: Miss Waltham is at the rehearsal dinner, And it is not polite to make fun at people. Goodbye.
Phoebe: No, no! I'll be nice, I swear. Could you just give me the number of where they are?
Waltham Housekeeper: I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.
Phoebe: Okay, somebody is on their way to ruin the wedding. So if you don't give me that number then I am going to come over there and kick your snooty ass into New.. Glouken.... Shire!
Chandler: Ho! Ho! Ho!
Phoebe: Excuse me?
Chandler: Your pants!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, you like 'em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooooo comfortable.
Joey: Uhhh, Pheebs, those are uh, those are Santa pants.
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe looks at him confused) ... Santa Claus's pants!
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! They're maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (She pulls out a sheet of paper which has the names of children that have been naughty and nice) See, look, these names are good, and these ones are bad. (Finally, she realises) Ohhhh.
Monica: Rachel, get the book!
Rachel: The book, okay! (She picks up the nearest book and gives it to Monica) Here.
Monica: The Bible?!
Rachel: I DON'T KNOW!
Chandler: Ok, you can have it. (He licks the muffin then gives it to her.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey guys, you'll never guess who's coming to New York.
(Chandler wants to come back with a sarcastic remark. He tries to talk but can't swallow)
Monica: Quick Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow!
Phoebe: Ryan. That guy I went out with that's in the Navy. He resurfaces like every couple of years and we have the most amazing 3 days together, but this time he's coming for 2 whole weeks which means YAY!
Rachel: So, wait... this guy goes down for like... 2 years at a time?
(Chandler desperately wants to make another sarcastic comment but can't because he is still chewing)
Monica: Ha-ha... that'll teach you to lick my muffin!
(And again, he wants to make a comment but can't)