Ellen had been to the Swanson house many times, to help Bob do odd jobs and to parties, and even to dinner a few times. But to hold Bob responsible for a deal which Bob had told him would not work out, that was too much, and so Ellen swore revenge, swore revenge to herself and to Bob who had some health problems and now could not work even if he could find work after Swigger�s attack.

Rose was the retired schoolteacher, the suave, has a whole lot with a husband with whom she was always arguing...a husband she wished was not around because their love had run its course. Rose was the consummate everything: gardener, writer, and she had parlayed a small inheritance into a healthy sum. Her ennui and chatting on the internet with Ellen, led the two into their new life, an exciting life.

Nothing pleased Rose more than to take a problem or hmm, say a safe in a private residence and plot the perfect way to relieve it of its valuable contents. She found that Ellen was the ideal partner, a doer who followed instructions and was game for any form of excitement.

Rose was not interested in the Swanson house caper but when Ellen explained what that crook Swigger had done, she said, �I am game,� and they would chat long hours. Rose could not believe how simple it was, for Ellen had been to the house, knew the house and could go by and take photos easily for the bus ran from Ellen�s housing area past Swiggers, they ran every half hour; from one side of town to the other, from busted knuckle lane to Snob roosts.

When they were going to pull a caper, Rose would tell her husband she was going to take care of the grandkids or that her daughter was sick, then hop a plane and only be gone a couple days at most. She believed in the statistic of come in, do a job, leave quickly, and don�t spend the loot for a long time. But this time since Ellen only lived a little over seven hundred miles, Rose told her husband she was going to a super coffee klatch and she was going to visit some of her internet friends. Her husband was a jealous and watchful man, but hey his team had made the playoffs and he hoped they would make the series, and so he had to stay home to go to the games and root his team on, telling his wife she must call twice a day. �You paying for the calls?� she asked, when he said no, she laughed and said, �I will call when I get there and when I leave, you want more, you pay for them.� They did spend a lot of time arguing and discussing money for he was well maybe not rich but very comfortable himself and Rose was nearly as well off.

�Ellen honey, buy two of those disposable cameras. I want pictures of the house front and rear, just shoot a whole bunch from all sorts of angles; then send me the cameras and I will get the film developed. Rose then got on her computer and got into the building control office and retrieved the plans for the Swanson house, The city had just spent mucho bucks to computerize the plans and specifications department, and had just finished putting all of the plans on the computer. �Thank you very much,� Rose said as she printed out the last of the plans.

Then she got a street map and found out when the garbage pickups were, when all the deliveries took place. Then she had Ellen who was an old CB freak and scanner listener to determine when the local police patrolled the area, and what their pattern and normal timing was. Then Rose tasked Ellen to find out what kind of safe it was and wouldn�t you know that a story in the local home owners paper had done a piece on the old Swanson house and showed Mister Swigger standing by his newly reconditioned say. And old Mosler 37B which had been brought up to the latest standards. Rose them visited Mosler Safe company�s computer system and found that Swigger�s safe had a new 326 ZJ four tumbler locking system installed, the best there was and very quiet. But Rose then visited a couple clandestine sites and for a hundred bucks she got the real lowdown on the 326ZJ. It seems for a thousand bucks you could get an electronics unit, which would quickly and easily decipher the safe�s combination. With pleasure Rose ordered one. And it even came with a good set of instructions.

For three weeks, most nights, after her husband went to bed, Rose would sneak out go to a business which had a safe with the 326ZJ system and practice bypassing security systems and of opening the safe, not taking anything. Well she started to look for black mail type data, or a gun in a plastic bag and those she took home; well she took them and three them out of the car as she drove across the small causeway leading to her house. If the break ins were learned of, the owners did not call the police, so she became more and more daring.

Meanwhile Ellen had become a gad about taking the bus here and there, and her husband thought she was crazy out spending money, little did he know. �Oh honey I am just tired of staying home and it is so economical to ride the bus, Gosh for fifty dollars I got a bus pass, a month's free riding for fifty bucks; you spend more than that on beer.� The subject was dropped as long as she was there when he needed her and she knew how to do that.

Finally the time came and Rose drove the seven hundred miles in one day, one long day, she left home at 0�dark thirty and kept the pedal to the metal. She got there checked into a hotel, took a nap and met Ellen at eleven ten miles from the Swanson house.

The night was dark, very dark, for the sky was one black mass, a black mass of heavy clouds, and no light shone, except for the small street lights, street lights which were a product of many generations ago, none of the Mercury Vapor lights, or Sodium vapor lights. As Ellen and Rose walked up the alley, that durn Dalmatian of the Smits was barking and of course the Chow of the Chow�s did not like it because some one was walking down his alley. �This one Rose, this one,� Ellen said as she flipped the latch and it made a clank as the pawl lifted the lock bar. Quickly the two women slipped into the yard and re-latched the gate.

�Which way?� Rose asked as she looked around and could only see black. Ellen lead the way to the back door where she inserted a key into the lock and turned it, then slid a pick into the deadbolt and shortly the door was opened.

The two slipped inside and Ellen closed the door. As Ellen tried to get her bulk through a partially opened door she hit her head against the door facing. �Ouch darn it it, I hit my head.� Quietly they made their way down the hall through the foyer into the study. Once inside Ellen quickly pulled the drapes closed as Rose knelt in front of the safe. She pulled a small box out and attached two leads to the safe, then slowly turned the dial till a green light came on, then she wrote down the number, reset the green light and twisted the safe dial again until she got a green light; each time writing down the number. She was very slow and deliberate, going through the same procedure twice, then she removed the leads, took an alcohol wipe and cleaned where the two probes had been, and then she dialed the numbers and opened the safe.

�Wow, look at this stock certificates, an look a bag, a bag of diamonds,� Rose said, as she wanted to clean out the safe.

�Just the cash, just the cash and an envelope,� Ellen said as she searched the interior of the safe, finally finding what she was looking for. She took the envelope and stuck it down inside her shirtfront. She took the cash and put it in a Ziploc bag.

Rose looked at Ellen and then closed the safe and stood. �Look at the art, there is a fortune in art in here, �Ooh would I love to have that,� she said as she pointed her pencil beam flashlight at a picture on the wall.

�No just the cash,� Ellen said as Rose closed the safe, and put the dial back to where it was. �Ready?�

Ellen headed for the door and opened it, then she stopped, �Oops forgot the drapes, and she went over and pulled them partway open. The two went into the kitchen when Rose got he hiccups. Qickly Ellen opened a cabinet and got out a glass and filled it, �Here drink this,� she said then she got herself a glass and a drink of water.

The two paused and quickly drank the water then they went out into the foyer, out to the garage and out the garage to the back gate, and then down the street to their car, which was parked in front of the church. It Was Rose�s car since Ellen did not drive.

Soon they were back at Ellen�s house. �Since you did not get what you need, I will only take expenses this time, next time I will make up for it darling, OK?� Rose asked as she quickly changed clothes and headed for a car wash, and then home for it was nearly tight to go to the Fitness Center.

As soon as rose left, Ellen broke out two large filled �clairs and made herself a cup of tea, Bob will be up soon, she said to herself as she hid the loot in her special little hidey hole.

Then she sat down and reviewed the job. She had taken four months to be in the room when old Swigger opened the safe, so she could get the combination, but never had, then Rose had informed her she had bought this neat little device which would do the job. So she waited for when there would be lots of money, never knowing Clive also had a small safe in his desk.

We wore oversized shoes, rubber gloves under our calfskin ones, our clothes were dark, and we did everything right except, the water glasses, we should not have drunk water, but nobody will pay any attention because I put my glass in the dishwasher and oh my gosh, Rose left her glass on the cabinet. Oh there are no fingerprints on it, and when I unlocked the door put the key, oh my god I gave myself away, I hung the back door key on the hook.

Mrs. Boatswain called me called me at two fifteen in the morning, a Sunday morning, �Jed, somebody did it, they did,� she said in her high-pitched shrilly voice.

Uh . . . . . ah, did what Mrs. Boatswain, did what?� I asked as I tried to get my eyes to open and focus on the clock beside my bed.

�They robbed The Swanson place, they snuck in, opened the safe and took all of Old man Swigger�s jewelry and money,� then without breaking breath or taking a breath she continued. �Some say he had nigh on to fifty thousand dollars in that safe.�

�Mrs. Boatswain, how do you know this, you live on the other side of town?� I asked, as I was fully awake now. �Because, I know, that is why,� she replied. �Mrs. Boatswain, how do you know? Tell me, please!� I said in a strong no nonsense voice.

�Because he sent Roman his black driver to get my Clive, sent for Clive first thing, and then Clive called the police,� She replied. �I thought you should know because that no account Drufman is on duty tonight and you know what he did to the Zorman case, when they called him.�

�Call Clive and tell him not to let anyone into the room, and for gosh sakes tell Clive to keep Drufman out of the room,� I said as I slipped on my trousers and felt for my shirt.

Oh I guess I should introduce myself, I am Jed Clunker, detective Jed Clunker of the Jugsville police department. I am the detective department plus other things within the department but not the chief, for the Chief is Roy Badge. And oh yes Mrs. Boatswain is the Chief�s secretary and the file clerk and well she should be the Chief, enough said.

I arrived at the Swanson place, and Clive had kept Drufman out of the room, �Jed what in the Hades do you think you are doing telling Clive to keep me out of the room keep me a boney fidee policeman from investigating?� Drufman was what behind his back I call a �baby huey� six foot seven and 357 � pounds of a man who had the intelligence of a six or seven year old. But his daddy was the one who got the Chief elected and that was how Drufman got his job.

I looked up at Druf, �Druf, you know that this is an important case and if you started to investigate you would be so thorough we might miss something.�

�Yeah Jed, you are right, what do you want me to do?� I swallowed.

�Druf, What I want you to do is to search the alley behind the house for any tire tracks, or footprints, and check with everyone who lives along the alley if their dogs barked or they heard or saw anyone or anything.� Druf looked down at me, �You see, the street out there is well lit and the hedge is really thick so it would be hard to get to the house unnoticed, so I figure they came in the back. And don�t let anybody or anything get in the back yard till we can examine it in the daylight.�

Druf was happy, �Yes Jed, yes sir,�

�And Druf, remember to write everything down that any and every body says.� Druf saluted me and was gone.

Clive was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee, �Jed Mr. Swigger was so upset he nearly passed out so I had Roman take him to the hospital, they kept him.�

�Oh morning Clive, want to give me the poop?�

Clive was old man Swiggers personal secretary and bookkeeper. Swigger's was a shrewd weasel like little man who had his finger in every pie, cake and sweet tart in town. �Jed, they opened the safe, took only cash, $44,365 to be exact. They left a folder of stocks and bonds, bearer bonds, and a small sack of diamonds he had just bought. The room has $1,655,000 worth of art, including the two vases in the glass case.�

�How did Mr. Swigger learn about it, was the safe blown, was it left open, how?�

�Oh he and Roman got home about one, and Roman went to his room and to bed, and Mr. Swigger opened the safe to put some papers in it, and that is when he noticed the money was gone.� He paused, �Roman had just gotten between the sheets when Mr. Swigger rousted him to come and get me.�

�Who all has the combination to the safe?� I asked.

�As far as I know only Mister Swigger, I do not, I have a small safe in my desk.�

�Was your safe opened? Or touched?� I asked

�No not a mark on it, that is the first thing I checked because,� and he looked around to make sure no one would hear him, �It has fifty thousand in cash plus two small bullion bars. I did not get to take them to the bank and Mister Swigger was out of town, so it could not be put in his safe.� So they got a little over forty thousand and there was fifty in the other safe.

I immediately called the Chief and told him was had happened and that I was calling in the state forensics boys to assist. When he heard it was the Swanson place he said to go ahead.

I examined the safe, an old floor safe, a Mosler 37B, which had been reconditioned and a new tumbler installed just last year. There were no new marks, although there were a kit if scuff marks as if it had been kicked quite a few times; a practice often followed by some one who has a hard time opening a safe. Just like my file cabinet at the office. But I did notice a gum wrapper on the floor, what looked like a half stick of Wrigley�s Juicy Fruit.

There was no outside exit in the room, only an oriel that did not open. Whoever opened the safe knew the combination or had one of those new audio enhancers, which are supposed to allow for the listener to hear the tumblers fall. Clive had gone home at five-thirty, for he had to attend a birthday with his wife, and since Swigger was out of town, the housekeeper had locked up and gone out at six.

The state forensics team would not be here till about ten so I had some time to do my own detection. I called Aunt Lulu the housekeeper and asked if I could come over or if she would come to the house if I sent someone for her. She let a big laugh, �Mr. Jed, there is no way I am going to let you send a police car over and pick me up. You know what those people will think, Lulu will come over there.� Click the phone was hung up. Aunt Lulu was a tall thin lady at least sixty and maybe more but she came to the back door and I met her there, and explained what had happened.

�Aunt Lulu would you walk me through what you did from the time Mr. Clive left?� I asked. �And as we go through will you be extra careful to see if you see anything, anything at all that is the least bit different from normal. Anything.

�You follow Mr. Jed and Lulu will walk through her closing up, OK?� And she sat out. First she went upstairs and checked the bathrooms to see that the faucets were not dripping nor the commode running, then she checked the windows in each room and made sure the lights were out, except for one light in Mister Swigger�s bedroom, one light on the stairs and one light in the back hall. I traipsed and watched and took notes and then when we went to the back hall, half way down she stopped. �There, there on the left side, see there are two sets of footprints.�

We walked toward the door. She stopped and then slowly looked, �Look there look about head high on a short person, see there, there are hairs.� And I looked and sure enough there were three long brown hairs caught on a little splinter about five feet off the floor. I took them and put them in an evidence bag and wrote down all the pertinent information.

Then she opened the door and stood looking, �There, there on the right, that gum wrapper was not there.� I looked and sure enough there was the wrapper and the aluminum foil from a half stick of Juicy Fruit, and I would bet it would match the one in the study next to the safe.

�What about the door, how do you lock it?� I asked, noticing there was a dead bolt and a key lock, and they were not of the same manufacturer, hence two different keys.

Aunt Lulu stopped looked, looked at the door then looked at the small nail on the doorframe on the hinge side of the door. �I lock the door with the key and leave the key in the lock, and then I make sure the dead bolt is on.� She said, then her eyes got a funny look, �The key is on the nail, I put the key there when I open up or whoever unlocks the door automatically puts the key there so it won�t get lost. But at night we leave the key in the lock.� Ah, so they had come this way, and whoever was here hung the key up as they came in. I quickly checked the area around the two locks and there were no fresh marks or scratches.

She then went into each downstairs room, checking the windows, closing the drapes and checking the lights. When she went into the study, she went straight to the big bay window. �These drapes have been messed with,� she said.

�How do you mean?� I asked.

I leave them open four feet, and see, these have been closed all the way and then opened, and for the drape cord is not as I left it.� She stepped aside, �See this little red pin head, and the red on the draw string� this is my mark on how far to close the drapes. Mister Swigger does not touch the drapes, every since he tried and he pulled them down. The mark is where I leave them at night and in the morning they are opened wide as soon as Roman gets up.�

We then went back into the kitchen where Aunt Lulu, walked over to the sink, �Did you are any of your men get a glass and leave it here?�

�No, not that I know of,� I replied.

�Well the sink and counters were clean when I left.� She said, �For anything not clean when I leave is placed in the dishwasher,� see as she walked over and opened the dishwasher to show me. �There is an extra glass in the dishwasher, there were only two in there mine and Mister Clive�s.� Everybody in this house including Mister Swigger, knows not to leave stuff on the sink, for I get upset.� Then she chuckled.

I thanked her and gave her my card in case she thought of anything else, and then saw Aunt Lulu out. I went back and collected the other chewing gum wrappers and compared the papers and they were from the same stick. A person who chews half sticks of gum and who doesn�t chew the same stick very long. It had drizzled rain most of yesterday and sure enough from the gate beside the garage to the back door, there were two sets of footprints, smallish footprints, and smallish narrow footprints, like women�s sneakers. The smaller pair wearer was heavier, and was pigeon toed, while the other one walked more or less heel and toe and in a very, very straight line. I then checked the outside door to the garage and found the same two sets of footprints coming out of the garage and then out the gate. So they had come in the back door, and had left by going through the hall out into the garage and then out the garage door.

Two things were evident, quite evident, one the robber or robbers had been here before and one knew the house procedures, unlock the door and put the key on the hook, and get a drink and put the glass into the dish washer. This was a job by someone who knew the house, knew the safe and the combination or was very adept at picking a new Mosler designed tumbler. And I had the hairs, the two chewing gum wrappers and the two glasses, which would have enough moisture to provide DAN evidence. But the robber did not know that Clive had a safe in his desk, which says they have been here a lot, but they do not know the intricacies, such as Clive�s safe.

�I now needed to interview Roman,� Jed told the Chief when he checked in. Roman was at the hospital and Jed convinced him to walk down the street to the IHOP and get a stack for breakfast. �Mr. Swigger will be OK, the nurse will call me if anything changes, she has my cell phone number,� Jed told the short thin roman, a second generation Italian who had moved here to get away from the family. He was a tailor by trade but could do about anything.

�Funny Jed, funny indeed, Mr. S is one tough one but that safe being robbed hit him hard, there must me something very incriminating in there, for just the money wouldn�t bother him.�

�Have any Idea what it could be?� Jed asked. Roman changed the subject. Did you see anything different when you two came home?� Jed asked as the lady brought two large stacks of pancakes and knowing the two of them brought two large pitchers of maple syrup. �Anything different when you all got home? Anything at all?�

Roman stopped buttering his stack, �Yes, there was a glass on the cabinet, and anyone who knows Mrs. Lulu don�t leave anything on the cabinets, they put them in the dish washer or the sink.�

�Oh really? Anything else?�

�Yes the key to the back door was hung up, and it should have been in the lock. The key is taken out in the morning when the big lock is undone.�

�Does Mr. Swigger have any enemies who would do this? Anyone you could tell me about?�

Roman put down his fork, wiped his mouth and laughed, a sneaky kind of laugh, �About half of the state and a quarter of the surrounding states, Mr. S is a dealer and he doesn�t care whom he steps on or hurts; but he doesn�t deal with the family, well not that I know of.� They chatted for about a half hour and nothing other than a scant amount of background information was revealed.

Jed went back to the station to brief the chief and he found Druck dictating to Mrs. Boatswain. �Hey Jed Mrs. B will have my notes typed up soon.�

�Thanks Druck, I need all the help I can get, any odd things you found out, really odd or silly?� Jed found this statement would usually turn up some good leads.

�Well, The Kaufman�s did see two vagrants going through trash cans about nine or so, and about ten two cars raced through the alleyway. That is about it Jed,� Then he looked at his book, �Oh yeah, Jenkins saw a car parked over on Claybaugh Street, two blocks from Swanson house. It had Maryland plates, a new Camry, License number 756 Jk3W. Jenks said he wrote the plate number down because it was out of state and had never been parked there before, not close to any house, but under some trees.� Then Druck surprised Jed, �I ran a DMV check and the care has not been reported stolen.�

�Thanks Druck, I will read your report after I talk to the chief,� and then Jed winked at Mrs. Boatswain and knocked on the Chief�s door. After ten minutes the chief said go, and Jed did. And as he went home to get a shower and change clothes he kept thinking about Roman�s comment about Swigger having the reaction he did when only a small sum of money, well small to Swigger, and very large to Jed, was taken.

He called the lab, and the hairs were those of a woman. The woman was graying and the hair was gray, and used to be brown. The two glasses did have enough moisture for a DNA test. The chewing gum wrappers had no prints, but were from the same stick and the foot prints were of women�s shoes, a pair of K mart sneakers, and a weight of a little over two hundred, and the other one was hiking shoes, LL Bean shoes, and the person was about 126 pounds.

�So I am looking for a short fat gray headed lady who robs safes?� Jed laughed, �Maybe Laurel and Hardy, Stephie Laurel, and Olivia Hardy?� The lab man and Jed both laughed. �Thanks call me when you get anything else.

Jed took a nice long hot shower, and then slept for four hours. He awoke refreshed and had a good lunch then went out on his patio with his coffee to think and put what he knew together. The hair was of an older woman; the footprints were of two women�s shoes, one short and stout, one tall and trim. One of them had been in the house before and knew the normal procedures. Jed sipped his coffee.

The culprits entered the back door and left through the garage. They took only the cash and maybe some other papers, but left stock certificates and negotiable bonds. The room had a couple mil worth of art and it was not touched. Think Jed think.

Obviously the culprits wanted something that was in the safe and they just took the money to make it look like a robbery. Now I will need a list of all the people who come to the house very often, often enough to know the things about the back door key and the stuff in the kitchen, nothing left on a counter or cabinet. Then a list of Swigger�s main enemies, enemies who may or might be women. Jed looked at his watch four, four in the afternoon.

�Clive, how about you and the wife meeting me down at the Sands for a pitcher of beer and we watch the football game, I am buying.� He paused, �Jiggs makes some great Coney Island hotdogs and his country hamburger is half a pound of beef on a bun with mustard and onions, this the wife will let you out if you bring her?�

There was a pause, �We are on our way, see you there, and Mary said thanks for asking her,� and then line went dead. Twenty minutes later they were having an ice-cold mug of dark beer and watching the game. Also Jed was taking notes as he asked Clive about visitors. He listed all of the business associates of Swiggers, and then his few relatives.

�What about craftsmen, cleaners, painters and the like?� Jed asked as he took a big bite out of his second Coney dog. Clive delineated every little project and Mary added jobs, for she had a fantastic memory.

Finally Clive said, �That is it Jed, all I can think of, every one,� he looked tired as she drained his mug and then started on his Coney.

�Hon, what about that man Bob who did some dealing as a front for S and didn�t you say he was a real craftsman and did some maintenance and minor alterations for S, the one who got sick?

�Oh Bob Hooligan, yeah, I forgot him. Bob would bring his wife as his helper. Sorry Jed,� then Clive looked at his wife, �Hon did I miss any others?

�His wife is a short tubby lady with gray hair,� Mary added and as she did Jed�s ears perked up.

�You say she is gray haired and about five feet?� Jed put his beer down. Is there any reason this Bob fellow would be mad at Mr. Swigger, or want to rob him?�

Clive perked up, �Yes Mr. S said a deal went sour because of him and would not pay him, and then Bob got sick and hasn�t been able to do much since then.�

Mary spoke up, �But didn�t you say his wife was not very outgoing and sort of, well slow?�

�Yes she was like a little puppy dog, seemed to just adore her husband, and would do anything for him, she was a live wire when it came to work or doing things.� Jed told them that one of the robbers was a short graying woman that is what the hair and footprints said.

�No not that lady, no way, but she did put the key on the nail, I did see her do that once when they came in to do some work, and her husband told her about the key.� Clive said. Then he paused and looked around, �Maybe I shouldn�t say this but Mr. S liked to show off his old safe and tell everyone it had been rebuilt so it would be extra hard to open by some thief, . . . . .you might say . . . he teased people about his big old safe.�

Finally shop talk petered out and the three of them had an enjoyable time, watching the game and stuffing themselves on hot dogs and of course a hamburger to top it off. Jed felt good when he left because he had some insight into this caper, and he felt he understood the people a little better.

Jed drove over to this guy Hooligan�s house for his wife fit the hair samples. They lived in a small modest brick house and the car in the driveway was conducive with the house. This was the best sounding suspect so he wanted to get them off his list.

�Why come in Officer,� Ellen said as Jed showed his badge and asked for Bob. �Come in, can I interest you in a cup of tea?� The short tubby, smiling lady with streaking gray hair said as she stepped back for Jed to enter. The first, well the second thing Jed noticed was she was chewing gum.

They set down in a room filled with pictures, a room which could be called a nostalgia center a room of the past. �I wanted to talk with your husband if I may, it is relative to an investigation I am conducting.�

�He is asleep, he had a bad day, maybe I can help you,� the bubbly lady offered.

�I need to ask him about his work for a mister Swigger, of Swanson house,� and with the mention of the name Jed saw a shot of recognition and involvement flash across the lady�s face.

�That. . . . .that old cheat . . . . .oooh that . . . .,� then she composed herself, �Yes Bob worked for him doing deals and even did some small repair work, and I helped him sometimes. Our two children are grown and gone, the oldest son lives in Florida and the daughter lives in Southern California, so we don�t see them very often.� Jed smiled, for she was a willy nilly person. Then she put the gum from her mouth into the trash can, pulled out a pack of Juicy fruit and tore off a half stick and plopped it into her mouth.

�How long did your husband work for Mister Swigger?� He paused, �What exactly did he do?�

�Off and on for seven years, because he went to work for him after he retired.� She sat on the edge of her seat talking directly to Jed. �Bob would act as his agent and buy and sell or trade certain properties or things.� The she frowned and then the smile came back, �The last deal was a hair brained scheme, and Bob told him so, but it went sour and he would not pay Bob for it, even said things about Bob at the Country Club, my gal pa Jolene works at the Country Club and she told me about old man Swigger saying things about my Bob, my Bob who would not cheat anyone.�

�May I used your bathroom please,� for Jed did have to go. Ellen showed him where it was. As he did Jed saw two hairbrushes, and lifted some strands of hair from each and put them in a plastic bag; the proof was in the pudding. He flushed, washed his hands and went back and he and Ellen talked for about thirty minutes. She told him about being a big CB buff during that era and now her life centered around two things, her husband and his health and her computer where she had lots and lots of Cyber friends.

Taking a change Jed asked, �You have any gal-pals from Maryland? I lived there for a while before I went to work for the Police department.�

�Oh yes my best friend, and such a smart lady she is, she is a real computer whiz. I just use them, I am not smart enough to do much, but my Bob, he is so smart, he can do everything.� About them there was some noise in the other room, �It is Bob, let me check on Bob and if he feels up to it, he will talk to you, let me check, be right back.�

Jed talked to the old man, for a couple minutes, learning nothing, but getting the feeling the wife was not as dumb and na�ve as she claimed to be. He thanks Ellen for her time and got in his car to leave. Quickly he drove to the lab, for he wanted that hair checked. Even if it proved the same they could claim it was left from when they were there last.

Jed called in and had the Desk Sergeant to run a background on the Maryland car parked near Swanson house, �I want the car data and the driver�s license data and a picture for the owner. By the time Jed got home he had the information. The car was registered to a Marge Rose Letinski, and she was a senor citizen. Jed took a shower and went to bed. It had been a long day. Jed felt certain Ellen Hooligan was his robber.

When he got to the office before eight Jed found his desk piled with papers. He got a cup and sat down to sort through it. Lab reports on the hair, one sample was of a man but the second sample was identical to the samples taken from the door.

Then there was the data on the Maryland car and a picture of the owner and a short bio. But this lady was a little old to be coming that far to pull a job like this.

A formal report on the footprints found at the scene.

A note that the DNA tests on the glasses would be Thursday or Friday. Jed got up and went over to chat with Mary Boatswain for Mary was one smart cookie, but she did not let on to anyone that she was. She tried to look and act the part of a simple secretary and file clerk.

�Jed, Judge Morton Foote is in for traffic court, let me type up a search warrant request for this Hooligan�s house and see if you can find the shoes or anything else which can be tied to the crime,� and with that she opened her desk, took out a sheet of paper and started typing.

Judge Foote signed the search warrant, for as he said, �I am a friend of Swigger and have mutual business interests with him. Keep me posted son.� So Jed arranged for a team to go through the house, but first he had to sit down and delineate what he was looking for.

The search turned up a pair of sneakers, which matched the ones for the footprint they took, and the computer, oh the computer was loaded. So loaded the team took it to the lab to break out the data.

About noon Swigger was released from the hospital and called Chief Badge and told him just to drop the investigation for the money was not much and he knew we had more to do than spend so many man hours on the case when his losses were negligible. Chief Badge a friend of Swiggers, said, �Jed, just drop it, drop it and get back to that tire theft at the city garages.�

�Chief I will have it wrapped up within the week and maybe before that,� I explained, but the Chief said, no.

The city garage had experienced a tire theft because the Clerk showed that each vehicle that belonged to the city had gone through three sets of tires in the previous year. Jed had found that the tired put on the vehicles from the work orders were truck tires. The rest of the job was sorting through all the work orders from the city shop and finding who signed the work order as the person who changed the tires and who the supervisor was who signed off on each work order.

Of course work on Ellen Hooligan�s computer was stopped, but before it was returned Jed went in after work and dumped everything in the computer onto a couple CDs and then had the computer returned. He took the CDs home and soon found a file, which showed this Ellen and a lady named LocwlyRose1940, planning the caper. Within an hour Jed had the whole scheme and how the two senior citizens had pulled a bunch of jobs, but had not spent a cent. They were mum about where their loot went.

The next morning Jed went to see the Public Works Director, who knew about the thievery. �What I want is all of the WorkOrders for the last five years. Not the computer record, but the paper hard copy.� Jed said.

�Just a moment,� the PWD said, as he picked up the phone, �Nancy I want Bud, Glenn and Josh up here now, I have an important job, and tell them to bring a dolly and a pickup,� then he hung up the phone. �Will you need some help in going through the WorkOrders?�

Jed smiled, �Yes I really do, if I am to get it done in a timely manner.� �The PWD smiled, �I have a work agreement with the high school and I can get you up to six smart young highschoolers. They can work four hours a day, five days a week.

Jed�s head was a whirring, �Two, would do, two who can keep their mouths shut, and I will use them down at the station, we have a small room which I can keep secure. Just then a sharp knock on the door cause Jed to shut up.

And in walked three large men, not fat slobs but big tall and rough looking., �You said you wanted us boss?� The largest one asked.

�Yes, go to the motor pool shop and bring all of the work orders, for the last five years, through today, file cabinets and all to Jed at the police department.�

The big man grinned, �Roscoe won�t like this,� and then he grinned.

�Just go in get them, and take them to the police department, do not let anyone even touch one of those file cabinets, and tell Roscoe to come see me.�

The big man grinned and the other two were snickering like they knew something. �Yes sir boss, is that all you need, we were trying to get that monument straight. I think we will have it right by quitting time,� and he turned and the three men were gone.

�What I will do is have the students screen all WorkOrders for any tire work, any mention of tires. Then I will have them separated into tire replacements, and then by the worker doing the job.� That is a lot of sorting but with those kids help, it shouldn�t take long.

�Then what?� The PWD asked?�

�I am not sure, but most likely will look at them and get a feel then sort them again by tire size for Chief Badge said only one size tire was in question, a common truck tire.�

�If you need anymore help let me know, and if the highschoolers don�t seem to be able to do the job, I will get Maud Screech to hand pick me some,� Then the PWD went back to whatever he was doing.

�Thanks and hopefully I can get this wrapped up real quick,� Jed said as he left. When he got back to the station a pickup with four, four drawer filing cabinets were sitting in front of the station. Within fifteen minutes they were in the workroom and the three men were gone, gone before Jed could thank them. Jed went in to see Chief Badge, and tell him what he had going and about the high school help.

�Get to it Jed, the Mayor and council President are on my butt.� Jed left, and had a little chat with Mary Boatswain and told her what he had planned. She said she would keep track of the highschoolers. Jed went in and randomly looked at some work orders. What a boondoggle, these guys were taking four hours to change spark plugs, three hours for a grease job and oil change, eight quarts of oil for a Chevy Nova. Then he found four tire replacement work orders, all four the same man, T Brown, and all were approved by Roscoe P. Cheatin.

A rap on the door brought Jed back to reality, Mary was at the door, �Time to go home, I will see you tomorrow.� Then she was gone. Jed continued and by eight he had found 27 tired related work orders, and 22 of them were for new tires, and of the 22, fourteen were for new truck sized tires for sedans and pickups and all 22 were accomplished by T Brown. It seemed that T Brown and F Smith did all of the tire work and F Smith installed the right sized tires, whereas T Brown seemed to install two or three sets of truck tires on cars each week or two, the number varying. At eleven Jed went home.

Jed noticed that all of the truck tires were the same brand, yet the car tires varied in brand name. The next morning at seven Jed was at the Traction tire company and distributor. �He caught the owner, Robert Treads, and asked him about tires bought by the city and for a list of all tires bought this year, by size, brand name and if he had it, who the city authorizing agent was. �Lets have a cup of coffee and a donut, Jinn will be here at seven thirty and she can get that out of the computer in a few minutes; me it would take all day.� So they sat and chatted, Jed would not say why he wanted the information and Robert did not seem the least bit hesitant to give it to him.

By 7:45 Jed was on his way to the office and by nine he had the case solved. T Brown did all of the bogus WorkOrders, and Roscoe authorized them, and Roscoe ordered all of the tires. The truck tires were brought in, and shown to be installed, and the same size truck tires taken off of the cars and the tires sold for scrap. And a BZ Takesum had signed for all of the bad tires, the tires were even scrapped by serial number. So he had a new tire being ordered and brought in, the next day it was shown to have been installed on a car, but the same serial numbered tire was the next day shown thrown out and sold for scrap.

Jed briefed the Chief and surveillance was set up on the tires being delivered today. The next afternoon, the new tires were picked up and signed for, the brand new tires, by BZ Takesum. The Chief called the DA and Jed spent the evening going over the data with Lawyer Jones. The highschoolers, started that afternoon and they were sharp. Two days later all of the work orders had been sorted, and then the highschoolers with their Statistics teacher, started to analyze the data.

The following afternoon three arrests were made, Roscoe, T Brown and BZ Takesum. Jed went back to the PWD and told him about the padded work orders and the way they were charging time. Of course that launched another investigation.

After work Jed took Ellen Hooligan�s computer back. Ellen�s husband was in critical condition, and this altered Jed�s thinking. They had a nice long talk. Jed told her what they had done and how they had done it. Ellen excused herself and in a couple minutes was back with a toaster box. �There it is, every penny of it.�

She seemed relieved. �But he cheated my husband out of his money, and we needed it.� Then she turned hands on her hips and looked at Jed, �Sending me to prison will be easier than taking care of my husband. The state will have to take care of him.� She then put her hand in front of her and said, arrest me, and take me to jail.�

Jed laughed, �Just don�t as they say in the movies, leave town, I will get back to you, and yes you will have to face the justice system.� Just then his cell phone rang. It was Mary Boatswain, Jed had to go to Baltimore and pick up a prisoner and bring him back, the man accused of shooting three people, supposed drug sellers. Quickly he excused himself and went home to pack.

When he got to the station, he got a wild idea and called Rose Letinski. She answered the phone. "Mrs. Rose Letinski,� Jed asked.

A pleasant voice replied. "Yes, this is Mrs. Letinski, and to whom am I speaking?� Jed introduced himself, �You use the AOL screen name Lovely Rose do you not?�

�Yes why?� She replied.

�I have been talking to Ellen and I confiscated her computer. I have found all of her gal pal capers and would very much like to talk with you tomorrow or the next day.

�Do you know where I am?�

�Yes, I have your driver�s license and other data, it came from where you parked your car the other night.�

She didn�t miss a beat, �Are you arresting me? Do I need my attorney?�

�No maam, I would like to talk with you, yes or no?�

�Sure, call me when you find an appropriate time, if I am not here I will be back shortly.� There was a short pause then , �Later,� and a click.

When Jed checked in to pick up his prisoner, he was told it would be two more days, there had been a snag; actually the person who did all of the paperwork was in a car accident and they were bringing someone in from another town to help out. Jed quickly said he understood and called the Chief to inform him.

The Chief�s sentiments were simple, �It must be real for nobody in their right mind would want to be back there or stay there any longer than they have to.� Jed chuckled.

Jed called Rose and asked about their meeting. �Can we meet some place other than here, my husband would have to sit in, and I do not want that?� She suggested Founder�s Park.

�I will meet you there, I will find you, but which corner should I start looking?�

She replied, �The Southwest entrance, there is a small pond with ducks and lots of squirrels who love to be fed.

Jed stopped by a grocery and bought some peanuts in the shell and two loaves of day old bread. He found her sitting there, a very attractive lady she was, trim athletic, and certainly not looking her age. �HI, I am Jed Clunker,� as he showed his badge and ID. �May I join you, I brought some peanuts and bread for the critters�

She placed her hand on the seat. "Sit Jed Clunker, as you know I am Rose.� Jed sat, �And what is this tall tale you told me on the phone?�

�As they say in the movies, lets cut to the chase, your car was parked less than two blocks from where a safe was robbed. Your car was not stolen, and it is the same car which is parked in the just outside there. I have Ellen�s computer and all of your messages.�

�So you say, who dreamed up this story?� Her demeanor showed she was putting up a smoke screen.

Jed stood, �Fine, either you talk with me here or I will have you extradited back home.� He glared at her, �Your car was there, and where it was parked, and with the out of state plates the patrol officer wrote it down and ran an check on it. The same car that you own, and which you drove here today. Don�t play games with me please, I asked to talk, I am not here to arrest you, I am here in this city to pick up a prisoner.� He then looked at his watch, and at her. She was thinking, and she was rattled for her knuckles were white as she gripped the bag in her hand and her neck and ears were red, plus her right foot was bouncing.

�Sit, And what we say is off the record?�

�Yes,� Jed replied, and at the same two tape recorders, one in each of their pockets were turned on. �Now you were there?�

�Yes, I was, and yes I know Ellen. And I am a writer.�

�The safe you robbed, did you take anything other than the money?� And he looked at her.

She fidgeted for a second, �NO,� Ellen said only the money because the man had cheated her husband; she said take nothing else.� She seemed to shrink a little with it off her chest.

�Did you look at anything else in the safe?� Jed asked

�Yes, there were bearer bonds, stock certificates, two guns and a small velvet bag of diamonds, and they were of good quality.�

�No think carefully, Did you put everything back exactly as it was, exactly?� Jed was studying her face and her actions, as any good detective would.

She put her index finger to her and her hand on her chin as if pondering, and Jed could see her brain working. Finally she looked at him, �NO, I put one gun, the small one and a plain white envelope on the bottom and then put everything else back on top of it.�

�Thank you, and you did not open the letter or anything else?�

�No, I did not.� She did have poise.

�Now how did you open the safe?� He paused, �Did Ellen have the combination?�

�No she did not, and I refuse to tell you how I opened it.�

And as you were leaving, did you get a drink of water in the kitchen and leave your glass on the counter?�

�Yes I did, and Ellen gave me hell for not putting it in the dishwasher.� Why do you ask?�

Jed smiled, �The job was done by two people, one short and heavy, a graying woman, and the second a tall woman in hiking books. Once knew the inside of the house and house protocol, one did not.� He paused then added, �One chewed Juicy Fruit, and only half a stick at a time, and I found two half stick wrappers.�

�Now will I be arrested and charged for the crime?�

�The owner has refused to press charges, but I have a case and can circumvent his wishes. It all depends on my boss and the political clout.�

Then why are you here, why are you talking to me then?� She was trying to be aggressive and take the offensive.

�When the man opened his safe and saw the money gone, he had a heart attack. The money was pocket change, so something was missing from the safe, which made him panic and have a heart attack.� I can charge you two with reckless endangerment because your actions caused his heart attack.�

�Well do what you have to do.� She looked at her watch and stood.

Jed just blurted out, �Would you have a drink and maybe dinner with me?� and he handed her his cell phone, �Call your husband and tell him . . . . , well tell him . . .. ah something.�

Rose looked at Jed and thought, he seems a nice enough sort, so why not, and if he puts me in jail I can swear he plied me with booze and tried to seduce me. She took the phone and quickly dialed her home number. �I won�t be home for dinner, I have met an old acquaintance,� Then she moved the phone away from her ear. Jed could hear a loud voice although he could not understand the words.

Finally she spoke, �Listen, I said I would not be home for dinner, we will discuss it when I get home, bye!� And she handed Jed his phone, �I know a nice little place for a glass of wine and a light dinner, I don�t drink much.� Jed followed her and it started to rain and by the time they got to the place it was pouring. They dashed inside in the rain, she with her umbrella over her head and Jed just got wet. The found a corner table and began to chat. And all at once a piano started to play, play oldies music. �Care to dance,� Jed asked?

She was one smooth dancer and a real armful to hold as they both just didn�t say anything and danced. She was sweep off her feet for he was a superb dancer, and the way he held her she liked. Not too tight, not too loose, but just right so she knew he was there. Three dances and a glass and a half of wine and Rose was warm and mellow. Then their table was ready.

�Are all detectives like you?� Rose asked as she looked deep into his eyes, �Are all as fabulous dancers as you?�

Jed just smiled, �I don�t know, but I am enjoying the evening, you are one heck of a woman Rose Letinski.� And with that statement Jed took her hand and lightly kissed it. They talked for another hour and then said goodnight, Rose went home and Jed back to his motel.

All the way back to his motel Jed wished, really wished he had done otherwise and Rose to had a smile on her face and she too wished they had done other wise, done what natured intended them to do.

The next day Jed got his prisoner and caught late afternoon flight home. When he got back home, he went in to talk to the Chief. �I have solved the Swanson house robbery, shall I talk to the DA and give him my information so he can file charges?�

�NO! Definitely no, old man Swigger was adamant in his not wanting charges pressed and wanting it quickly dropped.� Chief Badge was hot, and Jed could tell he had been give his marching orders.

�Chief, if I recover the money what shall I do with it?� Jed was going to have a little fun.

�Give it to charity, let the thief keep it, just drop; it, ok, that is an order. Clean up your files and have Mary seal them, you understand, me?�

�Yes sir, I do, and I will, but I will solve what it is Swiggers has in that safe that caused him to have a heart attack.� Thank you boss, I am going out for a drink.� And biting his tongue to keep from laughing Jed left.

He went to see Ellen, her husband was worse. �Ellen, the money, by new week, I want to know what charity you donated it to, OK?� And her jaw dropped. �There will be no charges filed now, but any more jobs like this and this one and the others will be reopened.� Jed stood, �And Rose and I had dinner together, she is one smooth dancer, tell her hi and I would like to see her again.�

Jed stood up and headed for the door. For some unknown reason, before he opened the door, he leaned over and lightly kissed Ellen and then headed for a good pitcher of cold beer and a good Coney dog.