Am I the only male who is receiving almost daily messages from young women, anxious to show me their knickers? Am I the only one being encouraged to add inches to my unmentionable for only $79.95 a month? Has every M.D. in the country closed his/her office and retired to selling prescriptions for Viagra on the internet? Who ARE these people who keep clogging up my internet mailbox?

"Hey, remember me? It's Betty." That was the subject of a recent E-mail I received from a [email protected]. Actually, I know THREE Bettys online. One is a Methodist minister, one is a former co-worker nurse and the third is a very nice, grandmotherly type, Jewish lady who lives in Miami. I can't afford NOT to open this letter. Maybe one of the three ladies has changed servers and her screen name. Yep, you guessed it. The mail was from someone offering to enhance my breasts without the need for costly surgery. What can I say in reply to THAT?

What with the junk mail in my mailbox at the end of my driveway, the telemarketers calling my phone every hour during the day.......and now the spam in my E-mail in box, I'm beginning to sense a certain desperation out there on the part of these salespeople. Maybe there's some data base that's told these people that I am somewhat solvent and can afford up to $79.95 a month for whatever foolishness they might be selling. Whatever the reason, I'm beginning realize how a pig might feel when thrown into a pool filled with piranha

But why so much pressure for me to buy items involving sex? Have my two ex wives been telling these people fibs about my unmentionable again? Who should I write to to explain that it is in working order and to stop pressuring me to 'have it fixed'? Is there some form letter I can send to all these women wanting me to 'look at their knickers'?

Surely I'm not the only one who's sent off a check for $79.95.......am I?