The next morning, AJ woke up with Cassidy in his arms. The previous night’s activities came rushing back to him. A sudden pang of fear and panic ran through him.
“God, what have I done?” he asked himself as he looked up at the ceiling.
He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what the next step was. He turned and watched Cassidy sleep, so peaceful and beautiful. There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to wake up like this every morning, but he knew that just wasn’t possible. He lay on his side resting his head on his hand as he continued to watch her. Suddenly, her eyes fluttered open. She glanced over at him and smiled.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said softly as he caressed her cheek.
“How long have you been awake?” She asked as she turned on her side to face him.
“Just a few minutes. I was just thinking and watching you sleep.”
“What were you thinking about?” She cuddled up to him and gently kissed his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to form a coherent sentence.
She stopped and looked at him with a worried look.
“Do you regret it?”
He looked deeply into her eyes. As much as he wanted to tell her that it was wrong, that it should never have happened, he just couldn’t. Of all the things in his life that he knew were right, making love to her was definitely one of them.
“Not at all. I just...I’m trying to figure out where we go from here. You’re going home today, and..” his voice trailed off.
She sighed and looked up at him. “And what, Alex? Where do YOU want this to go from here?”
He looked over at her and thought for a minute, he didn’t know what to say. It seemed that anything that came to mind just wouldn’t be good enough. The night before, everything seemed so clear to him, now he was so confused.
“Alex?” Her voice snapped him back into the moment.
“I’m sorry, baby. I just don’t know what to say.”
She moved away from him, surprised by his sudden lack of emotion.
“I’m gonna go take a shower, I’ll have to get my stuff ready soon.”
He watched her as she started to get up, only then did he realize what she was thinking.
“Cassidy, wait. You took that all wrong..” he reached for her.
She stood up with the blanket wrapped around her.
"Tell me what I’m supposed to think, Alex! I thought we made this connection last night, I thought it meant something to you! You sat there whining about how women use you for sex, now you’re making me feel the same way!”
He shot up out of bed, wrapping the other blanket around himself.
“No, that’s not what I meanr! I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, I didn’t mean to. The truth is," he paused, "I don’t know what the next step should be.”
She stepped closer to him. “Alex, just tell me that you feel something for me, but, please, only say it if you mean it.”
He looked at her, he saw the tears forming in her eyes. He wanted to tell her everything, that he loved her, that he knew she was his soulmate and he wanted her in his life in the worst possible way, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want her to think that he was just saying it to keep her from getting mad at him.
“Cassidy, please listen to me,” he sat her down on the edge of the bed and sat next to her. “And look at me, please.”
She looked over at him and got lost in his deep, soulful brown eyes. She loved his eyes. She just wished she knew what was behind them, what he was so afraid of.
“Cassidy, I..” he stopped, closed his eyes and sighed.
“Alex wait,” she turned to him. “I’m not asking you for a commitment, I’m not asking you to confess your undying love for me, all I’m asking is for you to tell me that what we had last night, what I felt..was not just a one night thing. Tell me you felt it, too.”
He searched for the words to tell her how much he cared for her. He took her hand and stared at her for a moment.
“It was NOT a one night thing. If it were, I would have left before you even woke up, I had the chance, but all I could do was lay there and watch you sleep”.
He thought for a minute. He didn’t know what to say, he decided to just speak from the heart, it was all he could do. He looked up at her, her beautiful green eyes searching his face for an answer.
“If I could keep you here with me, I would do it in a heartbeat. I want to be with you every day. I know we haven’t known each other long, but I feel like we have and I don’t want you to leave. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to just go back to the way my life was before I met you. I need you, Cassidy. I need you in my life.”
She was silent for a moment as she stared at him, surprised.
“Baby,” she whispered with tears in her eyes then leaned over and gave him a tender kiss on the lips. She leaned back on the bed as he lay on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and savored the way his lips felt on hers. He stopped and looked down at her.
“Cassidy...I love you.” The words came out of his mouth and there was nothing he could do about it. He shocked himself. Not because he didn’t mean it, but because it was so easy for him to say. He didn’t even have to think about it. She looked up at him, shocked. She almost choked.
“Alex, please don’t say that.”
“Sshh," he put his finger against her lips. “I don’t want you to say it back, I wasn’t even planning on saying it, it just came out. I need you to know how I feel.”
She was at a loss for words. The truth was she DID love him, but she couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t open herself up that much to him. It was all too new, it was happening too fast. She had Kyle to worry about. He needed a father figure, and she was pretty sure AJ wasn’t thinking about that at all. Then there was the issue about his girlfriend. What would happen when she came back?
“Cass?” His voice startled her.
“Huh?”
“Tell me what you were thinking just then.”
“I...I was thinking about a lot of things.”
“Like?”
“I don’t want to get into it right now, we have time for all that later. Right now I just want you to kiss me.”
He smiled at her then leaned down and cupped her face in his hand as he tenderly kissed her.
“So, what time is your flight?” He glanced over at the clock.
“4 o’clock, why?” she asked with a smirk.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he kissed her neck slowly. “I was just thinkin’ maybe we could spend a little more time in bed...”
“Why Mr. McLean, I am shocked,” she giggled.
“Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet,” he growled as he pulled her into a passionate kiss.


Chapter 17
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