As AJ slowly put his pants back on, he couldn’t shake the feeling of extreme disgust he felt at that moment. He didn’t care anything about this girl, what was he doing?
Fine, he did it, he proved to himself that he could get another woman, he didn’t have to have Cassidy. However, the act was over with now, and he was more miserable now than he was before. As a matter of fact, he thought he might throw up. Not from the alcohol, but from the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair he felt deep down inside.
“God, what is wrong with me??”
He pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket and sat on a nearby chair. He was dizzy, he was confused, and he was ashamed. He had never felt like this before in his life. He had had a lot of one night stands since he had become famous, and he was always able to walk away from them and chalk it up to just another notch on his bedpost, but this was different.
He couldn’t ever figure out what women wanted from him, what they were looking for. He just figured they wanted sex. They wanted their short time with someone, anyone that they thought was somebody. Truth was, he didn’t feel like ANYONE. He always felt like a scared, lost little boy. All alone, without a father, almost without a mother.
He knew his mother loved him, she worked her butt off to give him the life that he had, but sometimes, he wished she was more of a mother to him than the friend she'd become. He wished that she was just there to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. Everything would work out. Only one other person made him feel that way, and that person was Cassidy. She was gone.
As much as someone was always there for him growing up, usually his grandparents, he still felt alone. He felt different than the other kids his age. He'd always had to work hard to fit in. And then, with the work and a career that had careened out of control so quickly, it was as if he never had a chance to be a 'kid' anyway. Even then, will all of his success, he still felt resentful of those who had put him down, told him he WOULDN'T, COULDN'T succeed. So what little time was his own ended up being time spent trying to prove to people that he was worthy. Only recently had he been able to feel any kind of satisfaction where that was concerned. Everything he had, everything he did, was a blatant ‘fuck you’ to anyone and everyone that thought he wasn’t good enough.
He had to stop thinking about this. He was getting a headache. He could still feel his stomach churning. He couldn’t believe how much he had sobered up in the last few minutes. He puffed on his cigarette as he waited for the redhead to return from the bathroom.
He looked around the room, trying to get a handle on where he was and who he was with. As he looked around the room, everything suddenly seemed so trashy. A pungent, musky odor floated through the room. He didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed it before, but he did now. It was getting to him. It just added to his feeling of despair and cheapness.
His eyes skimmed over a picture on the dresser. A picture of the redhead wearing some type of work related get-up. Suddenly, he felt the acidy taste in his mouth that he knew all too well. That was it, he KNEW he was going to get sick.
“I gotta get out of here”, he whispered.
Without further hesitation, he walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him. As soon as he reached the railing outside, he leaned over it and threw up. As the burning sensation traveled up his throat as well as the stench of every alcoholic beverage he had that night poured out of him, so did every thought and desire he ever had to get himself into this type of situation again. This was it, he was done. It wasn’t worth it.
It was all fun in the past, but he wasn’t having fun anymore. He was making himself physically sick.
“Whatthefuck is wrong with me??” AJ cursed himself as he made his way down the steps and slowly walked to his car.
“Why do I feel like this? I’ve never felt this way when I cheated on Ashleigh before”.
That was Ashleigh, though, he didn’t feel like he was cheating on Ashleigh this time. He loved Cassidy, she was the one he was cheating on. Cassidy. There it was again, her name...just thinking about her sent feelings through his body that he couldn’t explain. He had to forget about her, though. She didn't want him, she left him. He had to move on.

Cassidy was still pinned beneath her intruder. She opened her mouth to scream, but he instantly covered her mouth with his hand, putting the knife against her throat.
“If you scream, I’ll cut your pretty little throat. I swear I will. If you do what I say and give me what I want, everything will be fine.”
His rancid breath was hot against her cheek. Tears of fear started spilling down her cheeks.
“You’re not gonna scream, right”, he asked rhetorically.
She shook her head ‘no’.
“Good girl.”
He slowly removed his hand from her mouth.
“What do you want from me?” She choked out.
He got off up and started rummaging through her belongings, looking for money, she guessed. He didn’t answer her. She tried to get a good look at him, but nothing would register in her head.
Out of sheer terror and without thinking, she jumped off the bed and ran as fast as she could for the door. He caught up with her and dragged her back to the bed.
“Why did you do that??” He yelled. “Now I have to hurt you!!”
“Please no!!” Cassidy screamed as he swiped at her with his knife. It grazed her stomach. She looked down in shock and instinctively grasped her wound. Blood slowly began to trickle between her fingers.
“I told you not to scream! See what happens!!?” Suddenly, he hit her square in the mouth, knocking Cassidy into the mirror and making her cry even harder. He grabbed her and threw her on the bed then crawled on top of her. His weight was almost too much for her small frame to bear.
She lay there with her eyes closed, praying he would just go away. The puncture wound in her stomach throbbed in pain. The intruder was silent, pinning her arms above her head. The musky scent of his sweat was making her sick.
She tried to break free from him, but she couldn’t, he was too strong, and she was getting weaker. He was at least double, maybe triple her weight. She felt his hand slowly slide down her body. He finally rested it on her leg.
“Boy, you sure are pretty,” he chuckled.
The way he said it sent chills through Cassidy’s body. She tried to remain calm, but all she could do was cry. She had to do something, she had no idea what he was planning on doing to her and she couldn’t just sit there and let him do it. His hands roaming all over her body was making her skin crawl.
She had to get out of there. She knew she was taking a big chance if she tried to get away and he caught her again, but she knew that either way, he was going to kill her. He started to unzip his pants and Cassidy’s eyes flew open.
“Please, don’t..” she cried.
He ignored her. Her whimpering didn’t seem to bother him at all.
‘I can’t let him do this’, she thought to herself.
She closed her eyes and with every bit of courage and energy she had inside of her, kicked him in the stomach and tried to run from the room again. He got a hold of her hair then hit her with a closed fist right in the face. He threw her back on the bed, then forced her legs apart and lay down on her once again.
“Now, you’re going to get it,” he growled as he ran the knife he was holding down her stomach. She felt the knife puncture her skin once again.
“Please don’t hurt me,” she sobbed, her body going completely numb. She felt blood pouring from her nose.
“I gave you your chance, you thought you could get away. No one gets away from me. Now we’re gonna do this my way, bitch”.
He ripped open her robe, running his hands down her body again.
“Please, no,” Cassidy sobbed. She closed her eyes so she didn’t have to watch what he was doing to her.
He slowly ran the knife up her chest, continuing up her neck, then her lips, then back down to her neck.
“Looks like this is my lucky day,” he chuckled as he slowly sliced her skin, right under her jawline.
“Stop, please..” she gasped as she cried, blood trickling down her neck.
He laughed then stopped and looked down at her. “Have you ever tasted your own blood?”
“Your sick,” she choked out as she gasped for air.
From the weight of the intruder on top of her, to the wound on her neck and stomach, she was finding it harder and harder to breathe.
“Answer me!” He grabbed a handful of her hair, yanked her from the bed, and slammed her against the wall. She fell to the ground with a thud, knocking over one of the small tables. The ashtray on the table fell to the floor and shattered. She was barely conscious and she couldn’t move. The pain was more than she could bear.
“Please don’t kill me,” she gasped, “I have a little boy...”
“Get up, bitch!” His voiced boomed throughout the room, completely ignoring her pleas.
She just lay on the ground, clutching her stomach. She tried to open her eyes, but couldn’t. He stood over her, then swiftly pulled her up by her arm.
“I said get up!!”
He threw her on the bed once again and got on top of her. The pain was excruciating. She found herself almost wishing he would just kill her, put her out of her misery.
The intruder stopped and looked down at his hands, covered with her blood.
“You’re no use to me now, you stupid bitch”.
She felt his strong hands around her neck, applying consistent pressure. She tried to fight him, but it was no use. She was too weak. She closed her eyes as images of everything in her life, everything that she loved whirled through her head. Kyle, Alissa, Alex...their faces were so clear. It was almost as if they were there just so she could say goodbye to them.
‘I’m sorry..I just wasn’t strong enough..’ she said to them as she lost consciousness.

AJ got to his car and got inside. He couldn’t help but feel like something was seriously wrong. Aside from everything that was going through his head, there was something else. He just couldn’t pinpoint it.
He sat there for a minute in the darkness. He had never felt so empty in his whole life. In the past few days, everything he knew, everything he counted on, disappeared. He was completely alone now, and he didn’t have the slightest idea what to do. He had lost Cassidy, the one woman who understood him and loved him for who he was. It was his fault, he knew that. He laid his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes.
“What have I done,” he said under his breath as he felt tears start to well up in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away.
He started up the car and looked over at his cell phone that had fallen between the seats. The light was blinking, letting him know he had a voicemail. He looked at it for a moment, debating weather or not to listen to it. The longer he put off listening to the message, the longer he could hold onto the hope that maybe it was Cassidy.
He picked up the phone, continuing to stare at it. He gently ran his fingers over the display.
“Please God, let it be her”, he pleaded quietly.
He wanted so desperately to talk to her right now. He needed to see her, to hold her in his arms and tell her that he was sorry. On the other hand, he didn’t want her to know how weak he was. He didn’t want her to know how much he needed her.
He sighed as he listened to the voicemail, it was Marcus wondering where he was. He rolled his eyes and erased it. He hoped that there had been another voicemail somewhere, one that hadn’t registered or something. He waited for a minute and heard nothing.
“Damn it,” he cursed as he threw the phone on the passenger seat. He slipped in his GooGoo Dolls CD and pulled out of the parking spot. As he drove he tried to think of anything other than Cassidy.
‘I wonder what Howie is doing right now?’ He looked down at the clock, ‘Three thirty-eight. Probably sleeping.’
‘I wonder if I put the dogs away before I left? Shit. I don’t think I did. They probably chewed up my shoes again. Probably peed all over the place, too. Damn dogs. No wonder Panda and Bear live with my Mom. I couldn’t take care of them. Mom. I wonder what she’s up to? Nevermind, it’s three forty now, she’s sleeping, too. Should I stop for gas?’
He looked down at the gauge.
‘No, don’t need it...at least there are people there, though. Maybe I’ll go strike up a conversation with the gas station attendant. They probably get pretty lonely at these hours. I need cigarettes anyway’.
As he pulled into the gas station, his cell phone rang. He looked over at the seat and watched it ring.
“Who could this be?” he wondered aloud. The Caller ID came up with 'anonymous'. He pulled into the parking spot and answered the phone. “This is AJ”.
“AJ! Dude, where have you been?” A deep voice boomed on the other end.
“Marcus man, don’t yell,” he grabbed his head, “my head is throbbing.”
“Well, don’t pass out just yet. Something happened.”
“What? To who?” AJ asked impatiently.
“It’s Cassidy..she’s in the hospital.”
“Omigod! What happened?” He shot up out of his seat.
“I don’t know the specifics. I just know that she was attacked.”
“Oh my God. What?? By who? I’ll fucking kill them..”
“AJ, man, calm down. You’re drunk and you’re talking shit. Don’t do anything except get your ass to the hospital.”
“Marcus, how serious is it? Is she okay? Have you seen her?
There was silence on the other end of the line. ‘Iris” was flowing softly from the speakers in his car.
‘That’s our song, we danced to that song..’ he thought to himself.
“Marcus? Tell me the truth. Is she okay?” he gulped as brought his hand to his forehead as tears started to well up in his eyes.
“I haven’t seen her..I don’t know,” Marcus replied in an sullen, soft tone. “You should get here soon, though.”


Chapter 23
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