An interview of K' by Penguin
Legal crap: K' is an SNK character. Penguin is NOT an SNK
character. This interview is completely fictional and if it's true (God no),
I'm gonna buy the lottery.
Legend:
Penguin: P
K': K
Maxima: M
A: Announcer
P: Hello there, and welcome to Penguin's special interview of KOF
characters. Some may wonder why I had an almost half-year absence from the
interviewing scene. The fact is, since every time I interview some KOF
characters, they'll beat me up in the end and ruin the studio, and all the
blame goes to me. I go to court, pay the fines, gets stuck in jail, whatever.
But thanks to Butt-wiser, my latest interview is *finally* getting approved.
Well, by myself.
*pause*
P: Alright, screw that, let's just go straight to the topic. Today
I will be interviewing one of the top KOF fighters, K' himself. But first we'll
go for the "Butt-wiser inside look," (Ed. intended pun?) a new
feature for my interview series, and a good way to waste time.
*screen shifts*
A: The Butt-wiser inside look is sponsered by Butt-wiser. False.
Again.
*screen goes to K' and Maxima*
M: Hey K', you just got a letter from Penguin.
K: Whatever. Who is that Penguin guy?
M: Some crappy interviewer who wants to interview you I guess.
K: I've never heard of him. Is he from NESTS?
M: *shakes hands signaling no* Hey, it's just a wild guess man,
don't sweat it.
K: Lemme check it. Does it have anthrax?
M: Nah.
K: Cool then. Wonder how those guys know my address...
M: Ehh...
*K' opens the letter*
K: "Dear K', my name is Penguin."
M: ...
K: "If you haven't heard of my name before, it's okay, I used
to do interviews in about half a year ago. Here are my older interviews:
http://www.geocities.com/penguin_10000/"
M: ...
K: Why is this guy selling his site?
M: I...dunno?
K: "Anyhow, I would like to invite you to be interviewed by
yours truly." Hmm, he wants to interview me?
M: ...yeah?
K: What's with you Maxima?
M: Nothing?
K: Fine, fine. "I've been searching for a good interviewee
until..." WHAT???
M: *gulp*
K: UNTIL MAXIMA RECOMMENDED K' TO BE A PERFECT INTERVIEWEE? WTF IS
THAT?
M: Ehh...it's just a coincidence?
K: Bah! I guess I'll go do some business with this Penguin guy!!!
M: Hey, wait!
K: What?
M: You know that if you were interviewed, we may be able to get
some serious bucks! I mean, it's 2002, NESTS is bye-bye, we're just like Kyo
and Iori now.
K: So?
M: Shouldn't you get paid to be interviewed?
K: I don't think so, it's not in the letter.
M: Maybe you should talk with Penguin.
K: Fine, fine. *walks out of the room*
*in the background we hear the director saying "Cut!"*
*back to the studio*
P: And we welcome...K'!
*K' walks out from the background*
P: Welcome to my interview, K', I'm pleased to have you here.
K: Whatever. I don't like that part where we are forced to act and
stuff in the back studio for the "inside look."
P: *sweats* Uhh...anyway...
K: Do I get paid for being interviewed?
P: Uhh...I guess so?
K: I need a more firm answer than "I guess so."
P: Yes?
K: Fine, fine, ask me.
P: *phew* K', do you prefer to be called 'Kay Dash' or 'Kay
Spike?'
K: Who cares? Well at least I don't care.
P: Uhh...okay. What is your favorite food other than beef jerky?
K: Something that's like beef jerky.
P: Can you be...more precise?
K: Yes. It's beef jerky.
P: But the question is "what's your favorite food other than
beef jerky."
K: Do I look like as if I wanna say twice?
P: Okay, okay, geez, you make me feel uncomfortable here.
K: That's fine with me.
P: R...right. So, how's your relationship with Maxima?
K: We're not gay lovers. Is that enough?
P: Fine, fine. How about Whip?
K: We're not gay lovers. Is that enough?
P: Errr...Whip's a 'she.'
K: Oh. I thought Whip's a male. Hey, maybe she's my long lost sis!
P: ...
K: I FOUND MY SISTER! I FOUND MY SISTER! YIPPEE! YAY YAY! *dances
in joy*
P: Quick! Go into commercial!
*Commercials*
Lucky: Yo! It's the USA Sports team baby!
Heavy D!: Do you still remember who we are?
Brian: Me good! Me bash!
Lucky: Yup, we're the USA Sports team! We'll make...
Heavy D!: Hey Lucky, we're running low on money...
*this commercial's cut abruptly*
...
Some random guy: Hello! My name is John Smith. I had a bad neck
before, and I went to see the doctor. He said that perhaps, my pillow was too
soft, or my bed was too soft. I confessed to him that my pillow's interior is
made of liquid. He recommended the Hard-On pillow and boy did it work wonders!
Now my neck is straight, and I don't suffer from neck pains anymore!
SRG: The Hard-On pillow's design is taken from old Chinese pillows
that were made completely by china. Right, it offers enough strength to hold
your neck up and correct your neck back to the right position! The ancient
Chinese didn't have any bad necks because of this pillow, and a survey in the
Zhou dynasty shows! (ed. I don't think the Zhou dynasty (like 200 BC?) had
surveys...not on neck pains anyway) Anyway, the Hard-On pillow is good news for
you, especially if you have neck problems!
Announcer: Order now by dialling 1-800-HARD ON! now! Provided that
your phone can punch in the exclaimation mark. The price is only $10.99! But
wait! For the mandatory extra price of $10.99, we'll give you a free Hard-On
pillow! That's right, it's absolutely free, two for the price of one! So order
now!
...
Chin: What? Butt-wiser.
Butt-wiser.
False. Again.
*end of commercials*
P: Welcome back to the interview with K', now we've restrained him
from being dancing around like crazy. We nearly had to use the shotgun.
P: Anyway, I'm wondering on your relationship with Kula.
K: What? Kula? Wait...that sounds familiar too.
P: Oh crap...
K: Hmm...Kula, Kula...who's that?
P: The Anti-K'.
K: ...
P: Uhh...K'?
K: I...I...
P: K'?
K: I FOUND MY VALENTINE! I FOUND MY VALENTINE! *dances around
again*
P: o_O...
K: Dance with me! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
P: Okay this is getting out of hand...
K: What? You don't want to dance with me?
P: ...ehh?
K: So you don't think I look good with Kula?
P: I dunno?
K: THEN ROT IN HELL!
*K' begins to dispose anything in sight violently...you know the
rest*
P: *lying half-dead* I guess that's it for this time's interview,
see you next time around...
K: SHAAAAAAAA! *kicks Penguin away*
A: This show is sponsered by the USA Sports team. We'll
make...*cut abruptly*
And Butt-wiser. False. Again.
Ending:
K': Calms down, walks away and said "I do as I please."
Maxima: Was combing his sideburns until he saw K' leave the place.
Penguin: Was kicked by K', then had to pay for all the damage that
K' did since K' can't be found.
I would like to personally thank everybody who supported every
interview I did before. Especially Gunsmith, K'Evans and the folks at ON as
well as KD-0084
-THE END-
Penguin, 2/15/2002